tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40051138326565758922024-02-23T00:52:21.463-06:00Focused on the CenterLiving Life with SeeSaw Faithseesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.comBlogger328125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-84240711753501045782013-03-19T15:00:00.000-05:002013-03-23T17:12:27.841-05:00Just when you think.....<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You have it all figured out, God puts a fork in the road. One side is open, maybe not the most inviting looking, maybe beautiful. The way is open and clear to step on. The other side may have all the makings of an exciting adventure. you have been thinking about this side of the fork for a long time. Or maybe you just discovered it. You really want to travel this path. See where it leads. Enjoy the journey. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But the way is blocked. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You stand there and stare awhile. You know you should take the open path even if it doesn't look anything like what you had planned to journey down. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But you really want to take that other path. Just figure out a way around, over or through that thing that is keeping that path closed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So you think about it some. Then some more. You plan how you will get to that path. You look at the open path but it just doesn't seem as interesting.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So you plan some more. Push around the edges of the obstacle blocking the way. Poke at it, maybe even start to climb over it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But something cuts your hand.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You try again. Scraping your leg, you fall back down.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is really hard to find your way, even though you thought you had it worked out in your head.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You try to get around the side but something trips you. You land on your hands and knees in the dirt. You back away and look at the damage to yourself. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You are bloody, bruised, dirty and frustrated.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That's when you look at the other path again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No, it's not necessarily the path you want to take, but it is clearly the way you are meant to go. But you stand there still. Looking back and forth between the two. Wanting one, knowing the other is the one meant for you. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And you are going nowhere.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And you stand there, wanting the one that is hurting you, that is getting you no where, that is causing you to become stuck in the place you are instead of striding out along the path that is meant for you to journey down.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why do we do it? Why do we keep fighting for what is not for us to have? Why do we keep trying to make a way where there will never be one? And worse, if we stand there long enough, we may just decide if we can't journey down the path we choose, then we just won't journey at all.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Anyone feeling me on this one?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's easy to trust God when we are getting our way. It's even easy to trust him in the middle of the journey where we can see him all around, when there isn't really any choice at all.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But when it comes to giving up what we want, what we feel we deserve, what we have decided is best for us, why do we dig in our heels, refuse to obey the directions he gives, and fight to make our own choices?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That always ends with us being bloody, bruised, dirty and frustrated.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And if we are bloody, bruised, dirty and frustrated long enough, we become infected, bitter, angry and unhealed. And he will allow it. Because it will teach us, grow us, and deepen us. If we will only eventually figure it out and trust <i>God</i>, not our self.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Many times I have heard (and even said) that faith is believing that God will never put us in a situation that we are unprepared for. But I have come to realize that isn't true. God will put us in situations where we have to take that step purely on blind faith in Him before he will put the right tool or direction in our hand. It's not about him preparing us first, it's about trusting him to equip us as we go. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So yes, by all means, keep trying to take that path you want, even though it is closed to you. But know that there will not be equipping on the other side of that road block once you figure out a way around it. There will be no tender mercy, no healing and no clear path. And when you figure all that out and turn around, you will have a long journey back.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But God will be waiting. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At the fork in the road where you left Him. Ready to clean you up, bandage your hurts, heal your pains and give you a loving push onto the path He chose for you. And no, He may not seem close, or even as if He is there at all on some parts of that journey. Your path may get dark, go deep into a valley, or be filled with twists and turns and potholes and debris, but just keep walking. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As you need direction, <i>He will be there</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As you need light, <i>He will be there</i>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As you need picking up when you stumble, <i>He will be there</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As you feel lost and alone, <i>He will be there</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And as you finally take the last step and the journey ends (or changes again), <i>He will be there</i>.</span></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16px;">"He guides me</span><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14239E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)"></sup><span style="font-size: 16px;"> along the right paths</span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-23-3" style="position: relative;">for his name’s sake.</span></span></span></i></div>
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</span><span class="text Ps-23-4" id="en-NIV-14240" style="font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><sup class="versenum" style="display: block; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; left: -4.8em; position: absolute; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;">4 </sup></span></span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="text Ps-23-4" id="en-NIV-14240" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">Even though I walk</span></span></i></div>
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<span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-23-4" style="position: relative;">through the darkest valley,</span></div>
</span><span class="text Ps-23-4" style="font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I will fear no evil,</div>
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<span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-23-4" style="position: relative;">for you are with me;"</span></div>
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<i style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Psalm 23:3-4 (NIV)</span></i></div>
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<br />seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-88369017944366800312012-10-09T18:43:00.000-05:002012-10-09T18:43:00.349-05:00Being in a funk and waiting, waiting, WAITING!<div style="text-align: justify;">
I am going to be honest with you, I'm in a funk.</div>
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I have been in a funk for quite some time now. I don't tell people much because they try to cheer me out of it, or Scripture me out of it, or give me another round of platitudes. </div>
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I don't need that. </div>
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I know what the Bible says. I know all the cheer-up quotes and fuzzy kitten happys that are to be found. But that doesn't mean I will be any the better for hearing them. AGAIN.</div>
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Sometimes you just have to sit where you are and wait. You don't like it. It is frustrating. Confusing. Painful. INFURIATING. But you still have to sit where you are and wait and that can bring on a funky funk. The kind of funks I am talking about aren't depression or pity-parties. They are more a high-level of frustration and disappointment over waiting. And waiting. And waiting some more!</div>
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And having people constantly telling you that things will turn around, to just take that first step forward and see what happens, that something new is just around the corner, or that God has something for me only serve to point out that all of those great and exciting things are not here yet. Well-intentioned and I am thankful for you for trying don't get me wrong! But none of that helps</div>
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Funks come because you <i>want </i>to move forward and can't, <i>not</i> because you don't want to. God is really good at making sure you don't move if He doesn't want you too. Oh sure, you <i>can</i>, but when you do you are outside of God's will and that is waaaay worse than a funk!</div>
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So I don't tell people I am in a funk. </div>
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But some people just can't miss it. Like my hubby. He has to live with my funkiness because unfortunately we really meant the "for worse" part of the vows too. Not that I have been hideous to live with, <i>I don't think</i>, but because I am just not me. The great thing about my particular prince charming is that he gets the roller coaster aspect that I bring to our marriage. He understands that there are highs and lows in walking with God, and with me as well, and that there will be times that I am going to be funky, and not the good kind that makes him laugh. We know that we are the perfect example of opposites attracting and that he is just not going to get me sometimes. And you know what he does when those times come? </div>
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Nothing.</div>
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I love him for that.</div>
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He doesn't try to spur me on, or hurry me up or change me during the funk times. He just lets me be where I am and picks up any slack that I might be leaving. He doesn't complain and he doesn't judge. He just silently supports me where ever I happen to be. He encourages me to stick to the things I need to be doing, and he demonstrates dependability and godliness to me. He pushes when I need it but doesn't try to force me where I am not ready or supposed to be.</div>
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Being in a funk isn't fun. But seeing once again why God brought me and my man together is a blessing. He knew that my crazy, emotional, roller-coaster personality would balance out his quiet, routine, laid-back way of doing life. And of course it works the other way around. </div>
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So, if you are in a funk, I won't try and happy you out of it. But I think I might ask you to look around at who is walking through it with you. That way you can see how good God is and how even though He isn't moving you forward <i>right now</i>, he is still moving. Always has been. Always will. </div>
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And that makes the funk a little easier to sit though.</div>
seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-59070955994072075682012-10-02T09:27:00.000-05:002012-10-02T09:28:59.808-05:00Pastime activities and time passing<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just stopping in for a minute to let you know that I am still around! Things always get busy for our family in the fall. Little Man, who is the same height I am now, is just about to wrap up his football season. More losses than wins this year but as a team they have played well. We have just been playing some giants! Several times my 5 foot 8 inch tall boy has gone up against kids that were so big he bounced off them when he hit them, but he kept at it! Two more games, two days of rest, then right into practice for basketball season. He is holding his own in school right now and so we are well begun into our year of seventh grade adventures. We have his IEP meeting this week so any prayers for wisdom and guidance will be gratefully and gladly accepted!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Little bit is running me crazy! She is loving school, and is starting to show some interest in specific things that we can encourage. I do believe our little star will be getting a kareoke machine for Christmas, and possibly a keyboard. I have read several articles that five is a great age to begin keyboard lessons. She is going to be able to learn the music alphabet, what each note looks like and does, and how to position her fingers. By the time she is seven, if she would like to transition or add another instrument, then she will already have basic music concepts covered. I am thinking she will really like this! She has also developed a love of puzzles and we are doing our best to keep her stocked with challenging ones!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have discovered that I have no hobbies to update you on. Unless it's walking. I don't really consider that a hobby though. I walk to keep my attitude in check and to keep my cardiovascular and muscle systems fit. But it isn't really something that I would call a hobby. I am up to about 5 miles a day, 2-3 days a week. I do feel better for it though.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> I believe this is what they call a season, this time of others focus. But I really think I need to find something that is all my own. There are lots of things I want to try, but the biggest of them is learning archery. We had an outdoor sports expo outreach at our church over the summer and I really enjoyed shooting! Now, I said ARCHERY, not HUNTING. Big difference. I want to shoot at paper targets taped to straw bales. NOT Bambi. Maybe this can be a goal for 2013. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am currently blogging for books. you may have noticed in my last few posts. I love reading and with our reduced budget for </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">books</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">, I have found this a cost-effective way to feed my addiction, while providing a great service to some really good writers!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">OK, time for me to be off and doing. I am still busy in kids ministry and I need to go decorate our classrooms for October curriculum. I will be back to write as soon as I can. Until then, I will leave you with a passage that is really warming my heart these days:</span></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">But now,
