Being in a funk and waiting, waiting, WAITING!

I am going to be honest with you, I'm in a funk.

I have been in a funk for quite some time now. I don't tell people much because they try to cheer me out of it, or Scripture me out of it, or give me another round of platitudes. 

I don't need that. 

I know what the Bible says. I know all the cheer-up quotes and fuzzy kitten happys that are to be found. But that doesn't mean I will be any the better for hearing them. AGAIN.

Sometimes you just have to sit where you are and wait. You don't like it. It is frustrating. Confusing. Painful. INFURIATING. But you still have to sit where you are and wait and that can bring on a funky funk. The kind of funks I am talking about aren't depression or pity-parties. They are more a high-level of frustration and disappointment over waiting. And waiting. And waiting some more!

And having people constantly telling you that things will turn around, to just take that first step forward and see what happens, that something new is just around the corner, or that God has something for me only serve to point out that all of those great and exciting things are not here yet. Well-intentioned and I am thankful for you for trying don't get me wrong! But none of that helps

Funks come because you want to move forward and can't, not because you don't want to. God is really good at making sure you don't move if He doesn't want you too. Oh sure, you can, but when you do you are outside of God's will and that is waaaay worse than a funk!

So I don't tell people I am in a funk. 

But some people just can't miss it. Like my hubby. He has to live with my funkiness because unfortunately we really meant the "for worse" part of the vows too. Not that I have been hideous to live with, I don't think, but because I am just not me. The great thing about my particular prince charming is that he gets the roller coaster aspect that I bring to our marriage. He understands that there are highs and lows in walking with God, and with me as well, and that there will be times that I am going to be funky, and not the good kind that makes him laugh. We know that we are the perfect example of opposites attracting and that he is just not going to get me sometimes. And you know what he does when those times come? 

Nothing.

I love him for that.

He doesn't try to spur me on, or hurry me up or change me during the funk times. He just lets me be where I am and picks up any slack that I might be leaving. He doesn't complain and he doesn't judge. He just silently supports me where ever I happen to be. He encourages me to stick to the things I need to be doing, and he demonstrates dependability and godliness to me. He pushes when I need it but doesn't try to force me where  I am not ready or supposed to be.

Being in a funk isn't fun. But seeing once again why God brought me and my man together is a blessing. He knew that my crazy, emotional, roller-coaster personality would balance out his quiet, routine, laid-back way of doing life. And of course it works the other way around. 

So, if you are in a funk, I won't try and happy you out of it. But I think I might ask you to look around at who is walking through it with you. That way you can see how good God is and how even though He isn't moving you forward right now, he is still moving. Always has been. Always will. 

And that makes the funk a little easier to sit though.

Pastime activities and time passing

Just stopping in for a minute to let you know that I am still around! Things always get busy for our family in the fall. Little Man, who is the same height I am now, is just about to wrap up his football season. More losses than wins this year but as a team they have played well. We have just been playing some giants! Several times my 5 foot 8 inch tall boy has gone up against kids that were so big he bounced off them when he hit them, but he kept at it! Two more games, two days of rest, then right into practice for basketball season. He is holding his own in school right now and so we are well begun into our year of seventh grade adventures. We have his IEP meeting this week so any prayers for wisdom and guidance will be gratefully and gladly accepted!

Little bit is running me crazy! She is loving school, and is starting to show some interest in specific things that we can encourage. I do believe our little star will be getting a kareoke machine for Christmas, and possibly a keyboard. I have read several articles that five is a great age to begin keyboard lessons. She is going to be able to learn the music alphabet, what each note looks like and does, and how to position her fingers. By the time she is seven, if she would like to transition or add another instrument, then she will already have basic music concepts covered. I am thinking she will really like this! She has also developed a love of puzzles and we are doing our best to keep her stocked with challenging ones!

I have discovered that I have no hobbies to update you on. Unless it's walking. I don't really consider that a hobby though. I walk to keep my attitude in check and to keep my cardiovascular and muscle systems fit. But it isn't really something that I would call a hobby. I am up to about 5 miles a day, 2-3 days a week. I do feel better for it though.

