The Perfect Gift

I love giving gifts. I try my best to pay attention to what people say, what they are interested in, and what they enjoy so that I can give them a gift that will be meaningful and fit them well.

As we go into the Christmas season, I have been paying extra attention to a few of my friends and family. I want to make sure I get them something that they know I put thought, time and energy into. I want them to know that they mean something to me. I want them to know they matter.

I was just sitting here thinking, "If Jesus was sitting right in front of me, what would he want to find when he opened his present? What is important to him? What would he want as a symbol of my relationship with him?"

It was really sad how quickly he answered.

"More time with you."

I have been so busy serving and working and living, that I forgot (and truthfully, haven't made the effort) to simply be with him.  He is my best friend and I have neglected him shamefully.  I am so thankful that he is not a fickle human. I would have lost my best friend a long time ago because of the way I have ignored him and prioritized many other things ahead of him.

So how do I give him more time? I think that a great way to do that is to do what he did, and love what he loved. What did he do and what did he love?

Scripture.

He poured over it, memorizing it, learning it, teaching it. He used it to dictate his actions, his attitudes and his faith. He used it as a weapon.

How better to spend time with Jesus and get to know him better then to share an activity with him that he loves? I have made excuses and had reasons why I haven't been spending time studying my Scriptures for my own knowledge and benefit, but none of that really matters.  What matters is that I need to do it and I haven't.

So, I am giving Jesus what he asked for for Christmas. Time with me together in the Word. After all, there is nothing wrong with all the fun and participating in the traditions we have for Christmas. But it is, ultimately, Jesus' birthday. The most important gift should be for Him alone.

I love it when I find the perfect gift!

Here I go/ There I go

I think I just passed myself walking down the hall.

Have you ever felt like that?  There is the Mom-me, Wife-me, Employee-me, Home CEO-me, Ministry worker-me, Trying to do some type of Bible study-me, Friend-me; Can I just say all of us are a little tired?

I miss blogging so much! I love to just open my computer, pull up a blank screen and see what I get. Sometimes it makes no sense and I just delete it once I get it all out. Other times I feel like God really had something great for me to share, so I stick it on here. And sometimes, I just like to ramble, have fun, or post a song or video that I am loving at the moment. It's my brain dump.

Well, I haven't gotten to visit the blank-page therapy room lately.  Between work, being a mom and wife and trying to be better about spending time in the Word (still not consistant on that one), and trying to be a friend, I have been feeling spread a little thin. Oh, and did I mention I am apparently trying to single-handedly lead half the ministries in my church (not really, but some days it feels that way!)

About a year ago, I really felt pulled to start a First Place group at my church. I didn't want to lead it alone (it looked really intense work-wise) so I thought I would join one and go through a session before bringing it to my home church. Well, it fell through and I didn't get to go, but I did find out one of my friends in my church had felt led to start a First Place group as well. So, starting about three months ago, we began the process of developing this ministry for the women in our church. We are scheduled to begin in January 2010.  This has been hard for me. I get an idea, flesh it out, and then am ready to implement it and move on quickly. All this planning and such has been driving me crazy...but I am pretty sure God is using this to refine me and teach me patience and the blessing of being prepared.

Then, about 6 weeks ago, our youth pastor announced he was leaving the church. Bob and I have been the only other adults that have served faithfully for the last 3 years, so the leadership of the youth group just sort of transfered to us.  We have spent the last weeks getting speakers, setting curriculum, planning activities and starting the process for camp in the summer. We also lead small groups for Sunday school, so we study for that, as well as making sure that we have people lined up and prepared to use our curriculum for Wednesday night youth group. Adminstrating a youth ministry is a full time job. I am driving to the church on my lunch hour. I am not complaining. Just stating what my day is like.

Finally, I am a full time volunteer in our women's ministry. Because of the other things going right now, I don't have time to serve as I feel called to serve, but I know God is patient and preparing the way for me to step into that role later, when staff is in place in our church. I know I will be leading a women's Sunday morning Bible study group, but not right now. I really enjoy planning and executing events for the women in our church, and love knowing that women will have a chance to get to know Jesus just a little (or a lot) better through our ministry.

Bob and I have made a priority of spending a night together every week, so we signed up for ballroom dance classes with some friends of ours. We just finished our first session and have a break until January. It is so much fun and it is a dedicated "us" night every week.

I have also been horribly neglecting my own personal growth through Scripture. I have spent all my time studying to be prepared to lead/teach, and not spending any time growing myself. I have signed up for a Beth Moore Bible study to begin in December and run through until January. It is good to study the Bible in order to help someone else grow, we should all do it, but not at the cost of allowing God time to communicate with us in our own intimate relationship with Him.

