Blessings and Curses

My dear, sweet son is pretty klutzy. He gets it honestly. I lived at the ER as a kid, always falling and damaging something, usually my head. That may explain some things about me. Anyway!

Kevin was bored Memorial Day afternoon so went outside to play on his swing set in the back yard. It is one of those wooden playhouses with the sand box underneath and a slide and a swingset off to the side. Well, he had been out playing for awhile, then he came in crying. He said he hurt his arm. I, being the gentle and loving Mom that I am, couldn't see any sign of injury so grabbed his arm and shook it a little while saying, "Just shake it off". He started crying, close to screaming. Ok, that wasn't the right response. We put it on ice but after about two hours it was still not going to be moved so we headed to Promptcare. After about an hour and a few x-rays later we were told he had a slight fracture in his elbow and that he needed to see an orthopedist.

We are headed there this afernoon. I have a feeling he is going to be in a sling or some such thing for awhile. I am hoping he won't have to have a full fledged cast but we will see.

My thing is, this looks like such a curse to his summer. He loves playing baseball and is really good at it, he has shown huge improvment every year, and this year already he has hit a nice consistancy in his hitting. He is playing third base which he really likes. I hate that he may have to sit out playing the whole season. (little league for the South Fork league lasts until the first of July). He also during the summer goes to day camp out at manner's park. He absolutely loves it. The whole afternoon the are at the pool and he spends most of his time diving off the two lower boards and jumping off the high dive. Each week at the camp is themed and they learn about different things. He will be limited in what he gets to do, although I have heard you can get a water cast now that you can use to go swimming. I doubt seriously he would get to dive off the boards though, and that, to him, is what the pool is all about. Finally, we were going to start taking him to six flags and the water park there, as well as a couple trips to knight's action park. All things that will be hard to do if he is in a cast.

So, my thinking is this. It all looks like a curse, that his summer is going to look pretty boring and restricted if he has to have a cast. But what if this is a blessing to us? What if this gives us the time to slow down and really get to know each other this summer? He is growing up so terribly fast. I already feel like he is a little stranger sometimes. Bob gets him, he is always saying things like " It's just being a boy" or "I did stuff just like that as a kid". But I don't get it and I never did that stuff so I feel like he is growing away from me, and maybe this is my chance to get re-connected with him before the pre-teen years hit.

We have been so busy with work, and ministry and everything else under the sun that we spend more time running the kids from sitter to sitter and less time cuddling on the couch and playing together outside.

I have recently really been listening to what I think God is trying to tell me, andhe is trying to get it through my head that he has already given me ministries and priorites in my life. I am trying to find more so that I feel like I am serving him and his people. I tend to forget that my first two ministries live in my home. My husband and my children. God has given Kevin and Abby to us to teach them, and raise them and develop them. It is our job to "be Jesus" to them, and to show them God every second of the day. I have read (several places) that a child's father is the image of God that children have. I tend to think it applies, in some part, to mothers as well. We are the ones that teach them what love is supposed to look like and feel like and act like. If we don't get it right, or do our very best to get it right, what view will they have? Do I want Kevin and Abby to grow up thinking that God is the type of person that shoves his kid to the side to go hang out with other people's kids? No. Growing up, kids need to KNOW that they have someone on their side, someone that loves them more than anyone else on the planet. Someone who will be there no matter what, do anything and love them no matter what. That is our job. I have been letting too many people "parent" my kids. God has given that responsibility to me and to Bob, not his parents, my parents, or any of our friends. They may love them, but God gave them to US to raise.

So, curses can be blessings and blessings can feel like curses. It is all in the way you look at them and if you allow God to reveal himself. I don't know what we will find out at the doctor today. Maybe he will say kevin will be as good as new in a week or so. That would be great! I just look at the whole situation as a blessing. I got to look into the future a little bit, and I have the option of changing tracks and being a better parent instead of continuing down the road we have been on. What a fool I would be to not take that new road.

Frustrated

I have to say I was a big 'ol self centered girl for Mother's Day. I pouted just like the finest of three year olds. I know I was being selfish and I still did it anyway. Sometimes I just wish that my husband found doing things for me as important and fulfilling as doing things for anyone else.
I have been studying Proverbs 31 and apparently I need to be studying the fruits of the spirit because all I can think is "I wish that there was a Proverbs 32 for men, that way THEY could see what they are supposed to be and do too".

Ever since I have been going to church I hear how I am supposed to be meek and mild and let my husband lead me and still be an asset to him and to offer my ideas and to do all these wonderful things that even just saying them depresses me because I am mainly NOT those things. So for the last two years I have really been struggling to change a lot about myself. I have made some huge progress. Others can see how I am trying. I know I will never be perfect but I really want to be a good wife to Bob so I try my best. I just still have things that I struggle with. Sometimes they are pretty bad struggles. I would almost call them battles. I can call a ceasefire for awhile but then they start up again.