this is what the</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="small-caps"><span style="background-color: white; font-variant: small-caps; line-height: 115%;">Lord</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">says—</span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">he who created</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">you, O Jacob,</span></span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">he who formed</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">you, O Israel:</span></span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"><span class="text"><span style="background: white;">“Fear not, for I have redeemed</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background: white;">you;</span></span></span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I have summoned you by name;</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">you are mine.</span></span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="text"><b><sup><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"><span id="en-NIV1984-18508"> </span></span></sup></b></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">When you pass through the waters,</span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I will be with you;</span></span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"><span class="text"><span style="background: white;">and when you pass through the rivers,</span></span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">they will not sweep over you.</span></span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span class="text"><span style="background: white;">When you walk through the fire,</span></span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">you will not be burned;</span></span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">the flames will not set you ablaze.</span></span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"><span class="text"><span style="background: white;"><span id="en-NIV1984-18509">For I am the</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white;"> </span></span><span class="small-caps"><span style="background: white; font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span></span><span class="text"><span style="background: white;">, your God,</span></span></span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">the Holy One</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">of Israel, your Savior;</span></span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"><span class="text"><span style="background: white;">I give Egypt</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background: white;">for your ransom,</span></span></span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">Cush</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">and Seba</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">in your stead.</span></span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="text"><b><sup><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"><span id="en-NIV1984-18510"> </span></span></sup></b></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">Since you are precious and honored</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">in my sight,</span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">and because I love</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">you,</span></span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span class="text"><span style="background: white;">I will give men in exchange for you,</span></span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="indent-1-breaks"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">and people in exchange for your life.</span></span></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="text"><b><sup><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"><span id="en-NIV1984-18511"> </span></span></sup></b></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">Do not be afraid,</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">for I am with you;</span></span></i></span></blockquote>
</blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Isaiah 43:1-5</span></span></span></div>
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seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-81338426050558643892012-08-28T20:15:00.001-05:002012-08-28T20:15:19.794-05:00Walking around with rocks in my shoes<div style="text-align: justify;">
When I was out for a walk the other day I got a little tiny stone in my shoe. One that was <em>itty bitty</em> tiny. I was about three and half miles into my walk and was at a nice brisk pace so I didn't want to stop and ruin my rhythm by taking off my shoe and shaking it out. </div>
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</div>
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So I kept going. </div>
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</div>
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I would shake my foot but that little tiny stone wouldn't move. I stopped long enough to bang my toe on the road a few times to move the itty bitty annoyance, but it still didn't move. I kept walking and with each block, that stone got bigger. By the time I turned the corner at the end of the road it felt like I had a boulder in my shoe. My foot was starting to hurt and all I could focus on was that stone in my shoe. I finally stopped and took my shoe off, but not before I had a pretty tender spot on the ball of my foot. It was sore all that evening and into the next day.</div>
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Sitting here at the end of <em>today</em>, I realize that sometimes things that happen in our life are like that little tiny stone. </div>
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</div>
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I had something happen this morning that, while not big in the grand scheme of life, was enough to annoy me. But instead of sitting down right then and really talking it over with God, maybe look up a few verses, or even call to mind some of the ones I have stored in my heart, I let that situation sit there for awhile. </div>
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Then I tried to move it to the side, but it didn't go anywhere.</div>
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Then I took a couple bangs at it in my own power. Yeah, you can imagine how well that worked out.</div>
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</div>
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I tried to ignore it for awhile but by this afternoon my attitude was sore, worn down and painful. </div>
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</div>
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How often do we let something small have a really big influence on us, simply because we aren't willing to stop and deal with it as soon as we notice it? If you are like me, probably too often to want to admit.</div>
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</div>
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If I had only thought to stop and ask for a Word, I probably would have found the verses below hours ago. They talk about salvation, freedom, trust, hope and obedience. All things I could have used a reminder of this morning. And if I had found these words, I wouldn't have ended the day with a sore and battered attitude. </div>
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I could have spent the day trusting God instead of focusing on that one little thing that was irritating me. </div>
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</div>
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May I offer these verses to tuck inside <em>your</em> heart for the next time you have a little stone that needs to be removed?</div>
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<em>May your unfailing love <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15940BQ" title="See cross-reference BQ">BQ</a>)"></sup> come to me, <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>,<br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-119-41">your salvation, according to your promise; <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15940BR" title="See cross-reference BR">BR</a>)"></sup> </span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-119-42" id="en-NIV-15941"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>then I can answer <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15941BS" title="See cross-reference BS">BS</a>)"></sup> anyone who taunts me, <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15941BT" title="See cross-reference BT">BT</a>)"></sup> </span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-119-42">for I trust in your word.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-119-43" id="en-NIV-15942">Never take your word of truth from my mouth, <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15942BU" title="See cross-reference BU">BU</a>)"></sup> </span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-119-43">for I have put my hope <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15942BV" title="See cross-reference BV">BV</a>)"></sup> in your laws.</span></span></em><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-119-43"></span></span><em><span class="text Ps-119-44" id="en-NIV-15943"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>I will always obey your law, <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15943BW" title="See cross-reference BW">BW</a>)"></sup> </span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-119-44">for ever and ever.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-119-45" id="en-NIV-15944">I will walk about in freedom,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-119-45">for I have sought out your precepts. <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15944BX" title="See cross-reference BX">BX</a>)"></sup> </span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-119-46" id="en-NIV-15945">I will speak of your statutes before kings <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15945BY" title="See cross-reference BY">BY</a>)"></sup> </span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-119-46">and will not be put to shame, <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15945BZ" title="See cross-reference BZ">BZ</a>)"></sup> </span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-119-47" id="en-NIV-15946">for I delight <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15946CA" title="See cross-reference CA">CA</a>)"></sup> in your commands</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-119-47">because I love them. <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15946CB" title="See cross-reference CB">CB</a>)"></sup> </span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-119-48" id="en-NIV-15947">I reach out for your commands, which I love,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-119-48">that I may meditate <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15947CC" title="See cross-reference CC">CC</a>)"></sup> on your decrees.</span></span></em><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-119-48">Psalm 119:41-48</span></span>seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-88091253265137128832012-08-20T08:48:00.000-05:002012-08-20T08:48:10.633-05:00So my perception was a little off<div style="text-align: justify;">
Once I decided to be a stay at home mom I thought that this would be my days:</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
Get up and do a long devotion and study time.</div>
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<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
Get fully dressed, including hair and make up</div>
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<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
Gently wake my precious children with smiles and happiness</div>
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<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
Make a nutritious home-cooked breakfast</div>
</li>
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
Write a witty blog post that will encourage and lead others </div>
</li>
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
fill the day with fun, easy-going family activities, learning opportunities and restfulness</div>
</li>
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
Welcome home my White Knight with his favorite dinners and a sparkling clean home</div>
</li>
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
End the day with a quiet devotion and the sense that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and the satisfaction of being a stay at home mom.</div>
</li>
</ul>
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During the school year I would also patiently help my son with his homework, bake cookies for my daughter's class and be the perfect sports and room mom.</div>
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You know, The Proverbs 31 woman for the year 2012.<br />
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Bahahahahahahahaha!!!!!<br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
I have discovered that to be THAT woman I need to be a <em>different</em> woman! One that God has not either a: made me to be or b: started working in me to be. I have spent the last year being more disappointed in myself and my abilities than anything else.</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<em>Why in the world did I think I could be the P31 mom to perfection?</em></div>
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This summer I was more the crazy, unfocused, unorganized, scattered and stressed mom. But as the summer went along, and I got more focused about talking to and with God, and getting intentional about studying to better myself through God's Word I learned some things. See if any of these sound familiar, or maybe something will let you take a deep breath and let some things go. </div>
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You can't be what God hasn't made you to be, but you can try to be a better you every day.</div>
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More often than not, I am going to screw up at some point each day. I will forget something, lose my temper, forget my priorities etc. God is really awesome about getting me back on track and helping me make amends where I need to, so there is no need to carry around the less-than-perfect mommy guilt. His mercies are new every morning. <strong>Let. It. Go</strong>.</div>
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A clean house isn't an indication of my abilities as a mother. My children are. I learned that if my kids have clean clothes to wear and clean dishes to eat off of, then the rest can wait. </div>
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When my daughter tells me I am the best mom in the world, instead of feeling sorry for her that she has no better frame of reference, I can now honestly be thankful that I filled her love tank and I can also know that maybe, just maybe, today I earned an "atta girl" from my Heavenly Father as well.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Four short devotions, done with complete attention for 5-10 minutes throughout the day will help me stay focused on what is truly important as well as, if not better than, one long session in the morning. If I only get three pages of a study done, but I really think about those three pages for the rest of the day, I am growing and learning. It's not how much, but how deep.</div>
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Praying sounds more like day-long off and on conversations, muttering and exclamations these days, but God really really likes to hear from me whenever, wherever. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I will have so much time to blog when my kids are grown and gone. I miss being here more regularly and I hope to get back to my two a week postings soon, but watching my son play football, planting flowers with my daughter, and doing home repair and improvement projects with my White Knight, well those need to be done while I still have the opportunity to do them. Time flies away unnoticed all too often. I am trying to be here (in the moment with my family) which means sometimes I can't be <em>here </em>(blogging).</div>
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<br /></div>
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So what I thought being a stay at home mom would be like isn't anywhere close to what actually is. For me anyway. But I am getting more and more OK with that every day. </div>
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seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-25062287372431871022012-07-14T22:31:00.000-05:002012-07-14T22:36:04.585-05:00FuriousI've recently fallen in love with a song that refers to God's love as furious. Dictionary.com defines furious as follows:<br />
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<span class="pg">adjective</span><br />
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<div class="luna-Ent">
<span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">1.</span> </span></span><br />
<div class="dndata">
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">full</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">of</span> fury,</span><span id="hotword"> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">violent</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">passion,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">rage;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">extremely</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">angry;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">enraged</span></span></div>
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<div class="luna-Ent">
<span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">2.</span> </span></span><br />
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<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">intensely</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">violent,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">as</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">wind</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">storms.</span> </span></div>
</div>
<div class="luna-Ent">
<span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">3.</span> </span></span><br />
<div class="dndata">
<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">of</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">unrestrained</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">energy,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">speed,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">etc.</span></span><span class="ital-inline"><span id="hotword"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="ital-inline">Now, I would never define God's love for me as "extremely angry; enraged", but unrestrained energy, speed, etc... yeah, I like that. A lot. I know that God has always been right where I need him, right when I need him, no matter when or where. And the fact that that love can't be restrained? Awesome.</span></div>
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</div>
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<span class="ital-inline">I also can get the intensely violent, as wind or storms. Sometimes God's love has to sweep in and blow out some of the mess, the clutter of our hearts before we can truly feel him. Sometimes his love is the storm, even though it is painful, the storm shows us his heart for us.</span></div>