 I believe this is what they call a season, this time of others focus. But I really think I need to find something that is all my own. There are lots of things I want to try, but the biggest of them is learning archery. We had an outdoor sports expo outreach at our church over the summer and I really enjoyed shooting! Now, I said ARCHERY, not HUNTING. Big difference. I want to shoot at paper targets taped to straw bales. NOT Bambi. Maybe this can be a goal for 2013. 

I am currently blogging for books. you may have noticed in my last few posts. I love reading and with our reduced budget for books, I have found this a cost-effective way to feed my addiction, while providing a great service to some really good writers!

OK, time for me to be off and doing. I am still busy in kids ministry and I need to go decorate our classrooms for October curriculum. I will be back to write as soon as I can. Until then, I will leave you with a passage that is really warming my heart these days:

But now, this is what the Lord says—  he who created you, O Jacob,    he who formed you, O Israel:“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;    I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters,    I will be with you;and when you pass through the rivers,    they will not sweep over you.When you walk through the fire,    you will not be burned;    the flames will not set you ablaze.For I am the Lord, your God,    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;I give Egypt for your ransom,    Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight,    and because I love you,I will give men in exchange for you,    and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you;

Isaiah 43:1-5

Walking around with rocks in my shoes

When I was out for a walk the other day I got a little tiny stone in my shoe. One that was itty bitty tiny. I was about three and half miles into my walk and was at a nice brisk pace so I didn't want to stop and ruin my rhythm by taking off my shoe and shaking it out.

 

So I kept going.

 

I would shake my foot but that little tiny stone wouldn't move. I stopped long enough to bang my toe on the road a few times to move the itty bitty annoyance, but it still didn't move. I kept walking and with each block, that stone got bigger. By the time I turned the corner at the end of the road it felt like I had a boulder in my shoe. My foot was starting to hurt and all I could focus on was that stone in my shoe. I finally stopped and took my shoe off, but not before I had a pretty tender spot on the ball of my foot. It was sore all that evening and into the next day.

 

Sitting here at the end of today, I realize that sometimes things that happen in our life are like that little tiny stone.

 

I had something happen this morning that, while not big in the grand scheme of life, was enough to annoy me. But instead of sitting down right then and really talking it over with God, maybe look up a few verses, or even call to mind some of the ones I have stored in my heart, I let that situation sit there for awhile.

 

Then I tried to move it to the side, but it didn't go anywhere.

 

Then I took a couple bangs at it in my own power. Yeah, you can imagine how well that worked out.

 

I tried to ignore it for awhile but by this afternoon my attitude was sore, worn down and painful.

 

How often do we let something small have a really big influence on us, simply because we aren't willing to stop and deal with it as soon as we notice it? If you are like me, probably too often to want to admit.

 

If I had only thought to stop and ask for a Word, I probably would have found the verses below hours ago. They talk about salvation, freedom, trust, hope and obedience. All things I could have used a reminder of this morning. And if I had found these words, I wouldn't have ended the day with a sore and battered attitude.

I could have spent the day trusting God instead of focusing on that one little thing that was irritating me.

 

May I offer these verses to tuck inside your heart for the next time you have a little stone that needs to be removed?

May your unfailing love come to me, Lord,
your salvation, according to your promise;  
then I can answer anyone who taunts me,
for I trust in your word.
Never take your word of truth from my mouth,
for I have put my hope in your laws.
 I will always obey your law,
for ever and ever.
I will walk about in freedom,
for I have sought out your precepts. 
I will speak of your statutes before kings
and will not be put to shame, 
for I delight in your commands
because I love them. 
I reach out for your commands, which I love,
that I may meditate on your decrees.
Psalm 119:41-48

So my perception was a little off

Once I decided to be a stay at home mom I thought that this would be my days:

• Get up and do a long devotion and study time.
• Get fully dressed, including hair and make up
• Gently wake my precious children with smiles and happiness
• Make a nutritious home-cooked breakfast
• Write a witty blog post that will encourage and lead others
• fill the day with fun, easy-going family activities, learning opportunities and restfulness
• Welcome home my White Knight with his favorite dinners and a sparkling clean home
• End the day with a quiet devotion and the sense that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and the satisfaction of being a stay at home mom.