How easy would life be if I actually trusted God to work in my instead of constantly trying to work on myself.

*sigh*.

Spring in Illinois

I LOVE WEATHER! Ok, that probably sounds crazy but I love storms and high winds and the possiblity of seeing a tornado. I have been in two and neither time I got to SEE it. I have to admit...it is TOTALLY different when you have kids. I know there is nothing I can do about the weather and I trust God, but I still worry about my kids when the weather is bad.

This morning was GREAT! There was high winds, hail, rain, thunder and tornado sirens blaring. I kept looking out of the window but since I was at work and there was a client here, I couldn't stay by the window to watch. *sigh* Nothing major happened here, which is a blessing, but still, it would have been fun to see one.

Bob and I used to go to the lake and watch the lightening when it stormed, but now with the kids, it is too much of a hassle and Kevin isn't really fond (to put it lightly) of storms.

I tend to think how amazing God is to create such things. How he not only made all the elements of a storm, but he dictated what the results of every combination of those elements would be. I know it is an amazing demonstration of his power, and knowing it is only the smallest demonstration of what he can do is even more amazing, but I also think it is a wonderful example of his creativity and joy.

There is the possiblity of more storms for the rest of the day, so I plan on sitting at my desk and watching them. while I work of course.

Nothin' Excitin'...Sorry Folks

Not much exciting has happened the last few days. I think I am really really thankful for that! It seemed like we were in this cycle of super busy, always running never just BEING. Over the past few weeks we have made a consious effort to spend time at home, getting housework caught up, spending time with the kids, doing a few home improvement things. I am so much happier! I try and try to be a goer and doer but I am really a home-body. I like to nest in my little space in this world and come out occasionally to meet with friends and to do something for someone else. I am sure that sounds pretty boring but it is what makes me happy!

We have almost gotten the living room painted. For those of you that don't know, it was chocolate brown. I loved it when we painted it, but it got darker and darker 'til I felt like I was in a cave all the time. We have now painted it a very sunny, muted yellow. It is so pretty and so warm and inviting. It has opened up the room and made it feel so much more inviting. I LOVE it! We have picked out a really pretty vanilla cream color for our bedroom (currently moss green). I have a dusty teal blue comforter set all ready to go. It has cream, gold and brown circles all over it. My friend April and I are getting ready to do a surprise room makeover for my hubby. I will post pictures when we get it done.

Kevin has started baseball practice. Once again, he is practically twice the size of all the other kids. *sigh* I know I need to just get used to it. Anyway, he is really excited about playing and I can't wait to see him. He made so many improvements last year. And, now that I have the new camera, I am all ready to be the proud mom!

Abby has some kind of sinus/allergy thing going. I feel so horrible! I think she is going to have my crappy immune system. I pray not! She doesn't act sick, just wanting some extra cuddles. Man, it's a rough job. :) She is starting to cruise the furniture. I am so proud of my girl but I wish she wouldn't hurry through all this stuff. I know how fast time flies and she isn't making it any easier!

Bob and I are doing pretty well. We have had some good conversations and we are working our way to working on a budget, but neither of us wants to. We know there will be lots of bill left at the end of the paychecks. We are just going to have to buckle down more. I have already cut back on the extra youth group stuff. It doesn't seem like much but if you sit down and look at everything we do in a month, it really adds up!

Well, that's about it for now. I will get pictures of the living room and bedroom posted as soon as they are done.

Pride = Expectation

While organizing pictures for scrapbooking I have noticed that I am quite prideful...not of myself, but of my sweet little kiddos.

I always assumed that Proverbs 16:18: Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall, was talking about pride in yourself. Well, God has given me a little AH-HA! moment today.

I tend to be very proud of Kevin when he is "performing" well. Good grades, great behavior, dedication to sports. What I haven't seen is that I tend to let my pride dictate what my expectations for him are. I notice that the more compliments I receive about him, the more I expect from him, so I can hear how great he is. I KNOW how great he is, even on his not very great days. So why is it that I only tend to believe it when others tell me...and why do I want so much to hear it?

Now I am noticing that I am putting the same expectations on Abby. How big my pride has become in them!

How could I possibly take pride in something I have nothing to do with? Why is my first response not to give God the glory for their personalities and skills?

I AM proud of my kids...but I need to back away from taking pride in them.

I am glad that I was at a place today where God could show me something in myself that needs correcting by something as simple as starting to scrapbook my kids pictures.