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</div>
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<span class="ital-inline">And my prayer is that my love for God would grow to become furious as well. A love of unrestrained energy and speed. That I would run to him as fast as I can with everything that is in me. </span></div>
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<span class="ital-inline"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=behoFhOb61s&feature=related" target="_blank">Furious</a> by Jeremy Riddle</span></div>
<div class="dndata">
</div>
<div class="dndata">
</div>
<div class="dndata">
<span class="ital-inline">"Your love is deep, Your love is wide, and it covers us....</span></div>
<div class="dndata">
</div>
<div class="dndata">
</div>
<div class="dndata">
<span class="ital-inline"> Your love is fierce, Your love is strong, it is furious....</span></div>
<div class="dndata">
</div>
<div class="dndata">
</div>
<div class="dndata">
<span class="ital-inline"> Your love is sweet, Your love is wild, and it is waking hearts to life..."</span></div>
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<br /></div>
</div>seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-69707756912611171822012-07-09T13:19:00.000-05:002012-07-09T13:19:26.421-05:00Grieving, quenching and benching<div style="text-align: justify;">
I am in a season of quiet. I don't like it. I am not an "in the quiet" kind of person. I like to be doing, leading, teaching, growing and so on. Recently talking with a friend we decided that when it comes to ministry, to use a football term, I like to be the coach; scoping out the needs on the field, making sure people are where they need to be and have what they need and developing the skills they need to go out there and win! I never have wanted to be the star quarterback, the running back that goes for a 60 yard touchdown or the one that kicks the game winning field goal. I want to be on the sidelines helping others do their best to win the game. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
That's me. Perfectly described. Its an active role in ministry and it is very very fulfilling. It might also explain why I loved working as an administrative assistant. Lots of work to make sure that others job is easier and that they have everything they need to succeed. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
For the last year, "coaching" jobs have been very few and very far between. I have struggled to stay out of the feelings that I am prone to. Feeling useless, disconnected, and overlooked. I won't lie, it is a struggle to remind myself that these things aren't true. You can put Scripture in front of me all day long, and while I know it in my head, my heart constantly tries to argue it away. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
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But I continue to ask God to help me believe what I know instead of what I feel.</div>
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This season of quiet has lasted a long time. I have been trying to figure it out, find what I am doing wrong. Mostly I ask myself, "Am I in the wrong place?" And God has been very silent.</div>
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Yesterday I feel like I finally got my answer. </div>
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Our pastor has an amazing ability to share God's message. He can deliver his message and you know, you just KNOW that it wasn't his message at all. God had spoken and that it was meant just for you. Yesterday, about 2/3 of the way through, I felt God tapping me on the shoulder and telling me to pay attention, that this was just for me.</div>
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Pastor's whole message was on quenching and grieving the Holy Spirit. It was a very good message and I was taking a lot of notes. Then he started talking about ways we quench the Spirit. Ways that we keep the Spirit from working in and through us. Some of them hit really close to home. I had never considered myself the type of person that would actually grieve the Spirit. Yes, I can be disobedient to God, or I can ignore callings to come and talk with Him, but to actually <i>grieve </i>God? I hadn't really put myself in that category. </div>
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But I heard about quenching the Spirit by not taking my life, cares, concerns and worries to Him<i> first</i>.Big and little. Life-changing and hum-drum. I generally try to handle the day -to -day stuff myself. It never crosses my mind to talk to God about the little things. He is a big God so I guess I tend to save Him for my big things. Then I heard how when I ignore the promptings of the Spirit to go a different way or make a different choice, I quench the Spirit. Refusing to step out in faith quenches the Spirit. Not using our gifts in the way God is asking us to quenches the Spirit. Allowing feelings that don't glorify God to impact my relationship with other believers quenches the Spirit. </div>
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And all this quenching grieves God because it becomes a breach in our relationship. The entire purpose of Jesus' life and death and resurrection was to heal the breach between us and God, and now I am causing a breach through my unwillingness or insensitivity or down-right disobedience to the Spirit's leading. That does grieve God. Yes ma'am it does. In a big big way. It's like telling Jesus thanks but no thanks for all that you did. I will just go my own way.</div>
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This was such a light-bulb moment for me. I have been so intent on not getting to serve and not using my gifts in the way I wanted, being unable to do the things in my home life that I wanted, focusing on things that were my desire, that I had completely shut the Spirit down. I was only listening to me. And God can't use a me-focused girl. </div>
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What did I conclude? Wait for it cause this is deep stuff.... I am in a spiritual time-out. Just like a toddler, I have been throwing a fit, not listening and insisting on my own way, so God has essentially put me in the corner until I can be quiet and listen to Him. He can't use me in the way he intends with all my attention focused on, well, me. Told you it was deep. </div>
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God has me where I am for this time and season for a reason. Is it where I want to be? Kinda, but with some qualifiers. I never have liked the quiet. I like the doing and going. <span style="background-color: white;">God has some stuff to teach me, but have I been making a point to learn those things? Nope. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">So God put this "coach" on the bench until she can be quiet and learn the new plays He has for her.<i>Yes, I know coaches don't actually get "benched" but work with me here</i>. How long will it last? I don't know. I just know that God has the habit of keeping me where I am until I can truly show contentment in my heart. </span></div>
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Maybe God will call me off the bench tomorrow, or maybe three months from now, but at least I know something in my life, in my relationship with God, that hasn't been working. And <strike>I</strike> <i>we</i> can work on that.</div>
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<br /></div>seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-87860966702182352632012-05-22T11:03:00.003-05:002012-05-22T11:08:52.336-05:00Where does God go?<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I heard some very sad news about an old friend yesterday. Blinded by the worldliness of things desired, and listening to the unholy whispers making things seem right and all OK, making wrong choices. Stepping outside God's will and way. Walking away. And I asked myself:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Where does God go when we walk away from him?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I hear things like "He's right where you left him.", and "He's waiting for you." but these aren't really true are they?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He doesn't leave us alone. He has promised that in his Word. So if he isn't "somewhere" well then, he must be "here". We are choosing not to see, not to look.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then I got to thinking, how many times do I step outside God's will, choose my own way, and never think a thing about it? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And he is right there next to me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We look at others who make big mistakes and shake our head, murmur a prayer, and determine to "be there" for them when they return to God's way. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But looking in through the mirror of God's eyes at my everyday life, I see a million tiny steps that take me in the wrong direction. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And God is right there for them all.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>When I give up his peace to yell at my children.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>When I give up his guiding to spend that extra money on something that is truly a "want".</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I don't trust Him to be there, so take control; again.</i></div>
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<i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></i></div>
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<i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I give up His purpose for my own willful way.</i></div>
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<i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then I asked myself:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What must God look like as he watches me defy him? Or when I simply choose not to let him be God? Is his face covered in sadness? Are his eyes a little brighter with disappointment? Does his heart hurt at my disregard of his love and sacrifice?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As I consider these things, will I allow it to change me? Truly, deeply, at the very core of who I am?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some people's disobedience is much easier to see than others, but remembering that <i>any</i> wrong choice is sin might help us to keep a holier perspective. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And knowing that God isn't "somewhere" but <i>right here,</i> as close as our breath, might remind us to try a little harder, live a little better. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because God never goes anywhere, and knowing he is watching our wrong choices and willful disobedience <i>has</i> to be enough to change our heart and mind. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Forgiveness, guidance and strength, are right here waiting. <b><i>God hasn't gone anywhere.</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">“For I know the plans</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I
have for you, ”declares the</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="small-caps"><span style="background-color: white; font-variant: small-caps; line-height: 115%;">Lord,</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">“plans
to prosper</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">you
and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.</span><b><sup value="(<a href="#cen-NIV1984-19647C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"></span><span id="en-NIV1984-19648"> </span></sup></b><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">Then
you will call</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">upon
me and come and pray</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">to
me, and I will listen</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">to
you.</span></span><b><sup><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></sup></b><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">You will seek</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span></i><span class="text"><i><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">me
and find me when you seek me with all your heart.</span>”</i></span></span><span class="text"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Jeremiah 29:11-13</span></span></blockquote>
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<span class="text"><br /></span></div>seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-19727042362254676952012-05-12T22:46:00.001-05:002012-05-12T22:46:41.052-05:00Teaching little birds to fly<div style="text-align: justify;">
When did I become the authority on <i>everything</i>?</div>
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As I was on a walk today, I was praying for my son, and I heard a little voice telling me to be quiet sometimes. </div>
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The more I thought about it, the more I realized, I tend, completely on accident, to present myself as the ultimate authority on many things to my son. </div>
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I give him laundry lists of dos, don'ts, shoulds, shouldn'ts, try this, don't try that, be aware of this and don't even<i> think</i> about considering this!</div>
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As he enters his teen years, I have been asking myself more, "What decisions, good and bad, are right around the corner for him"? Have I been preparing him to discern for himself how to make the wise choice, or have I crippled him into believing that he needs someone to point out the answer?</div>
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Constantly I hear "I know" when I tell him something. I have been annoyed by it, thinking, "No, you <i>don't </i>know, that is why I am telling you." But now I wonder, does he know and I am just not allowing him to express things in his own way? Have I been frustrating him by assuming since he doesn't respond the same way I do that he is unprepared for his stage in life? Am I steamrolling his self-confidence by trying to mother too much?</div>
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I had an image of a Momma bird, wing tucked tight to her body, holding her baby chick tight against herself under the protection of her feathers.The only problem is, if we are that Momma bird, we generally don't pay attention to what happens next. We are happy and content with providing complete shelter for our baby. We don't want to take the next step. But here is what <i>has</i> to happen:</div>
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For that Momma bird, as her baby bird grows, she loosens her hold. She watches but doesn't control as he stretches his wings, safe inside the nest. She observes and trains but doesn't stop him as he flaps around, testing his strength. She provides support and nourishes him until that one day. The day that definitely is <i>his</i> <i>day</i>. The day he needs to fly. </div>
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Does she grab him close? Does she tuck him under that wing? </div>
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No. </div>
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She watches, and if he takes too long, she nudges, shoos and pushes until he takes off and flies on his own. </div>
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I am in the flapping around, testing his strength phase. If I don't allow him to do things on his own, he won't ever be strong enough when it is his time to fly. </div>
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We have all seen baby birds on the ground. The are flapping around, trying to fly, and there isn't a Momma bird around. </div>
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Or is there?</div>
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When we see that baby bird, we wonder why the Momma isn't there helping them, getting them going, keeping the world away until they are ready to try again. (Usually they are close by. We don't see them, but they are almost always there.)</div>
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I think that Momma bird knows something we need to remember. For our children to be strong enough to fly solo, they need to be able fall. And when they fall, they have to figure out how to find the strength to get back up and try again. <i>On their own</i>. To try harder, or try something else. Sometimes we need to let them see some of the dangers in our world, because if they try to jump out of the nest and fly without all the training, the practice and the falls, without being aware that threats exist, then they will be totally unprepared to make it against the bigger threats to come.</div>
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As a parent, I have to nudge my son toward the real world. If I continue to solve every problem, shield him from every struggle, pain, and consequence, he will be completely unprepared to fly. </div>
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I am not saying we need to throw them over the side with a good luck and good bye, but taking a long, hard look at the concept of over-protecting might be in order. </div>
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I <i>know</i>, I KNOW! We don't <i>want</i> our babies to hurt, to struggle, to have to deal with consequences. It hurts our Momma hearts. But to grow strong, healthy, able adults, we need to allow some of the real world in, a little at a time, <i>under our supervision</i>, while we can still help, guide and train.</div>