During the school year I would also patiently help my son with his homework, bake cookies for my daughter's class and be the perfect sports and room mom.

You know, The Proverbs 31 woman for the year 2012.

Bahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

I have discovered that to be THAT woman I need to be a different woman! One that God has not either a: made me to be or b: started working in me to be. I have spent the last year being more disappointed in myself and my abilities than anything else.

Why in the world did I think I could be the P31 mom to perfection?

This summer I was more the crazy, unfocused, unorganized, scattered and stressed mom. But as the summer went along, and I got more focused about talking to and with God, and getting intentional about studying to better myself through God's Word I learned some things.  See if any of these sound familiar, or maybe something will let you take a deep breath and let some things go.

You can't be what God hasn't made you to be, but you can try to be a better you every day.

More often than not, I am going to screw up at some point each day. I will forget something, lose my temper, forget my priorities etc. God is really awesome about getting me back on track and helping me make amends where I need to, so there is no need to carry around the less-than-perfect mommy guilt. His mercies are new every morning.  Let. It. Go.

A clean house isn't an indication of my abilities as a mother. My children are. I learned that if my kids have clean clothes to wear and clean dishes to eat off of, then the rest can wait.

When my daughter tells me I am the best mom in the world, instead of feeling sorry for her that she has no better frame of reference, I can now honestly be thankful that I filled her love tank and I can also know that maybe, just maybe, today I earned an "atta girl" from my Heavenly Father as well.

Four short devotions, done with complete attention for 5-10 minutes throughout the day will help me stay focused on what is truly important as well as, if not better than, one long session in the morning. If I only get three pages of a study done, but I really think about those three pages for the rest of the day, I am growing and learning. It's not how much, but how deep.

Praying sounds more like day-long off and on conversations, muttering and exclamations these days, but God really really likes to hear from me whenever, wherever.

I will have so much time to blog when my kids are grown and gone. I miss being here more regularly and I hope to get back to my two a week postings soon, but watching my son play football, planting flowers with my daughter, and doing home repair and improvement projects with my White Knight, well those need to be done while I still have the opportunity to do them. Time flies away unnoticed all too often. I am trying to be here (in the moment with my family) which means sometimes I can't be here (blogging).

So what I thought being a stay at home mom would be like isn't anywhere close to what actually is. For me anyway. But I am getting more and more OK with that every day.

Teaching little birds to fly

When did I become the authority on everything?

As I was on a walk today, I was praying for my son, and I heard a little voice telling me to be quiet sometimes. 

The more I thought about it, the more I realized, I tend, completely on accident, to present myself as the ultimate authority on many things to my son. 

I give him laundry lists of dos, don'ts, shoulds, shouldn'ts, try this, don't try that, be aware of this and don't even think about considering this!

As he enters his teen years, I have been asking myself more, "What decisions, good and bad, are right around the corner for him"? Have I been preparing him to discern for himself how to make the wise choice, or have I crippled him into believing that he needs someone to point out the answer?

Constantly I hear "I know" when I tell him something. I have been annoyed by it, thinking, "No, you don't know, that is why I am telling you." But now I wonder, does he know and I am just not allowing him to express things in his own way? Have I been frustrating him by assuming since he doesn't respond the same way I do that he is unprepared for his stage in life? Am I steamrolling his self-confidence by trying to mother too much?

I had an image of a  Momma bird, wing tucked tight to her body, holding her baby chick tight against herself under the protection of her feathers.The only problem is, if we are that Momma bird, we generally don't pay attention to what happens next. We are happy and content with providing complete shelter for our baby. We don't want to take the next step. But here is what has to happen:

For that Momma bird, as her baby bird grows, she loosens her hold. She watches but doesn't control as he stretches his wings, safe inside the nest. She observes and trains but doesn't stop him as he flaps around, testing his strength. She provides support and nourishes him until that one day. The day that definitely is his day. The day he needs to fly. 

Does she grab him close? Does she tuck him under that wing? 

No. 

She watches, and if he takes too long, she nudges, shoos and pushes until he takes off and flies on his own. 

I am in the flapping around, testing his strength phase. If I don't allow him to do things on his own, he won't ever be strong enough when it is his time to fly. 