Abby is in full-on crazy 2's. She isn't terrible, just uh.... fickle. I have never been so entertained or enraptured with the wonder of life as I am when I am with her and I get to try to see the world through her 2 year old eyes.

Kevin is going through a rough period now as well. With so much change and unpredictable-ness around him, he has really been struggling. We are dedicating more time to helping him with and through all that is going on around him. At the age of 10, boys are in a sticky spot. They are feeling more of the protector, fix-it, handle-it drive of man-hood, but still struggling with the knowledge that there isn't alot in their power that they can do about it. It is horrible frustrating for him. I am starting to get a glimpse of some of the things we will deal with as he is a tween, things I had no idea would be coming. I have to admit I feel a little like a duck-out-of-water with him. I just don't GET most of it. I want to, it just isn't something that makes sense to me. Thank God for my dear sweet husband, who I know will lead him well through this time.

We also are trying to have friends! In all the busy-ness of life, the blessing of friends often gets shoved to second, third, or even further down the priorty list. We are making an effort to pour into those we love, and those we want to know better.

Finally, the holidays are here!!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas. It is my favorite season of all, and I try to soak up every drop of it before the new year gets here. I have moments of sadness. This was my mom's favorite time of year as well, and we shared so much every year. It is the time I miss her most, especially now that we have Abby, whom she never got to see.

As if that all isn't enough, I still have things that I am struggling to get through, things that I refuse to let go of, and things that God has firmly stamped "wait and see". All of these things adds up to blogging on the back burner. I wish it wasn't what I have to do, but it is. For this season. I am praying that it is a SHORT season. I pray with 100% confidence that our church will have an amazing pastor placed there soon, and that he will put into place amazing staff that will love and serve our community with a heart, hands and feet of Jesus.

I have titled this season of my life "Here I go/There I go" for obvious reasons. The easy thing about it is, I am at peace knowing it is just a season.  I have faith that God will bless all the calendar checking, life balancing and saying no to things that I really want to do. I have faith that this is a very short time in the span of God's plan, and if the Isrealites made it through 40 years in the desert, I should handle this season with grace and trust.

I am not doing too bad, either.

Most days.

;)

Can't Get Away

No matter how I pull and stumble; get lost and run away...I can't get away.

No matter how dark it is, even when I can see nothing but my own situation, you make sure I can't get away.

No matter what you call me to do, even when in my own power I can't see the victory, I keep running into you.





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I miss you!

Oh, Bloggy world... I miss you so much!

I will post soon as to why I have been gone...and why it will last for a while longer.

In Christ Alone

I have been so focused on my situation, I didn't see the big picture.

 I forgot who was in charge. I forgot who goes before me. I forgot the battle has been fought and won with a victory that cost my Savior everything, and He paid it so willingly. Not just obligated, not just called, passionately humbled to serve~ especially by His very death he served us.

"There in the ground, his body lay, light of the world by darkness slain. Then bursting forth, in glorious day, up from the grave He rose again. And as he stands in victory, sin's curse has lost it's grip on me; for I am His and He is mine. Bought with the precious blood of Christ."

My sisters, sing it to your Savior, sing it to your God...lay it on the altar of incense to burn forever as a love offering for his passionate grace and glory!



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Crossing the Jordan ~ Then and Now

Joshua 3 ~ Crossing the Jordan (NIV)

1 Early in the morning Joshua and all the Israelites set out from Shittim and went to the Jordan, where they camped before crossing over. 2 After three days the officers went throughout the camp, 3 giving orders to the people: "When you see the ark of the covenant of the LORD your God, and the priests, who are Levites, carrying it, you are to move out from your positions and follow it. 4 Then you will know which way to go, since you have never been this way before. But keep a distance of about a thousand yards [a] between you and the ark; do not go near it."
5 Joshua told the people "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you."

6 Joshua said to the priests "Take up the Ark of the Covenant and pass on ahead of the people." So they took it up and went ahead of them.

7 And the LORD said to Joshua, "Today I will begin to exalt you in the eyes of all Israel, so they may know that I am with you as I was with Moses. 8 Tell the priests who carry the Ark of the Covenant: 'When you reach the edge of the Jordan's waters, go and stand in the river.' "

9 Joshua said to the Israelites, "Come here and listen to the words of the LORD your God. 10 This is how you will know that the living God is among you and that he will certainly drive out before you the Canaanites, Hittites, Hivites, Perizzites, Girgashites, Amorites and Jebusites. 11 See, the ark of the covenant of the Lord of all the earth will go into the Jordan ahead of you. 12 Now then, choose twelve men from the tribes of Israel, one from each tribe. 13 And as soon as the priests who carry the ark of the LORD -the Lord of all the earth—set foot in the Jordan, its waters flowing downstream will be cut off and stand up in a heap."

