Walking around with rocks in my shoes

When I was out for a walk the other day I got a little tiny stone in my shoe. One that was itty bitty tiny. I was about three and half miles into my walk and was at a nice brisk pace so I didn't want to stop and ruin my rhythm by taking off my shoe and shaking it out.

 

So I kept going.

 

I would shake my foot but that little tiny stone wouldn't move. I stopped long enough to bang my toe on the road a few times to move the itty bitty annoyance, but it still didn't move. I kept walking and with each block, that stone got bigger. By the time I turned the corner at the end of the road it felt like I had a boulder in my shoe. My foot was starting to hurt and all I could focus on was that stone in my shoe. I finally stopped and took my shoe off, but not before I had a pretty tender spot on the ball of my foot. It was sore all that evening and into the next day.

 

Sitting here at the end of today, I realize that sometimes things that happen in our life are like that little tiny stone.

 

I had something happen this morning that, while not big in the grand scheme of life, was enough to annoy me. But instead of sitting down right then and really talking it over with God, maybe look up a few verses, or even call to mind some of the ones I have stored in my heart, I let that situation sit there for awhile.

 

Then I tried to move it to the side, but it didn't go anywhere.

 

Then I took a couple bangs at it in my own power. Yeah, you can imagine how well that worked out.

 

I tried to ignore it for awhile but by this afternoon my attitude was sore, worn down and painful.

 

How often do we let something small have a really big influence on us, simply because we aren't willing to stop and deal with it as soon as we notice it? If you are like me, probably too often to want to admit.

 

If I had only thought to stop and ask for a Word, I probably would have found the verses below hours ago. They talk about salvation, freedom, trust, hope and obedience. All things I could have used a reminder of this morning. And if I had found these words, I wouldn't have ended the day with a sore and battered attitude.

I could have spent the day trusting God instead of focusing on that one little thing that was irritating me.

 

May I offer these verses to tuck inside your heart for the next time you have a little stone that needs to be removed?

May your unfailing love come to me, Lord,
your salvation, according to your promise;  
then I can answer anyone who taunts me,
for I trust in your word.
Never take your word of truth from my mouth,
for I have put my hope in your laws.
 I will always obey your law,
for ever and ever.
I will walk about in freedom,
for I have sought out your precepts. 
I will speak of your statutes before kings
and will not be put to shame, 
for I delight in your commands
because I love them. 
I reach out for your commands, which I love,
that I may meditate on your decrees.
Psalm 119:41-48

So my perception was a little off

Once I decided to be a stay at home mom I thought that this would be my days:

• Get up and do a long devotion and study time.
• Get fully dressed, including hair and make up
• Gently wake my precious children with smiles and happiness
• Make a nutritious home-cooked breakfast
• Write a witty blog post that will encourage and lead others
• fill the day with fun, easy-going family activities, learning opportunities and restfulness
• Welcome home my White Knight with his favorite dinners and a sparkling clean home
• End the day with a quiet devotion and the sense that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and the satisfaction of being a stay at home mom.

During the school year I would also patiently help my son with his homework, bake cookies for my daughter's class and be the perfect sports and room mom.

You know, The Proverbs 31 woman for the year 2012.

Bahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

I have discovered that to be THAT woman I need to be a different woman! One that God has not either a: made me to be or b: started working in me to be. I have spent the last year being more disappointed in myself and my abilities than anything else.

Why in the world did I think I could be the P31 mom to perfection?

This summer I was more the crazy, unfocused, unorganized, scattered and stressed mom. But as the summer went along, and I got more focused about talking to and with God, and getting intentional about studying to better myself through God's Word I learned some things.  See if any of these sound familiar, or maybe something will let you take a deep breath and let some things go.

You can't be what God hasn't made you to be, but you can try to be a better you every day.

More often than not, I am going to screw up at some point each day. I will forget something, lose my temper, forget my priorities etc. God is really awesome about getting me back on track and helping me make amends where I need to, so there is no need to carry around the less-than-perfect mommy guilt. His mercies are new every morning.  Let. It. Go.

A clean house isn't an indication of my abilities as a mother. My children are. I learned that if my kids have clean clothes to wear and clean dishes to eat off of, then the rest can wait.

When my daughter tells me I am the best mom in the world, instead of feeling sorry for her that she has no better frame of reference, I can now honestly be thankful that I filled her love tank and I can also know that maybe, just maybe, today I earned an "atta girl" from my Heavenly Father as well.

Four short devotions, done with complete attention for 5-10 minutes throughout the day will help me stay focused on what is truly important as well as, if not better than, one long session in the morning. If I only get three pages of a study done, but I really think about those three pages for the rest of the day, I am growing and learning. It's not how much, but how deep.

Praying sounds more like day-long off and on conversations, muttering and exclamations these days, but God really really likes to hear from me whenever, wherever.

I will have so much time to blog when my kids are grown and gone. I miss being here more regularly and I hope to get back to my two a week postings soon, but watching my son play football, planting flowers with my daughter, and doing home repair and improvement projects with my White Knight, well those need to be done while I still have the opportunity to do them. Time flies away unnoticed all too often. I am trying to be here (in the moment with my family) which means sometimes I can't be here (blogging).

So what I thought being a stay at home mom would be like isn't anywhere close to what actually is. For me anyway. But I am getting more and more OK with that every day.