Christmas trees in April

So, my Christmas decorations have slowly spilled out of our storage room in the basement and are now threatening to take over my son's room (right next to said storage room). I have totes and totes of Christmas tree decorations, knick knacks, towels, blankets, pillows, village, Christmas tree, and verious and assorted other what nots that have slowly pushed my husband right to the edge. My question is, how do you decide what to keep and what to give away or pitch, and then, how to you store it so that it doesn't take up half your house?

Moving a mountain with a teaspoon

Have you ever had a task in front of you that felt so huge that it felt like you were going to try to move a mountain with a teaspoon? That's what my scrapbooking feels like. I love doing it, I have tons of supplies to do it. I just have so much that I want to get done that it has felt impossible to find a place to start.

I spent six hours today getting started on that mountain. My good friend April has gently nudged me along the last few months to get my stuff out of storage and to start figuring out what I need to do to get going again. Today we sat and scrapbooked and talked sometimes and sometimes just worked in the blessed silence of no kids, no husbands, no job and no expectation. I have to say I loved it. I got some pages done and have a much better idea of what to do next, so I have to say thank you to April for grabbing a teaspoon, handing it to me, and cheering me on as I got to work.

After all that accomplishment, I came home and decided to get all my paper clutter organized. It wasn't as bad as I thought and a few hours later I am ready to sit down with my loving Hubby and figure out a budget. THAT task will deserve a blog all its own!

Just A Day

I love those days that are just good. Nothing special, nothing exciting, just a day. Today I got Kevin up and out the door for school with a minimum of yelling and crying and foot-dragging (he was pretty well behaved too!). Then Abby and I sat on the couch and cuddled during Regis and Kelly. We stopped by the Kids Closet on the way to Springfield and picked up a couple of new toys to play with and then met April for lunch. We went to the grocery store to get stuff to cook tonight and then went home and cuddled on the couch some more. Now she is napping and I am looking out the window, relaxing on the bed. See, nothing special, nothing exciting. But what a lot you can learn on a day like this.

I learned that you can make a wonderful connection just sitting on the couch staring at your daughter and watching all the amazing faces and sounds she makes. I learned that she is excited over any opportunity to learn something new, and when did I lose that quality about myself? I learned that sitting with a friend over a yummy pizza can be the rest that you didn't know you needed. I learned that shopping for something that you know isn't for you is much more fun than buying for yourself.

I have been talking to God most of the day about my small group tonight. I pray for my girls and hope that I can make some kind of positive impact on them in the short time I have them. I pray I don't miss any opportunity God gives me. I look at them and pray that someone will come alongside Abby and love her as much as I do them.

Like I said, Just a day. But it's been a good day.

Ups & Downs

Ok, so I was really "up" getting ready for Hearts at Home. Two days away with the ladies from the church, getting to know each other and maybe getting some ideas on organizing and such. The focus of the conference was perspective. Do we live our lives for the here and now, or will what we do matter 15 years from now. There were lots of ups and downs during the conference. I would be really excited about some things, others would make me really regretful of what I haven't done, or done wrong. Thank goodness for the grace of God! Anyway, I get home, once again "up" ready to work on getting my house in order and determined to get some kind of schedule going so I don't feel so scattered.

Well, the first week hasn't gone well. I am definately in a "down" swing right now. They are always hard after such a great "up" time. I have learned I put too much pressue on myself to be all things to all people, usually putting what God wants last. I say yes way too much to the point that I am not as effective as I could be by limiting myself. It is hard to learn what to step back from and what to hold on to. So I am baby-stepping my way out of some commitments and letting up on myself on some of the superwoman expectations. "overwhelmed" has been the keyword for me lately, and I am working on changing that. I have had several friends step up in the past few weeks and really support me by holding me accountable and just by being a shoulder.

Hopefully my ups and downs will level out soon. I know that the faith I am working on during this will strengthen me and pull me closer to God, no matter how long it takes. See what happens when you pray for more patience and joy? God quickly gives you opportunities and situations to develop them yourself.

First Time Out

Ok, this is just a little howdy as I learn how to use the features. I plan to be here and blog as much as I can, but I seem to have a followthrough issue. I hardly ever do. There is nothing more sad then a blog that hasn't been updated and everyone has been left wondering...so what happened?

Right now I am getting ready to head to Hearts at Home. It is the most amazing conference, my son calls it mommy school. I can't even begin to describe how much I need this time away. I have been trying to deal with PPD for the past several months and I have signed up for workshops on time management, growing closer to God and how to remember and build on the reasons I love my family!

Ok, so the first blog is done; short but sweet. Let's hope my next entry isn't next fall!