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As tomorrow is Mother's Day, I am going to do my best to start letting my little bird (who is NOT so little) show me what he can do. I am going to let him stretch his wings a little more often, and I am going to let him see over the edge of that nest. Only five short years until he will be considered an "adult" by the world standards, and definitely by his. That's not much time to train him into all he will need to know to fly. </div>
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Let the nudging begin!</div>
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<br />seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-72814877519120640702012-04-26T11:58:00.000-05:002012-04-26T11:59:35.496-05:00The Bible is my go-to book, but not really<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white;">"Study this Book of Instruction continually. </span></i><span style="background-color: white;"><i>Meditate</i></span><span style="background-color: white;"><i> on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do." </i>Joshua 1:8</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">my son is entering the teenage years. Sometimes the things he does leave me flummoxed (verb: to bewilder, confound, confuse). It has really been becoming clear to me that I have no idea how to deal with a teenage boy. What to do?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As a stay at home mom I really want to make what I do in the home meaningful, consistent and welcoming. With my ADD sanguine personality, I can't even tell you how almost impossible this is for me. How do I keep from getting overwhelmed?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I love food. The taste, the processes of cooking and baking, the smells, the textures. All of it. And it shows in my dress size and fitness level. Why can't I control my eating and lose weight?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Do any of these scenarios sound familiar? Please someone say yes! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To help me with these issues, I got books. I purchased "<a href="http://www.heartshoppe.com/6092.html">Got Teens</a>?" by Jill Savage and Pam Farrell, "<a href="http://www.heartshoppe.com/the-complete-guide-to-getting-and-staying-organized.html">The Complete Guide to Getting and Staying Organized</a>" by Karen Ehman, "<a href="http://www.mindystarnsclark.com/house.php">The House That Cleans Itself</a>" by Mindy Starns Clark, "<a href="http://www.bhpublishinggroup.com/books/products.asp?p=9781433669736">Reshaping It All</a>" by Candace Cameron Bure, and "<a href="http://lysaterkeurst.com/made-to-crave/">Made to Crave</a>" by Lysa TerKeurst.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I read blogs. Lots and lots of blogs!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now, let me first tell you that I loved each and every one of these books. If I didn't, I wouldn't have listed them, much less linked them. They are packed full of encouragement, plans, lists, to-dos, to-dont's, booty-kicking and Scriptures. They are good books.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But they are not the Good Book.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As a Jesus-lovin' girl, I know and I mean <i>know</i> that the Bible is truth. It is strength, it is direction, it is encouragement. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And sadly, it is usually the last self-help book I grab when I have something I need to work through. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All the instruction I will ever need is right there. Every topic, every struggle covered and conquered right there in the pages of a love letter just for me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And you. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think I tend to turn to books written by people because i want to re-affirm to myself that i am not the only one who is or has gone through this. And if they did it, then I want their tips and tricks to get me through too. And this is good. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But it shouldn't be our first step. This should be around step <u>four</u> in our journey.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you are like me, then the first two are ones that generally get skipped.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="background-color: white;">Step One</b>: Pray about it. Go to God first before anyone else. Speak it all out to him. The good, the bad, the things you feel are impossible. Tell Him everything, then sit still and listen. sometimes you will have to be still for a long time. Longer than you want. Keep waiting.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Step Two</b>: Open your Bible. Make it your go-to book for <i>everything</i>. The best advice will always be right from the Word of God. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Struggling with eating? Try doing a word study of food; Self-control. Providing. Sufficiency. Satisfied. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lost trying to be a good, godly parent? Try looking up the words children, lead, discipline, teach, guide, LOVE. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sometimes the Scripture will apply to your situation, sometimes it won't. But you will be reading from the true source of knowledge. You will be placing a lot of Scripture in your mind and in your heart without a middle-man sharing <i>their</i> impressions and learnings. It will be you and God, walking together. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Step Three</b>: Apply what you learned. This is the hard part. Not only in being willing to do what you have learned, but in figuring out how to practically apply it. Sometimes after I have learned something from Scripture, I feel like I completely understand and am ready to follow through on the why, but the <i>how</i> seems cloudy. This is the time to go for help. If you can't see ways to make the changes you learned, then ask a friend, find a group, buy some books. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Step Four</b>: Get Help. Godly counsel from friends, family and outside sources is the best way to change your path. Once you know what you need to do, getting help doing it is not only wise, it can make it fun! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Parenting a teen has days, weeks, even <i>seasons</i> when it seems like fun has died, <u>but it hasn't</u>! Get together with a friend who is where you are now, and a friend who has already blazed a path and can stand up the road cheering you on. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Get accountability for being a homemaker by getting together with another homemaker. Have your own accountability group. Do a Bible study together that is on a home-centered topic or read a book and have a micro book club to encourage each other. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Develop a group to help you lose weight. My friend has a group that named themselves the Dirty Skirt Girls. They are Jesus-loving health freaks. They work out together, do walks and runs together, train together, cook together, and carry each other through major illnesses and struggles, all the time keeping each other on a healthy path. If I didn't live six hours away I would totally be in her group! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are thousands of good books written by Christians that are bible-based and will truly help and guide you through just about any and every struggle that you will face in your life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But don't just settle for good. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Go to God <i>first</i>.<i> Get His best</i> for you before anything else. Step by step, in order, one at a time. And you will prosper and be successful in all you do.</span></div>seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-57329779919582942652012-04-14T02:15:00.000-05:002012-04-14T02:15:53.581-05:00Why I decided to give up<span style="color: blue;"><em> <blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: blue;"><em>"Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord." </em></span><span style="color: blue;">1 Corinthians 15:58 NKJV</span></blockquote>
</em></span><div style="text-align: justify;">
"I am clearly alone in a <em>sea of insanity</em>. No one is coming to help me, I will never get my brain to slow down. The thoughts are too numerous and too fast. And so unorganized. Like me. And what I <em>can</em> get done doesn't seem to ever be enough. Or just plain good enough. I am so <em>inadequate</em> for and at this."</div>
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"What in the <em>world</em> was God thinking?"</div>
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These are all thoughts that were running through my brain after six days of spring break. I was counting down the hours until school started up again and in the back of my mind, beginning a dread and terror of what will happen in a few short weeks when they are out for summer break. 10 weeks. Are you kidding me!? I couldn't even handle six days! Oh, Lord. Help me.</div>
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Does any of this sound familiar? </div>
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Lately I have been struggling with my abilities as a stay at home mom. I struggle with discipline. I struggle with feeling like a good spiritual leader and role model. I struggle with my ability to help my children academically. I struggle with my house keeping and organizational skills. I struggle with .... well you get where I am going with this.</div>
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I am very sure that I am being obedient to God by leaving my job and committing to staying home. I couldn't have had more confirmation unless the Lord Himself came down, took my hand, and wrote my resignation for me then lead me home with a fanfare of angelic choirs.</div>
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I am quite sure I am where I am supposed to be.</div>
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But.</div>
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I have been thinking it would be better if I did go back to work. I have a list as long as my arm (folded over, alphabetized and dot-pointed) of all the ways I am not good at this. I think of how I am not capable. I read all these wonderful blogs and websites of women that seem to have no struggle or question about what they are doing, or more importantly, their ability to do it. And I feel less than. And so alone. I see put-together moms out and about with their well dressed and clean and nicely mannered children. And I want to run home and hide. If I could have figured out how to give up, I am sure I would have.</div>
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But God.</div>
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One day a stay at home mom friend made a comment about how her family has been struggling with some of the same things we (I) are. <em>What? Really??!</em></div>
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Then I read an amazing blog from Proverbs 31 writer Tracie Miles. (Linked below)</div>
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Then there was a blog from Orange Parents that made me cry. (Linked below)</div>
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Then my email updates sent me an article from Mom Life that opened my eyes. (Linked below) #s 4, 10, 14, 15, & 28 really spoke to me.</div>
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Then my daily devotion was about seeing clearly. (Linked below)</div>
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Then the focus verse for today popped up in my mind. You might think it out of no-where but really, who are we kidding?</div>
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Sometimes God tests us. He gets quiet and waits to see what choices we make. What direction we will go. Who we will turn to to get us through. If we have enough trust in him, and faith, to make it through. </div>
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Other times God can see we want a way out. We are drowning and can't seem to figure out which way to reach. We have lost our perspective and our faith is running thin. Can I just say that He will never never NEVER leave us in that place? </div>
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As you can see above, God didn't leave me in a place of self-doubt, fear, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed about my ability to be a good mother. Quickly, clearly, and leaving no room for doubt that He was talking to me, aware of me and helping me, God gave me back my direction and reminded me of some truths I have lost sight of.</div>
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No matter how many times I commit my life to him, I am going to lose perspective.</div>
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No matter how many ways I try to be perfect, I will never reach perfection.</div>
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No matter how many times I stop looking to Him first, he is always ready to get me back on track.</div>
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God chose me to be the mother of these kids. He loves them more than I do. He won't leave me alone to raise them.</div>
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God would never say a single one of those hurtful things that were running through my thoughts. Never. </div>
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I am a chosen child of God, holy and dearly loved.</div>
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I tend toward perfectionism in many ways. By this I mean that I expect things of myself that are unrealistic and when I can't obtain them, I consider myself a failure. I get really hard on myself and God can't get a word in edge-wise with all my negative self-talk. Sometimes He has to be really obvious to get me back on track. </div>
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Been there? Are there now?</div>
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If any of this strikes a familiar note with you, give up! </div>
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Give up trying to be perfect. </div>
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Give up trying to do it all alone. </div>
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Give up thinking that everyone else is doing so much better than you (as I am now reminding myself: NO ONE is perfect so quit trying to project it onto people! They mess up just like me!). </div>
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Give up listening to, and believing, the lie that we as mothers will single-handedly screw up our kids. </div>
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Give up believing that we are supposed to be a perfect mom if we stay home full time and also believing that being a Christian should in some way make us perfect in this calling.</div>
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And last but definitely not least...give up control! </div>
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A great song is Kari Jobe's "My Beloved". If you have time, google it and listen or watch it. Let God sing over you. You will see you are not alone. You can do this. And He loves you. </div>
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<span style="color: blue;">Links: </span> </div>
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<a href="http://www.orangeparents.org/hope-on-a-napkin/">Hope on a napkin</a></div>
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<a href="http://hisprincess.com/2012/04/let-me-open-your-spiritual-eyes/">Seeing Clearly</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.proverbs31.org/devotions/getting-through-another-one-of-those-days-2012-04/#.T4UUsxTL5mo.facebook">Getting through one of "those days"</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.momlifetoday.com/2012/03/24-ideas-for-connecting-with-god-when-your-brain-wont-quiet-down/">28 ways to connect with God</a> ( let me know which ones you really connected with!)</div>
seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-56628677573973815052012-04-07T00:11:00.001-05:002012-04-07T00:11:44.150-05:00City on a hill<br />
Sometimes the most profound thing you will hear is also the simplest. <br />
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I am posting a video by Kari Jobe. It is a song called We Are. The lyrics are based on some of my very favorite verses.<br />
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I am posting this on Good Friday because this song spoke of Jesus' love in just the right way to me, and is calling me on to share it. I hope that it might do the same to you.<br />
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This song simply says:<br />
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We are the light of the world<br />
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We are the city on a hill<br />
We are the light of the world<br />
We gotta, we gotta, we gotta let the light shine<br />
Let the light shine, let the light shine<br />
We are called to the spread the news<br />
Tell the world the simple truth<br />
Jesus came to save, there's freedom in His Name<br />
So let His love break through<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: blue;">“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. </span><span style="color: blue;">You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others" Matthew 5:13-16</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: blue;">"So that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me." Philippians 2:15-18</span></blockquote>