14 So when the people broke camp to cross the Jordan, the priests carrying the Ark of the Covenant went ahead of them. 15 Now the Jordan is at flood stage all during harvest. Yet as soon as the priests who carried the ark reached the Jordan and their feet touched the water's edge, 16 the water from upstream stopped flowing. It piled up in a heap a great distance away, at a town called Adam in the vicinity of Zarethan, while the water flowing down to the Sea of the Arabah (the Salt Sea [b] ) was completely cut off. So the people crossed over opposite Jericho. 17 The priests who carried the ark of the covenant of the LORD stood firm on dry ground in the middle of the Jordan, while all Israel passed by until the whole nation had completed the crossing on dry ground.

We have to know everything these days, don't we?

The Israelites didn't have a clue where they were going. All they knew was they were to follow the Ark of the Covenant.

That's faith.

That's having a real, living and breathing relationship with God. If we don't have that level of trust, we will never fully follow him the way we should, or to all the places he wants us to go. We must learn to be humble to get to that level of faith. Having to know everything is pride rising up and telling us that we deserve to know where we are going, what to expect along the way, and even convincing us that we could do a better job of being in charge. In essence, we are telling God to follow us.

In verse 5 we see that the people are to prepare themselves for the Lord to use them. This is so important, and I think it is a step that we don't think much about. We want to be used by God, but we don't want to look too closely at ourselves. But, God can't use something that is already full of something else. We should regularly look at our heart, our thought life, our spiritual health, and our physical health. We have to get rid of the things that are not glorifying to God before he can use us. We may have to address things that we would prefer to hide, but if we don't, we will not be in a place to be used by God. Even the smallest thing, when neglected, becomes the source of great struggle. It can even lead to a disconnect from God. Just as faith like a mustard seed can move mountains, so can sin like a speck become our undoing. Check everything about yourself and remove anything that isn't of God.

When we are prepared to be used by God, use us he will! Verse 7 shows us that God is very ready and very able to use us. Once we are in a place of being prepared, he will work a mighty truth through us for others to see. You may be inclined to think that God can't use you for something big, something amazing, but you would be wrong. God can use anyone, anytime, anywhere and in any circumstance to bring glory to his name! Oh, and make no mistake. It will be very apparent that we do what we do not through our own power or design, but through the one that created us all. His power. His glory.

Amazing!

The most important part of this, I think, is in verses 13-16.

The priests had to step out on faith and trust. The raging waters were fearsome and unknown; uncontrollable and dangerous, but the priests had to step in before the waters would stop. There really was no guarantee that the waters would stop. The only thing they had was faith in God. Faith to do something like that can not be weak. It must be strong, and it must be complete.

Just like the priests, God is ready to do mighty miracles in our life as well, but we have to have the faith to step out so that he can work through us.

In verse 17, we are told that the priests stood firm on dry ground. Yes, the water was held back, but you have to imagine, there was probably a wall of water right behind them. It was also probably raging, swirling, ready to surge forward at the slightest command from God. I think that would have been just the tiniest bit nerve-wracking. Don't you? But the priests stood there. Stood firm.

Once we are in the middle, we can't just walk off. We have to stand firm until it's done. Our obedience, resolve, dedication and perseverance can make the difference to those God sent to journey with us. If the priests had faltered in any of those areas, the waters would have surged forward, taking the Israelites that were crossing with it.

God will call us again and again to be faithful to stand for someone else. It is a huge responsibility. One misstep from us could cause pain to someone else. We have to be strong and solid in our faith.

Does that mean that we will never get it wrong? That our faith will never falter? No, I wish it did. But when we build and grow our trust and faith in God, those times are fewer and further between. God is ever faithful to be generous and compassionate with us.

In those times we can again fall back on God's promise in Isaiah 55:9:

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

as well as 1 Samuel 16:7b:

"The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

God knows we will get it wrong. Make the wrong choice. Forget to have faith. But he also knows what is in our hearts. He will know our intent. He will honor that. Even when we fail, he will know why we wanted to try, and why we will want the opportunity to try again.

I am encouraged again and again as I read through scripture. Not in the way you would think. I am encouraged because no matter how many times the Israelites got it wrong, God was faithful to them. I know he will be faithful to me as well. The God of the Israelites then is the same God who walks with me now.

I think sometimes we forget that.

The same God that could hold back raging waters, deliver an entire nation safely into a land that he held for them, and that repeatedly forgave and blessed a stubborn people, is the same God that I try to put in a box of understanding. He is unknowable, unchanging and unending.