We have all seen baby birds on the ground. The are flapping around, trying to fly, and there isn't a Momma bird around. 

Or is there?

When we see that baby bird, we wonder why the Momma isn't there helping them, getting them going, keeping the world away until they are ready to try again. (Usually they are close by. We don't see them, but they are almost always there.)

I think that Momma bird knows something we need to remember. For our children to be strong enough to fly solo, they need to be able fall. And when they fall, they have to figure out how to find the strength to get back up and try again. On their own. To try harder, or try something else. Sometimes we need to let them see some of the dangers in our world, because if they try to jump out of the nest and fly without all the training, the practice and the falls, without being aware that threats exist, then they will be totally unprepared to make it against the bigger threats to come.

As a parent, I have to nudge my son toward the real world. If I continue to solve every problem, shield him from every struggle, pain, and consequence, he will be completely unprepared to fly. 

I am not saying we need to throw them over the side with a good luck and good bye, but taking a long, hard look at the concept of over-protecting might be in order. 

I know, I KNOW! We don't want our babies to hurt, to struggle, to have to deal with consequences. It hurts our Momma hearts. But to grow strong, healthy, able adults, we need to allow some of the real world in, a little at a time, under our supervision, while we can still help, guide and train.

As tomorrow is Mother's Day, I am going to do my best to start letting my little bird (who is NOT so little) show me what he can do. I am going to let him stretch his wings a little more often, and I am going to let him see over the edge of that nest. Only five short years until he will be considered an "adult" by the world standards, and definitely by his. That's not much time to train him into all he will need to know to fly. 

Let the nudging begin!

The Bible is my go-to book, but not really

"Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do." Joshua 1:8

my son is entering the teenage years. Sometimes the things he does leave me flummoxed (verb: to bewilder, confound, confuse). It has really been becoming clear to me that I have no idea how to deal with a teenage boy. What to do?

As a stay at home mom I really want to make what I do in the home meaningful, consistent and welcoming. With my ADD sanguine personality, I can't even tell you how almost impossible this is for me. How do I keep from getting overwhelmed?

I love food. The taste, the processes of cooking and baking, the smells, the textures. All of it. And it shows in my dress size and fitness level. Why can't I control my eating and lose weight?

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar? Please someone say yes! 

To help me with these issues, I got books. I purchased "Got Teens?" by Jill Savage and Pam Farrell, "The Complete Guide to Getting and Staying Organized" by Karen Ehman, "The House That Cleans Itself" by Mindy Starns Clark, "Reshaping It All" by Candace Cameron Bure, and "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst.

And I read blogs. Lots and lots of blogs!

Now, let me first tell you that I loved each and every one of these books. If I didn't, I wouldn't have listed them, much less linked them. They are packed full of encouragement, plans, lists, to-dos, to-dont's, booty-kicking and Scriptures. They are good books.

But they are not the Good Book.

As a Jesus-lovin' girl, I know and I mean know that the Bible is truth. It is strength, it is direction, it is encouragement. 

And sadly, it is usually the last self-help book I grab when I have something I need to work through. 

All the instruction I will ever need is right there. Every topic, every struggle covered and conquered right there in the pages of a love letter just for me. 

And you. 

I think I tend to turn to books written by people because i want to re-affirm to myself that i am not the only one who is or has gone through this. And if they did it, then I want their tips and tricks to get me through too. And this is good. 

But it shouldn't be our first step. This should be around step four in our journey.

If you are like me, then the first two are ones that generally get skipped.

Step One: Pray about it. Go to God first before anyone else. Speak it all out to him. The good, the bad, the things you feel are impossible. Tell Him everything, then sit still and listen. sometimes you will have to be still for a long time. Longer than you want. Keep waiting.

Step Two: Open your Bible. Make it your go-to book for everything. The best advice will always be right from the Word of God. 

Struggling with eating? Try doing a word study of food; Self-control. Providing. Sufficiency. Satisfied. 

Lost trying to be a good, godly parent? Try looking up the words children, lead, discipline, teach, guide, LOVE. 

Sometimes the Scripture will apply to your situation, sometimes it won't. But you will be reading from the true source of knowledge. You will be placing a lot of Scripture in your mind and in your heart without a middle-man sharing their impressions and learnings. It will be you and God, walking together. 