</span><span style="color: blue;"></span><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/B07iK9uh9qY" width="560"></iframe>seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-55124133048097188152012-03-19T09:51:00.000-05:002012-03-19T09:51:22.772-05:00Finding balance<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23</i></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Finding balance isn't easy for me. I started the year with a simplified schedule. I cut out several things that I like doing so that I would be able to do other things with more focus and so that I would have more margin. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is only the middle of March and I am once again heading toward over-commitment. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why is this such a problem for me? I think I have figured it out. Lack of self-control. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We generally think of self-control when it comes to eating, money, shopping or our temper, but saying no takes a lot more self control that you might think.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't get bogged down in things that I hate to do. OK, putting away laundry and hand-washing floors are not things that I <i>love</i>, but I don't hate them. I get overwhelmed by things that are good. That are fun. That I <i>like</i> to do! Serving in one too many ministries at church. Offering help to one more friend. Saying yes to that one temporary job outside the home. Scheduling too many extracurricular activities for our family. One too many lunches with my friends.</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have been known to spend the majority of my time on something trying to "get it in order", but I then am forced to spend extra time somewhere else to make up for it. For example: I decided I needed to put my need to exercise on the front burner because I wanted to get healthy (and lets face it, slimmer and sexier!). I spent a couple weeks putting in tons of extra time trying to walk my way thin and neglected my housework. I then realized that I had a disgusting house and had to spend extra time getting it back in order. My exercise went out the window. Another example: I teach our church's kindergarten thru 5th grade class during one of our main services and I love it. But I also am part of the worship team which feeds my spirit. Last year during the week before Easter I was at the church every afternoon/evening working on something. No exercise or housework or family time that week. by Sunday, you know, EASTER Sunday (My absolute favorite day of the year by the way!) I was so sick I couldn't go to church. I missed my favorite church day, my favorite day of the year because I was so overworked and run down that I became sick. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Good things don't necessarily make them the right things to be doing. I am once again figuring out how to thin down our family's to-do's so that we can spend more time together. I don't want our summer to be a series of timetables, chore charts and busy busy busy. Not only does this create a home environment that is hurried and chaotic, but it also creates hurried and chaotic emotions and thoughts. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">By using the above verse from Galatians, I have a great scale to weigh our schedule on. Here are a few ways to figure out if what you are comptemplating adding to your schedule should really be there:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Love:</b> Ask yourself if this is something that will allow you and or your family to show love to each other or those outside your family. If it is just something fun to do and will take up valuable time, it might be something you need to pass on... for now.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Joy:</b> Will I or my family be able to experience and share true joy through this activity or commitment?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Peace:</b> Will I be able to keep the peace of our home if I add this? Our home is to be a place of rest and refuge for every person that lives there. If I am adding chaos or clutter that I can't keep up with, it isn't worth it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Patience:</b> I know I have this in limited supply so I need to ask myself - is my schedule set in such a way as to help me tend my patience, or will it send me off on an emotional explosion by the end of the day, week or month?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Kindness:</b> Will this activity allow either me or my family to show kindness to others? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Goodness:</b> Will I be honoring God intentionally with this activity?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Faithfulness:</b> Will adding something else to my schedule keep me from being faithful to God in honoring my quiet time, Bible study and prayer?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Gentleness:</b> Will I and/or my family be able to do this activity with gentleness or will we fill rushed and have the possibility of hurting ourselves or others through thoughts, words or deeds?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Self-control:</b> After looking at the situation thoroughly, make a decision based on wisdom and discernment. Do I say yes, no or later? Then <i>do it</i> and stick to my decision.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's a long, hard list to consider. We tend to seek and desire the best, the newest, the brightest, the most. Because of this mentality, we have taken good things and placed them in a position of power in our lives. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">~ We work longer to </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">acquire</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> things and are tired and worn out all the time because of it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">~ Once we get those things we give them too much of our time and attention.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">~ We serve more to prove our heart, even though it just doesn't work that way with God.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">~ We have more activities to keep us entertained and yet we become disconnected and lose focus on the important things in the process. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>We are tired, stressed and stretched to our limit. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have spent the last week looking at and considering my and my family's pace and focus. Can I encourage you to do the same? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">God did not intend our lives to be too fast, too full and too stressed. He has given us the tools and ability to make an informed, intentional decision regarding everything in our lives. I have determined to take back my schedule and my family's schedule. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Will you join me?</span></div>
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<br /></div>seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-53890405242331655232012-02-27T13:46:00.000-06:002012-02-29T20:59:38.915-06:00Struggling with the Sovereign<div style="text-align: justify;">
I was going to follow up my previous post with talking about perfect parent syndrome. It is one of the chapters in the book Parenting Beyond Your Capacity by Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof. Actually they talk about Stock Family syndrome and how it starts with wanting to appear perfect, especially as the perfect parent. I was going to talk about how<i> I</i> struggle with wanting to be the perfect parent. </div>
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But my life the last week has been more about my kids. One in particular. My son. My funny, athletic, tender-hearted, hugging, turning into a teenager son. About how I want him to be more normal and how my faith shakes. </div>
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At least for a little bit.</div>
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We had his latest IEP meeting (Individualized Education Plan) and when we got the results from his reading assessments for the year, it hurt. Practically no improvement this year. At the start of the school year, I was so hopeful and excited to see what God was going to do this year. I was believing Him for big things. For big improvements. And apparently, for something that isn't in His timing and plan. At least, not now.</div>
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Every time I have to go to an IEP meeting, or meet with a teacher regarding his reading, I come out heart-sick, angry and let down. </div>
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The truth is, I feel all those things toward God. </div>
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As a parent, to watch your kid struggle with something just breaks your heart, but to put on top of it something that feels like misplaced faith in a God who you believe in and love so much, sometimes it just feels too much to bear. </div>
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I think, "Wouldn't it be better to give up believing God is in this than to believe that He is choosing to allow this for my son?"</div>
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I struggle mightily with the fact that my son has something that I can't help him past. That my role in all this is to support and encourage and pray,<i> but not to fix</i>.</div>
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In the way that He always does, God listened. He acknowledged everything I was feeling. How do I know? I just do. I feel it inside. I feel like I have been heard. I feel like God wants me to let it out, to share everything with him, even the ugly stuff that I am scared to say, but can't hold in. Even in the midst of being angry and hurt, I still feel like he wants me to bring it all, everything I have, blasting with both barrels or crying out a broken heart. </div>
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And I do. </div>
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Blast away with both barrels and cry. Accuse him of disinterest. Of being unfair. </div>
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After I had had a day to work around my anger and remind myself that God loves my son, and is working out something in his character that will glorify the Lord, that will show my son the sovereignty of His plan and His love for my boy, I picked up my current Bible study for our ladies group.</div>
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Now, I am not going to tell you I was feeling particularly excited to get into my study. We are studying David and I felt about as far from<b> the man after God's own heart</b> as I could get. I still wasn't particularly interested in spending time with God yet, but I have made a commitment to do the study and so I opened the pages and grudgingly began to fill in the blanks and read the Scriptures noted inside.</div>
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And wouldn't you know it, <i>there God was</i>. I had no idea what the study had in store for us this week, where the author would take us, or what Scripture would be applied. But guess what? God did.</div>
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We are doing Beth Moore's study "David: Seeking a Heart Like His". This is what I read:</div>
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"When we wait on God, He gives supernatural strength and accomplishes the inconceivable. did you notice how God gave David the vision for the temple but his offspring was to build it? God can entrust a vision or an idea to us that may be ours to pray about and prepare for, but not participate in directly....." </blockquote>
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A couple of paragraphs later I read this: </div>
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<i>"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?"</i> Romans 8:32</blockquote>
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In His sovereignty, He knew exactly what I would be struggling with, and He knew exactly what I would be reading. I tend to think that he was sitting there, waiting for me to catch up with Him. After I read what I read, I had the distinct feeling that God was saying, </div>
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"<i>You, my daughter, forget who I AM</i>. I couldn't wait for you to get here. I knew that we needed to meet right here and I wanted you to see me show up right on time... like you just said I never do. I love you, and am ALWAYS involved in everything that hurts you, that makes you cry, that tries to pull your heart from ME. You are never alone in your hurt. And what you seem to forget so easily is that I love your son more than you will ever be able to understand; I am with him through all of this, every second of it. Every step of struggle, my hand is on his shoulder."</div>
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In that little section of study, God showed me that I was not waiting on him, that I was wanting to see things done my way, in my timeline. </div>
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He was reminding me that He will only move in<i> His</i> way and <i>His </i>time because they are good and perfect, and my plans are... well.... not.</div>
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He sees so many things that I never will, has planned things I know nothing about. And I tend to forget that He loves my boy so much more than I do and that I will never comprehend the depth of it.</div>
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He reminded me that I need to keep praying for and preparing for what God is going to do in my son's life, but what God is doing with and in Him is between the two of them alone. </div>
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And he reminded me that He had given up His own Son just so He could do these things for <i>my</i> son.</div>
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So, no post about perfect parenting today, just an honest glimpse into how God shows up to comfort a heart that is doubtful, angry and hurting.</div>
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He is so good. All the time.</div>
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Even when I tell Him he isn't, he patiently waits for me to figure it out.</div>
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And then we start again on this Walk of Faith between a Sovereign God and a fickle, doubting faith-girl.</div>
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<br />seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-62142615363431896662012-02-07T10:50:00.000-06:002012-02-07T10:56:02.379-06:00Parenting BEYOND your capacity<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white;">"But he said to me, </span><span class="woj" style="background-color: white;">“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”</span></i><span style="background-color: white;"><i> Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."</i></span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2 Corinthians 12:9</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After school is my favorite time of day. I love it when the door flies open and the kids come in chatting about their day, showing me things and settling in after a hard day. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yesterday I had laid out several snack options on the counter for them to choose from. They got their snack, started homework and after-school activities, and I didn't get the other snack options put away as quickly as I normally would. I went into the kitchen later and discovered they were all gone. Both kids swore up, down and side-ways that they hadn't touched them. Since the dog can't open the packages by herself and the cat refuses anything that doesn't have the words "seafood feast" on it, I was pretty sure it had to be one of them. They both stubbornly refused to admit to taking the extra snacks. Finally, frustrated and truthfully, really disappointed that the guilty party would allow their sibling to get in trouble too, I gave the same punishment to both. Fair? I guess. It is a hard call to make when you know one is innocent, but the guilty party just won't back down.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This situation really got me to thinking how wearing parenting can be. All day long there are little choices, little decisions that we have to make. Teachable moments are all around and opportunities come along where you have to decide, show grace or teach that decisions have consequences. It is enough to have any parent running for the hills. You want to be the safe parent who they can turn to with any mistake or bad judgement call, but you also have to be the one that teaches discipline, humility, putting others first and self-control. When those things aren't shown, you become teacher, guide and disciplinarian. How do you decide which situation gets what response? Where is the hand-book??!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">While it might not be a handbook, I have found a book that really helps when it comes to those times you want to just throw your hands up and beg God to "take them back, PLEASE!"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This book is called "Parenting Beyond Your Capacity" by Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now, hear me out! It isn't another one of those books that makes you feel like a failure because you have missed a thousand opportunities, nor is it chocked full of statements that are designed to make you feel overwhelmed with all the things you need to start doing RIGHT NOW to win the heart of your child and grow a productive and valuable member of society. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This book actually tells you that you CAN NOT do it alone! You are not expected to be perfect, you weren't MADE to be a one-person, child-rearing genius, and that there IS a plan to help you get on track, to help you make some of those hard-call decisions.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Following are a few quotes from the book that really spoke to me. </span></div>