Even though it isn't good to go backward, sometimes it's good to look back on the things that God had done already. If you are wanting to step out in faith, but are not sure where to start, perhaps looking back on all the ways that God has already been good to you will be a great way to begin.

Oh, and if you are like me, you have to take God out of that little box of understanding that you keep trying to fit him in. He is way to big for it. Just let go and step out on faith.

Be like the priests of the Israelites...jump into some raging water with both feet.

he promises he will be there.

This is our God

When God is leaving you in the storm, it isn't because he has forgotten you, it isn't because he is angry at you, it isn't even because you are stubborn and need to "learn your lesson". God is leaving you in the storm, because he loves you in a way that you will never understand, and maybe, just maybe, in the storm, is where he refines you the most. His love will blaze out as a holy fire and burn off all but the things that glorify him most.

If you are in the storm today, praise God! He is with you, refining you, meeting you, walking with you, holding you up to get you through.

Keep holding on.

Exodus 14:14

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

If all you have left is to dig your fingernails in and beg for mercy, DO IT! But don't give up. If you can't hold yourself up anymore, fall to your knees. I promise; I PROMISE his love will meet you there.

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Your Not Shaken

During times of change, I used to worry and wonder, now I understand something I had never really considered. Nothing, NOTHING is a surprise to God. My faith in Him can be sure, no matter what I can't understand. I can trust God to always be who he says he is, and to do what he says he will do.

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

It is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.

Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.

Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.

For men are not cast off
by the Lord forever.

Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.

Lamentations 3:21-32

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Brain Dump

Sometimes I need to just have a little clutter clearing in the thought process.

Here goes...

It's sad when the only expectations you have are negative. It's even sadder when those expectations are met. It's easy to be disappointed in people if you have expectations of them. It's better to just not expect anything.

Times of change and uncertainty just don't bother me. I am in a season of uncertainty and I am not bothered. I know that I am exactly where God wants me, doing what he desires for me. God has made himself apparent in many ways, and I have been affirmed that I am on the right path. It isn't necessarily the path I would have chosen, or maybe the scenery is unexpected is a better way of putting it, but I am excited to see where it will lead.

I have discovered some new friendships. It is nice to have people around you that love God and like to just hang out. They don't have agendas or ulterior motives, they just want to serve God and study his word, and do it with his people. I like that.

I have been having really great times of worship. Not in church, but in my heart.

The seasons changing makes me love God all over again. His creativity, artistry and generosity are abounding.

Autumn is my favorite season.

I watched Abby play daycare yesterday. She fed all of her babies before putting them down for naps on their own pallets. She shushed me and her dad. All I could think of was how much my heart hurt from just pure happiness with my life.

Today, she danced around her room and sang along with her CD. Oh to have that abandon and joy for whatever task I am doing.

Kevin needs more physical outlets. I saw this tonight as he was wrestling with my brother, I realized that he has so much energy contained, that it's no wonder he can't concentrate on anything. I am thinking of Te kwon do. Exercise, discipline and respect for authority. Can't go wrong with that combo.

Bob and I are planning our first true vacation. We are looking at taking a cruise. WE are planning to drive down to Florida as part of the trip. I have never been to Florida, I have never seen the ocean, which naturally leads to the fact I have never been on a cruise. I am so excited that I will be getting rid of so many "nevers" in just a few months!

I just ordered a new Bible study on overcoming fear. Oh, did I mention I am terrified of new places and going where I have never been? I guess this will be a never I can get past too!

We have already started Christmas shopping! Never have we gotten this big a start!

We are making great strides on becoming debt free! God has been so good with us and to us! (We love Dave Ramsey!)

My new favorite verse is Luke 1:45:

"Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"

How amazing!

I just had the best cup of hot cocoa. Half dark chocolate, half milk chocolate.

Thank you for joining me for my brain dump.

Seasons

It has been cooler and rainy the last few days. The poor farmers are watching the skies with prayer and worry, hoping to get their harvest in before the weather takes it from them.

Our school has been closed for a couple days due to a raging outbreak of flu.

I pulled all my hoodies out of storage and dusted off the cool weather shoes.

It's AUTUMN!!

This is my favorite season. I LOVE it. We are planning to take the kids to a pumpkin patch next weekend, then the following weekend we are taking the youth group kids to a haunted house, and then trunk or treat at our church. Then Thanksgiving. There is so much to be thankful for, no matter what struggles, fears, heartache and uncertainty we face.

This is one of my favorite Nicole Nordeman songs. I think it sums up the season's change pretty well.

"Yet he has not left himself without testimony: He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy." Acts 14:17 (NIV)

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