Step Three: Apply what you learned. This is the hard part. Not only in being willing to do what you have learned, but in figuring out how to practically apply it. Sometimes after I have learned something from Scripture, I feel like I completely understand and am ready to follow through on the why, but the how seems cloudy. This is the time to go for help. If you can't see ways to make the changes you learned, then ask a friend, find a group, buy some books. 

Step Four: Get Help. Godly counsel from friends, family and outside sources is  the best way to change your path. Once you know what you need to do, getting help doing it is not only wise, it can make it fun! 

Parenting a teen has days, weeks, even seasons when it seems like fun has died, but it hasn't! Get together with a friend who is where you are now, and a friend who has  already blazed a path and can stand up the road cheering you on. 

Get accountability for being a homemaker by getting together with another homemaker. Have your own accountability group. Do a Bible study together that is on a home-centered topic or read a book and have a micro book club to encourage each other. 

Develop a group to help you lose weight. My friend has a group that named themselves the Dirty Skirt Girls. They are Jesus-loving health freaks. They work out together, do walks and runs together, train together, cook together, and carry each other through major illnesses and struggles, all the time keeping each other on a healthy path. If I didn't live six hours away I would totally be in her group! 

There are thousands of good books written by Christians that are bible-based and will truly help and guide you through just about any and every struggle that you will face in your life. 

But don't just settle for good. 

Go to God first. Get His best for you before anything else. Step by step, in order, one at a time. And you will prosper and be successful in all you do.

Finding balance

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23

Finding balance isn't easy for me. I started the year with a simplified schedule. I cut out several things that I like doing so that I would be able to do other things with more focus and so that I would have more margin. 

It is only the middle of March and I am once again heading toward over-commitment. 

Why is this such a problem for me? I think I have figured it out. Lack of self-control. 

We generally think of self-control when it comes to eating, money, shopping or our temper, but saying no takes a lot more self control that you might think.

I don't get bogged down in things that I hate to do. OK, putting away laundry and hand-washing floors are not things that I love, but I don't hate them. I get overwhelmed by things that are good. That are fun. That I like to do! Serving in one too many ministries at church. Offering help to one more friend. Saying yes to that one temporary job outside the home. Scheduling too many extracurricular activities for our family. One too many lunches with my friends.

I have been known to spend the majority of my time on something trying to "get it in order", but I then am forced to spend extra time somewhere else to make up for it. For example: I decided I needed to put my need to exercise on the front burner because I wanted to get healthy (and lets face it, slimmer and sexier!). I spent a couple weeks putting in tons of extra time trying to walk my way thin and neglected my housework. I then realized that I had a disgusting house and had to spend extra time getting it back in order. My exercise went out the window. Another example: I teach our church's kindergarten thru 5th grade class during one of our main services and I love it. But I also am part of the worship team which feeds my spirit. Last year during the week before Easter I was at the church every afternoon/evening working on something. No exercise or housework or family time that week. by Sunday, you know, EASTER Sunday (My absolute favorite day of the year by the way!) I was so sick I couldn't go to church. I missed my favorite church day, my favorite day of the year because I was so overworked and run down that I became sick. 

Good things don't necessarily make them the right things to be doing. I am once again figuring out how to thin down our family's to-do's so that we can spend more time together. I don't want our summer to be a series of timetables, chore charts and busy busy busy. Not only does this create a home environment that is hurried and chaotic, but it also creates hurried and chaotic emotions and thoughts. 

By using the above verse from Galatians, I have a great scale to weigh our schedule on. Here are a few ways to figure out if what you are comptemplating adding to your schedule should really be there:

Love: Ask yourself if this is something that will allow you and or your family to show love to each other or those outside your family. If it is just something fun to do and will take up valuable time, it might be something you need to pass on... for now.

Joy: Will I or my family be able to experience and share true joy through this activity or commitment?

Peace: Will I be able to keep the peace of our home if I add this? Our home is to be a place of rest and refuge for every person that lives there. If I am adding chaos or clutter that I can't keep up with, it isn't worth it.

Patience: I know I have this in limited supply so I need to ask myself - is my schedule set in such a way as to help me tend my patience, or will it send me off on an emotional explosion by the end of the day, week or month?