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<i><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Being a good parent is hard, and in the short term there is not a whole lot of glory attached to it. You can't coast through it. It is intentional. Anybody can have a child; being a good parent takes work and prayer."</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Thank you</i> for telling me I am not the only one that feels parenting is hard! So many people make it <i>look</i> so easy! Sometimes I wonder what it is that everyone else gets that I seem to be totally missing!</span></div>
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<i><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"I can promise that even for the most intentional parents, there will be nights when all you can do is fold your hands and cry, "God, help me!" I imagine God hears that and thinks, "I thought you'd never ask!" You will make plenty of mistakes, and that's okay. Mistakes are often opportunities to show your children not only your fragile humanity but also the way you respond to failure."</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What a great reminder that I am NOT alone in this. Not only that, but there is actually someone that knows my children better than I do, that has a plan for them, and that WANTS to be involved. It also reminded me that it is OK to not be the perfect parent, but that I need to admit it and rectify it, where my children can see, and often to them directly. I forget that simply my example to them is the teacher they learn from most, not the words I say.</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>"Too many of us buy into the myth that we need to become the right kind of parent before God can use us. In reality, God is longing to tell His story through our imperfections and brokenness....Rather than painting a picture of a perfect family, God wants to use family as a canvas for His redemptive story. He wants to use the family to show us what it means to have an authentic, everyday faith with a God who redeems and restores broken people."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sometimes as parents we forget that it really isn't about us. We forget that we have a role to play, that the story isn't <i>starring</i> us. It is all about God. Wow! Doesn't that take the pressure off?! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This thing of parenting isn't about "getting it right", it is about letting God be God in our lives, in our children's lives, and in the very middle of this crazy, messy, imperfect family. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sounds kinda like the verse from above, doesn't it?</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">More to come from this great book later, but I just had to let you know, if you are struggling with some of these same things, that not only are you not alone, you were <i>designed</i> to have amazing help through this thing we call parenting! </span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white;">"So do not fear, for </span><span style="background-color: white;">I am with you</span></i><span style="background-color: white;"><i>; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."</i></span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Isaiah<span style="background-color: white;"> 41:10</span></span></blockquote>seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-45990962136369378842012-01-29T20:51:00.002-06:002012-01-29T20:51:31.639-06:00Itchy Feet<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: blue;"><i>"...I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. </i></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: blue;"><i>I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation..."</i></span> Philippians 4:11-12</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have been sick for the past three weeks. I have had a good day here and there, but it is just one of those illnesses that begins and then keeps morphing into something new. Today I was in Prompt Care getting a shot to counter-act my allergic reaction to the medication they put me on last week. Yeah, </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">that</i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> is how my last three weeks have gone.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have always struggled with Itchy Feet. I have a list as long as my arm of places I want to visit. Places two hours away, two days drive away, and on the other side of the world. I would happily go to <i>any</i> of them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After sitting on my couch and laying on my bed for the last three weeks, the Itchy Feet has grown to <b>monster</b> <b>proportions</b>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Every time I think about all the thousand and one places I would rather be, I get a little whisper is the back of my head. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is telling me that wanting to be where I can't go is only making it worse. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"But I really don't want to be <i>here</i> anymore!" I whine to that voice, sometimes out loud. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But that voice is speaking truth. Wanting and wishing for what we do not have, or for where we can not go, leads to more than wanting and wishing. It can lead to discontentment. Discontentment can very quickly turn into bitterness. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have been thinking of all the things I would like to do. Things on my lists that keep getting pushed down further because of new responsibilities, new needs that come along. Every time I have to push something I <i>want</i> to do down on my list because of something that I <i>have</i> to do, I have learned that<u> I have a choice </u>to make.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The first thing I can <u>choose</u> to do is see the things I <i>want</i> falling further and further down my list. I can get mad, I can whine, I can make a fuss, and I can eventually become bitter about it. The more I <u>choose</u> this option, the bigger my loss will feel, because it is all I am looking at.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>OR</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can <u>choose</u> to realize that this is simply where I am right now. This location is where God has placed me to fulfill His plan in me. If God had something for me in Ireland, I would be there. If God thought that I needed a beach break, I would be on one. If God wanted me to focus my time, energy and talents on one of my "wish list" wants, then I would be doing it. And I am sure those things are in my future. Just not my future <i>tomorrow</i>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">God wants us to focus on <i>now</i>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On <b>where</b> he has us <i>now</i>. On the <b>skills, talents and works</b> that He has for us <i>now</i>. On<b> the people</b> He wants us to help <i>now</i>. On <b>the lessons</b> He is teaching us <i>now</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One thing God is teaching me right now is that until I get what He has for me <i>now</i>, I can't get to the places He wants me to be <i>next</i>. He is patient. He will not let me skip a step. How I choose to respond to where He has me now will determine how quickly I can move on. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Is there somewhere you want to go, or something that you want to do? Is focusing on that place or thing keeping you from seeing all God has for you <i>now</i>? Today might be the day that you need to spend time with God asking him to re-focus your effort and energy and desire. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Learning to be content in where you are now, doing what you do now will actually help you get where you are going next- faster. </span></div>seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-16993843955396017022012-01-25T00:06:00.000-06:002012-01-25T00:06:48.617-06:00Like a child<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white;">"Jesus called the children to him and said, </span><span class="woj" style="background-color: white;">“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.</span></i><span class="woj" style="background-color: white;"><i> I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” </i>Luke 18:16-17</span></span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I love to listen to my daughter talk about Jesus. You would think to hear her that He was walking along side of her, holding her hand and smiling as she shares her little girl secrets. She got angry one day because it was cloudy and Jesus couldn't see her from heaven when there were clouds in the sky. She knows that when she prays that Jesus is giving her his full attention. He is so real to her that he is her best friend.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My daughter embodies the above verses. Jesus is her hero. Her best friend. Her protector. Her secret keeper. There is nothing he can't do and she knows that he loves her. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When did we decide it was silly to love Jesus like that as adults?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is a song that I have been listening to over and over. It is reminding me of who Jesus was. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He was a man whose heart broke every time he looked at someone trapped in their choices, their situations, their pain... their hopelessness.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He was a man whose joy couldn't be measured as he looked at each person he freed from their traps and chains. Who saw him. Truly saw him.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He was a man who loved. He loved his friends. He loved his followers. He loved the blind man crying out in desperation, the widow with nothing but her faith in God and one little coin, sick children, outcasts and the weak.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Did he love? Oh how he loved!!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He was a man whose anger burned white-hot against those who dared to mock and defile his Father's house. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He was a man whose laughter rang as he spent time with friends.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He was a man whose strength we will never comprehend as he said yes to what no man could. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He was everything. He <i>is</i> everything.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My prayer for you is what I have prayed for myself. That we would come to know this man who is more than we will ever understand. That we would look at this man as a child might. Nothing qualified. No trying to rationalize things. Nothing politically correct or explained down to terms that make us more comfortable with who he <i>is</i>. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I pray that He would be our Super Hero. Our Best Friend. Our Secret Keeper. Our Savior. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And that we would never stop being amazed and awed at the true beauty of Him.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That is my prayer.</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
<i><span style="background-color: white;">"Who, being in very nature</span><span style="background-color: white;"> God, </span></i></div>
<i><span style="background-color: white;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, </div>
</span><span style="background-color: white;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
but made himself nothing, </div>
</span><span style="background-color: white;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
taking the very nature of a servant, </div>
</span><span style="background-color: white;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
being made in human likeness. </div>
</span><span style="background-color: white;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
And being found in appearance as a man, </div>
</span><span style="background-color: white;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
he humbled himself </div>
</span><span style="background-color: white;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
and became obedient to death— </div>
</span><span style="background-color: white;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
even death on a cross! </div>
</span><span style="background-color: white;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place </div>
</span><span style="background-color: white;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
and gave him the name that is above every name, </div>
</span><span style="background-color: white;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, </div>
</span><span style="background-color: white;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
in heaven and on earth and under the earth, </div>
</span><span style="background-color: white;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, </div>
</span><span style="background-color: white;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
to the glory of God the Father."</div>
</span></i><span style="background-color: white;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
Philippians 2:6-11</div>
</span></span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-84372547048917049242012-01-19T12:17:00.000-06:002012-01-19T13:01:22.879-06:00Getting Undignified<div class="tr_bq">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Have you ever had this conversation at church?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Raise your hands up high to ME".</i></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Uhhh.... no one else is. I think I will just close my eyes, will that be OK?"</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
<i><div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>"No, Raise your hands up high to ME".</i></div>
</i><div style="text-align: justify;">
"But God, that will be embarrassing. No one else is."</div>
</span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Or how about this one.</span></div>
<blockquote>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Go to the altar."</i></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"I can't. Everyone is watching."</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
<i><div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>"I want to meet you at the altar."</i></div>
</i><div style="text-align: justify;">
"But everyone will know I am not perfect if I walk up there. All by myself."</div>
<i><div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>"You won't be alone. I will be with you. Go to the altar. There is freedom there."</i></div>
</i><div style="text-align: justify;">
"Maybe next week God. I'll just pray here today."</div>
</span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A few weeks ago during worship music, the praise team started playing my very favorite song. It's one of those songs that seems to come from no where when I need to hear it most. When I am feeling disconnected from God. When I have had a hard week. When I am questioning something. When I have been hurt by someone. It is just my song. I never know when it will show up, and I always know, deep inside, that God sends that song to me so that I can refocus myself directly to His heart.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Whenever I sing that song, I raise my hands. At church. At conferences. At home. In the car. I just do. I can't help it. But this last time, I was in the front of the church. It was the early service where there really aren't any "hand-raisers". I knew if I raised my hands, up there in front of the church, that everyone would look at me because I was, most likely, going to be the only one doing so. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I didn't want to.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I didn't want everyone to look at me. I didn't want to stand out. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I almost didn't. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But God put a Scripture in my heart last year, that helps me in these times.</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: white;">David, wearing a linen ephod, danced before the LORD with all his might...</span><span style="background-color: white;"> David said to Michal, "It was before the LORD, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the LORD’s people Israel—I will celebrate before the LORD.</span></span></i><span style="background-color: white;"><i><span style="color: blue;"> I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes."</span></i> </span><span style="background-color: white;">2 Samuel 6:14, 21-22</span></span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I thought of David dancing in the streets, and the only one he acknowledged was God. It says he "danced before the LORD". There were hundreds, thousands, of people there to see the Ark brought home, and David didn't care. He danced with all his might, <i>to praise and worship God</i>. How must he have looked? To the people, probably a little crazy, a little embarrassing. But to God? He looked <i>beautiful</i>.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I did. I lifted my hands. I closed my eyes, lifted my hands, and felt a blessing that was mine alone. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Not everyone feels a call or need to raise their hands. It isn't a requirement of proper worship. There is no such thing as proper worship. Worship is focusing your heart, mind and body on God and then giving your all. If you do that, you are properly worshiping, in what ever form it may take.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The same is true for a call to the altar. Not everyone feels it. Certain words, or feelings are pressed on us by the Holy Spirit to lead us to a special time of humility before God. He doesn't call us to the altar to embarrass us before our friends. He doesn't call us there to 'teach us a lesson'. He calls us there to do special business with our heart, to heal or grow our relationship with Himself. When we refuse to go, when we let appearance hold us back, we miss a special worship time with him. There is something about kneeling before God, praying and doing business with him, that leads to a time of celebration that is unlike other times. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">By being too dignified to go, to kneel, to weep and praise, we miss it. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">David even tells us that we will feel a little silly. But he said he was willing to be "humiliated in my own eyes". That means we might get a little uncomfortable. Feel a little foolish. Feel, and look, a little undignified. <i>Do it anyway.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The next time you feel the need to praise a little differently than everyone else, or feel a pull to the altar and you don't want to go.... get a little undignified. Raise those hands high. Walk in humble obedience to kneel before your God. Dance with all your might. Get a little more undignified. There is nothing like celebrating before the Lord, for His glory alone. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<br />seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-29026943272791461732012-01-16T22:51:00.000-06:002012-01-18T12:53:03.298-06:00Beating a dead horse<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">"Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. </span><span style="background-color: white;">And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful." </span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2 Timothy 2:23-24</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">"Do everything without complaining or arguing, </span><span style="background-color: white;">so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe" </span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Philippians 2:14-15</span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are times and places to dig in your heels and refuse to budge. There are times when not letting go of something is exactly the right thing to do. Morally or ethically or spiritually. We should never compromise. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But other times? Well, have you ever heard of beating a dead horse?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Beating a dead horse: <span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;">To bring up an issue that has already been resolved. Any attempt to discuss said issue is pointless, as it has already been done repeatedly.</span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These are the conversations that we refuse to drop. Either with our spouse, with our kids, with our friends, or even with God. We call them "discussing", "revisiting", or "making our point". But Scripture says we are arguing. Being quarrelsome. Even complaining. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How do you know if you are "beating a dead horse"?</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here are some clues:</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">- No matter how you re-phrase or re-structure your argument, you are saying the same thing you said the last ten times you talked about this particular subject.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;"><i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Beating a dead horse</b>.</span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- You know that the person you are trying to have the discussion with has firmly refused to budge any of the other times you have talked about it. They know your position, your reasons and your desire, and they are still not budging. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><i><b>Beating a dead horse.</b></i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">- Nothing changes but you feel the need to push your idea <i>one more time</i> (either directly or indirectly).</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><i><b>Beating a dead horse.</b></i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">Besides bringing frustration and tension, beating a dead horse can also sow discord and bitterness if you are in disagreement with your spouse or your friend and you <i>just won't let it go</i>.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">It can bring feelings of rejection and inadequacy in your children.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">It can bring struggle and quiet to your communication with God.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">You may feel like you are completely justified in your position, and you may be right. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">But if you and your spouse are not in agreement and you just keep hammering your point, eventually your spouse will run for cover when they see you coming, or completely shut down. And lets face it, after a while, don't we know our spouse won't agree? We are just poking at them to satisfy our need to let out some frustration over not getting our way.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">Your friend might decide that it is better to have some space (away from you) instead of covering the same ground.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">Your kids might choose to disconnect and shut you out. After all, you care more about getting your way than actually <i>listening</i> to them.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">God will listen to your every word, every desire, and continue to lead you where He wants you to go. You can go with a willing heart- or kicking and screaming to get your way<i> every</i>. <i>single</i>. <i>step</i>. You will eventually end up where He wants you anyway, you will just do it the "learning your lesson" way (and really, who prefers <i>that</i>!?).</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">May I encourage you today to give over </span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;">to God </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;">your desire to be right? Let him resolve your heart to <i>what</i> <i>is</i>, not what you wish could be. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;">The best way to start is to ask yourself "Is getting my way really more important than my relationship with ___________________?"</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">Remember, as stated in our verse above, we are to shine like stars, and we can't do that if we are in the process of beating a dead horse.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, adobe-helvetica, 'Arial Narrow';"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, adobe-helvetica, 'Arial Narrow'; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-34658904594710216882012-01-12T00:39:00.001-06:002012-01-12T00:39:21.905-06:00Broken PrayerI'm so thirsty<br />
but there's water next to me.<br />
<br />
I hurt inside<br />
but tears won't help me mend.<br />
<br />
I'm lost in time<br />
with my schedule by my side.<br />
<br />
I'm oh so lonely<br />
but there are friends all around.<br />
<br />
Looking all around me<br />
When it's my neck I need to bend.<br />
<br />
Asking only to hear you<br />
I don't stop talking for you to speak.<br />
<br />
My broken heart is healing<br />
as your peace pours all around.<br />
<br />
Take me.<br />
<br />
Break me.<br />
<br />
Mold me.<br />
<br />
Fill me up again.<br />
<br />
Worship washes this heart clean.<br />
Your Word directs my thoughts.<br />
Your spirit guides my ways.<br />
All the good you've done in me<br />
started with an open upraised hand.<br />
<br />
Face to you, face on the ground.<br />
laying it down, spilling it out.<br />
<br />
Over and over.<br />
<br />
Overwhelmed by you,<br />
My forever Emmanuel.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-30758953153918778932012-01-09T14:38:00.000-06:002012-01-09T14:38:44.236-06:00Happy or joyful?<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><i>"They blessed the king and then went home, joyful and glad in heart for all the good things the LORD had done for his servant David and his people Israel."</i> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">1 Kings 8:66</span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">I have to confess. I was looking at clothes the other day. I was looking at clothing several sizes smaller than I am. I was wishing. I was making myself depressed. I wanted to go home and eat something comforting.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Why did I do that to myself? Why do <i>women</i> do that?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If I can stay in the moment, stay focused on the here and now, I am generally pretty happy. I can take things moment by moment and celebrate the little victories. But sometimes I look ahead at the way I wish things were. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was so happy just moments ago because I had a great workout today. Then I looked at myself in the mirror and reality hit. I have a long, long way to go.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Happiness crash 'n burn.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I love the above verse from 1 Kings. The Israelite were joyful and glad in heart for all the good things the LORD <i>had</i> done.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They weren't joyful over things that they were hoping for, striving for, looking to. They weren't looking for something better, or more.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They were joyful over the things that had already happened. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How often do we look forward and become dissatisfied, even disheartened, over what we wish could be?</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">By keeping our focus on what God has <i>already</i> done for us, we can claim the joy that God promises. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today I can choose to thank God for walking with me through a good workout. For giving me the energy and health to do it, and to feel better afterward. Or I can choose to focus on the way I wish I was. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think today I will choose to be glad in heart over what God <i>just did</i> for me.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>One other thing to ponder</u>: <i>Joy</i> is from the LORD. No conditions. We don't have to earn it or seek it. It is in our heart because of the love we have for Jesus. <i>Happiness</i> is a fleeting thing that we chase to make us feel better. Happiness comes from the world. Joy from God. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As I did today, stop and ask yourself, am I seeking happiness for myself, or am I basking in the joy of what God has already done in my life? </span></span></div>seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-32246962436355641672012-01-06T18:30:00.000-06:002012-01-06T18:30:02.328-06:00From reacting to responding<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My quest to follow after Jesus more closely is starting off on a very difficult foot. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">What a surprise, huh? </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">As I have written in the past, my son is amazing. He is sweet. He is a hugger. He is so fun to watch play basketball and football. He is an unbeatable big brother. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And he knows how to push my buttons like no other. And he loves to do it. I just don't get it. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">OK, well I sorta do. It is fun to push buttons when you get such fun reactions. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I have been known to do any and/or all of the following at some point over the past 12 years:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Yell</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Scream</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Slam doors</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Make empty threats</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Cry</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Give up</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Back down</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My son has even told me in the past that he intentionally will keep pushing at me until I over-react. Yes, my sweet and loving son likes, no loves, to push my buttons. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And I let him.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It would be so much better if I could say that he makes me over-react. But that simply wouldn't be true. I can absolutely choose to stay calm, to not react, to not give in. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">But generally I don't. Instead of responding, I react.</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">patience</span></i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><i>."</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Colossians 3:12</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">There is no excuse for not responding with patience and gentleness. With goodness and self-control. I already have these things. These are things that God knew I would need and he supplied them to me when I accepted Jesus as my savior. But God didn't make these things my default. I have to choose them. I have to actively reach for them, use them, and grow them. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">"</span></i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><i>gentleness and self-control."</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Galatians 5:22-23</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The fruit is there, but I am not choosing it.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am really starting to see that I am damaging my son's view of God's ability to change a person. Maybe he doesn't get it yet, maybe he will see that his mom is just a really flawed human being that makes bad choices. But maybe he sees that God doesn't really change people and can't help with struggles. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Maybe my son prayed that he would receive an encouragement or special word from God, and God had chosen me to serve as the answer to that prayer. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">But without using the power of the Holy Spirit inside me, of stopping and thinking and responding instead of reacting, my son didn't receive that encouragement or special word. At least not from me.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">How sad that makes my heart. After I over-react, there is always guilt, always doubt in my abilities, always regret. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It is time to make a change.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">If you saw <a href="http://focused-on-the-center.blogspot.com/2012/01/resolution.html">my New Year's post</a>, you know I am not into making specific resolutions. But this year I am committing to follow Jesus more closely than ever before. This has to start in my home. It has to start with me and the testimony that I want to live out in front of my son and daughter.</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">"Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness</span></i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><i> and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us."</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Titus 2:6-8</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The amazing thing about the Bible is that there really is something for everything. It isn't hype. It isn't hard to find. God isn't the impossible task-master. By asking for his help, he is quick and faithful to help. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">When I asked God to help me in changing how I react to my son, I found this in under a minute:</span></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><span style="font-size: 16px;">"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,</span><span style="font-size: 16px;"> for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.</span></i><span style="font-size: 16px;"><i> Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.</i></span></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">James 1:19-21</span></span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">A swift kick in the backside, as well as an encouragement and instruction. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So, over the year, as I commit to following Jesus, the fruit will be a better testimony lived out in front of my son. And this is just the beginning. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Will it be easy? No. Will I get it right every time? No. But I will be striving and stepping in the right direction. And that is what this year, and following Jesus, are all about.</span></div>seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-71683892880714300972012-01-04T22:49:00.001-06:002012-01-04T23:04:53.368-06:00In a Minute<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."</i> Psalm 5:3</blockquote>
As a parent, I am constantly saying "in a minute!"<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Mom come here!"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"In a minute!"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Mommy, look at this!" </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"In a minute!"</div>
<br />
"Mom, can I"....<br />
<br />
"Mom, may I"....<br />
<br />
"Mom, listen"....<br />
<br />
"IN A MINUTE!"<br />
<br />
With the constant demands of kids, I get in the habit of having them wait until I have completed one thing (usually at least a thought!) before I move on to their next need. If there isn't blood, a stranger or broken bones involved, I want them to learn to wait their turn, be polite, and have respect for other people. I forget sometimes that they just need to know that I am there for them. That I am willing to put them first, get eye-to-eye with them and say "Yes, baby? What is it?"<br />
<br />
But lately, I feel like I have said "wait a minute" a lot. I said it the other day and my daughter just growled "uuuuugh!" and stomped off. It made me wonder what amazing four-year-old girl insight I had missed. And just how many times I had asked her to wait that day.<br />
<br />
I didn't even know.<br />
<br />
As the week wore on, I kept thinking about this. As usually happens, eventually I managed to apply it to myself.<br />
<br />
When was the last time I called out to God and heard, "In a minute!"?<br />
<br />
As we see in the verse above, God hears us. Not "in a minute". No "hold on while I finish this up." But as soon as we give voice to our prayer, God hears us.<br />
<br />
It's as if he drops everything, leans down close to us, face-to-face, and says "Yes Baby? What is it?"<br />
<br />
Our prayers are so important to God. He drops everything to hear them. In his amazing ability, he does this for every one of us, whenever we call to him. No matter how many times or ways we pray, he is always there to hear.<br />
<br />
When was the last time you really prayed as if you believed this? When was the last time you waited in expectation for God?<br />
<br />
I have to say, the idea of expecting God to actually <i>act</i> on my prayer sometimes doesn't really enter the picture. I pray, I feel like God knows my thoughts and hopes, and then I just go on about my day. I don't ever <i>expect</i> to see God's answer. Have you been there before, too? Are you there now?<br />
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Be encouraged to expect God today. He is waiting to hear from you, and your prayers are <i>never</i> in vain. Expect those God-sized answers. Expect to see something amazing. Expect to see a miracle. But never expect to hear "Wait a minute!".<br />
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It just will never happen.<br />
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<br />seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-48321139657719630852012-01-01T22:50:00.000-06:002012-01-01T22:50:13.062-06:00ResolutionResolution:<br />
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<ul>
<li>A resolve or determination; to make a
firm resolution to do something</li>
<li>The act of resolving or determining
upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.</li>
<li>The mental state or quality of being
resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose</li>
</ul>
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<i>Hello January 1st! What a great day to dictate my hopes, dreams, actions and directions for the next year! I am determining on this day to only eat healthy things, only do healthy things, have only good attitudes and love EVERYONE!</i></div>
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And now, back to reality.</div>
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It is easy to be resolute in these things when we are excited about the possibilities of a new year. When life hasn't yet had a chance to put to the test our "resolving or determining upon an action or course of action". </div>
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We know that we will really do it this time. </div>
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We are strong!</div>
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We are committed!</div>
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We are fooling ourselves!!</div>
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The biggest problem with New Year's Resolutions are that they are utterly specific and completely unattainable! I resolved to quit smoking year after year... and never made it far. I resolved to only eat portion sizes and cut out extra sugar, until that first box of donuts crossed my path. I resolved to get my emotions under control, until my kid pushed all the buttons that only my kid can push (and will do so gleefully!).</div>
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Our heart is in the right place. Our desire is in the right place. But we forget about life. And we forget we aren't perfect. </div>
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So we fail. We let ourselves down. Resolution gone. </div>
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It isn't that we aren't trying, resolutions are just not life-proof.</div>
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Paul says it like this:</div>
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"I do not understand what I do. For what
I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I
do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no
longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that
nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have
the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I
do is not the good I want to do; no the evil I do not want to do-
this I keep on doing. Now, if I do what I do not want to do, it is
no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." Romans 7:15-20</blockquote>
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Basically, Paul is saying no matter how good we want to be, try to be, strive to be, we are not perfect people. We will never be perfect people. We all struggle with sin, so we will all fall or fail at one time or another.</div>
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But don't be discouraged! There is Hope!</div>
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One aspect of resolutions is attainable. If you noticed, the last definition is "firmness of purpose". </div>
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Resolutions can and will succeed if they are based on our firmness of purpose. Not definite material or physical goals.</div>
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At the end of 2012, will you be able to look back and say, I never swayed from the main purpose of this year. I tried my best to love others more than myself, I tried to be healthier than I was last year. I tried to keep control of my tongue and my attitude when I usually would have let loose with every weapon in my arsenal? Those are kept resolutions.</div>
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I have defined my "firmness of purpose" for 2012 like this:</div>
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<i>I will love Jesus this year more than I have ever loved him before. I will be more intentional about it. I will work harder at it. And I will let the fruit of that love show in the ways that God has planned for me to the best of my ability and obedience. And I will praise God even when I can't find the good in my current situation, because the good is there because God is there.</i></div>
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I didn't promise myself to lose 70 pounds. </div>
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I didn't promise to never lose my temper with my kids again.</div>
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I didn't promise to have all my debt paid off in six months.</div>
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I promised to love Jesus and let him work through me. That is a resolution that I will keep.</div>
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<br /></div>seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4005113832656575892.post-80994399661813668912011-12-31T00:12:00.000-06:002011-12-31T00:12:23.395-06:00Struggle<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
haven't wanted to talk about this... telling you what one of
my biggest struggles is.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Every
time I try, all I can think is, this is stupid, it's vain, and
shallow and in the face of other struggles, it is so insignificant as
to be laughable. But in talking to a friend, I realized, I needed to
share this because so many women struggle with weight issues, and
pretend they don't because they feel like it isn't a valid thing to
struggle with. </span></span>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">But
the truth is, anything that you are struggling with is something that
is keeping you from growing closer to God, as that <i>this</i> is the
struggle that he is going to use to show himself to you in a new way.
So, I decided to talk about my weight struggles with you.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">If
you have ever, or if you are are struggling with your weight, you
know, you KNOW that it really isn't about your weight at all. </span></span>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">One
of the reasons I hate that I struggle with my weight is because it is
a very visible sign that I have some issues with being obedient to
God. I can't hide it. Every time I look in the mirror I see it. So,
for the past year or two, after I dress for the day and look in the
mirror to make sure my outfit is OK, I don't look in the mirror
again. I make a point not to. I don't want to see myself. I don't
want to see that I have something that isn't right with me, and... to
be honest, I don't want to see myself looking this way. There are
many days where I just wear some yoga pants or sweats and a baggy tee
and don't even bother to look in the mirror at all.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Now,
let me clarify something. I LOVE Jesus. There are not enough words or
ways for me to tell you how much I love him. He picked me up out of
the mess I had made of my life seven years ago, and I truly want to
live my life for him in every way. That is one of the things that is
so painful about this. I trust that God can do amazing things in
every area of my life. But this one. For some reason, I just can't
get myself to believe the truth that I know. </span></span>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">There
are some amazing Scriptures regarding my struggle with weight.</span></span></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">1
Cor 10:23 says: <span style="color: black;">“</span><span style="color: black;">Everything
is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything
is permissible”—but not everything is constructive.”</span></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">1
Cor 6:19 says “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the
Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are
not your own.”</span></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Hebrews
4:15-16 says “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to
sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted
in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then
approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive
mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”</span></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">and
there are many, many more. when I am really on my game, and trying
really hard, and even seeing some progress, these Scriptures
encourage me and keep me going. </span></span></span>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">The
thing is, I am not always on my game. In my down times, in the times
that I am really struggling they don't just convict me, they make me
feel guilty and defeated, and ashamed. (By the way, those are NOT
thoughts from God. Only Satan deals in guilt, defeat and shame. But I
listen anyway.) My body is supposed to be a temple and look at
it...Jesus was tempted in every way and didn't sin, but I can't
figure this one thing out.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
have avoided situations and people because of it. I have “fat
friend” syndrome. I feel like the fat friend so I therefore think
that my friends think that too. I asked one of my friends once if
this was the case. She said no, of course not, that I was being
ridiculous. But I still feel that way some days. I have to tell
myself that that isn't true. That my friends don't think like that.
And come on, if they did, what kind of friend would they be, really?
My friends are better than that, and my struggle is leading me to do
a huge disservice to them.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
truly live in the truth of Philippians 4:8-9 “Finally, brothers,
whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is
pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is
excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you
have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it
into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” and also
Philippians 4:13 “I can do everything through him who gives me
strength.” </span></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">I
struggled in a different area four years ago, and these verses were a
lifeline to me. There were days where I walked around saying
“Whatever is true, whatever is true” over and over. And I won
that battle. But I have only recently begun to apply the truths of
these Scriptures to this struggle. For some reason that I don't
understand, I wasn't applying the truths that I </span><span style="color: black;"><i>know
and believe</i></span><span style="color: black;">....
to my eating.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Just
like with the way I projected my struggle onto my friends, I need to
start projecting Jesus onto my struggle. </span></span></span>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
recently read a book that catagorized eating struggles and I really
feel like I fit into one of the categorizes. </span></span></span>
</div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
am an “unconvicted eater”. I hate the struggle, hate how I feel
and look, and hate that I am not being obedient to God, but for some
reason, I am unconvicted before I start eating those cookies. Or
chips. Or extra helping. Or two. </span></span></span>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">It
is only afterward that the conviction comes. And shame. And the
negative things I say to myself.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And
it is a bad cycle that continues to spin. I eat when I am bored. When
I am depressed and when I am insecure. Food is my security blanket in
these areas. </span></span></span>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">As
you can see, I am still struggling. But I have some hope for this
situation that I didn't before. I have some idea of what my struggle
truly is, and am even trying to apply Scriptural truth to it. One of
my biggest needs in this right now is accountability. I don't have it
with another sister in Christ right now and that is a huge thing. It
is easy to ignore God's nudging of the spirit, it is much harder to
ignore someone standing right in front of you holding you
accountable. So that is the next step on my journey. </span></span></span>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">This
isn't one of those amazing ending testimonies. I guess I just brought
you in on the ground floor of my amazing testimony in the making. But
I think more than that, God wanted me to share that if you are
struggling with this, then you are not alone. Yes, I am struggling
with it too, but more importantly, no matter how many times you fail
at a diet or exercise program, see the numbers on the scale stay the
same, or even go up, God is right there. He wants us to remember that
we can do ALL things through him who gives us strength, and that
includes starting over. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">God's plans for us are good, and he does have
a plan for me through this. And he has a plan for you, too. And </span><span style="color: black;"><i>that</i></span><span style="color: black;">
is a thought that lovely, praiseworthy, and true.</span></span></span></div>
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</div>seesawfaithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15628579292591370761noreply@blogger.com0