Kindness: Will this activity allow either me or my family to show kindness to others? 

Goodness: Will I be honoring God intentionally with this activity?

Faithfulness: Will adding something else to my schedule keep me from being faithful to God in honoring my quiet time, Bible study and prayer?

Gentleness: Will I and/or my family be able to do this activity with gentleness or will we fill rushed and have the possibility of hurting ourselves or others through thoughts, words or deeds?

Self-control: After looking at the situation thoroughly, make a decision based on wisdom and discernment. Do I say yes, no or later? Then do it and stick to my decision.

It's a long, hard list to consider. We tend to seek and desire the best, the newest, the brightest, the most. Because of this mentality, we have taken good things and placed them in a position of power in our lives. 

~ We work longer to acquire things and are tired and worn out all the time because of it.

~ Once we get those things we give them too much of our time and attention.

~ We serve more to prove our heart, even though it just doesn't work that way with God.

~ We have more activities to keep us entertained and yet we become disconnected and lose focus on the important things in the process. 

We are tired, stressed and stretched to our limit. 

I have spent the last week looking at and considering my and my family's pace and focus. Can I encourage you to do the same? 

God did not intend our lives to be too fast, too full and too stressed. He has given us the tools and ability to make an informed, intentional decision regarding everything in our lives. I have determined to take back my schedule and my family's schedule. 

Will you join me?

Itchy Feet

"...I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation..." Philippians 4:11-12

I have been sick for the past three weeks. I have had a good day here and there, but it is just one of those illnesses that begins and then keeps morphing into something new. Today I was in Prompt Care getting a shot to counter-act my allergic reaction to the medication they put me on last week. Yeah, that is how my last three weeks have gone.

I have always struggled with Itchy Feet. I have a list as long as my arm of places I want to visit. Places two hours away, two days drive away, and on the other side of the world. I would happily go to any of them.

After sitting on my couch and laying on my bed for the last three weeks, the Itchy Feet has grown to monster proportions. 

Every time I think about all the thousand and one places I would rather be, I get a little whisper is the back of my head. 

It is telling me that wanting to be where I can't go is only making it worse. 

"But I really don't want to be here anymore!" I whine to that voice, sometimes out loud. 

But that voice is speaking truth. Wanting and wishing for what we do not have, or for where we can not go, leads to more than wanting and wishing. It can lead to discontentment. Discontentment can very quickly turn into bitterness. 

I have been thinking of all the things I would like to do. Things on my lists that keep getting pushed down further because of new responsibilities, new needs that come along. Every time I have to push something I want to do down on my list because of something that I have to do, I have learned that I have a choice to make.

The first thing I can choose to do is see the things I want falling further and further down my list. I can get mad, I can whine, I can make a fuss, and I can eventually become bitter about it. The more I choose this option, the bigger my loss will feel, because it is all I am looking at.

OR

I can choose to realize that this is simply where I am right now. This location is where God has placed me to fulfill His plan in me. If God had something for me in Ireland, I would be there. If God thought that I needed a beach break, I would be on one. If God wanted me to focus my time, energy and talents on one of my "wish list" wants, then I would be doing it. And I am sure those things are in my future. Just not my future tomorrow. 

God wants us to focus on now. 

On where he has us now. On the skills, talents and works that He has for us now. On the people He wants us to help now. On the lessons He is teaching us now.

One thing God is teaching me right now is that until I get what He has for me now, I can't get to the places He wants me to be next. He is patient. He will not let me skip a step. How I choose to respond to where He has me now will determine how quickly I can move on. 

Is there somewhere you want to go, or something that you want to do? Is focusing on that place or thing keeping you from seeing all God has for you now? Today might be the day that you need to spend time with God asking him to re-focus your effort and energy and desire. 

Learning to be content in where you are now, doing what you do now will actually help you get where you are going next- faster. 

Resolution

Resolution:

• A resolve or determination; to make a firm resolution to do something
• The act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.
• The mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose

Hello January 1st! What a great day to dictate my hopes, dreams, actions and directions for the next year! I am determining on this day to only eat healthy things, only do healthy things, have only good attitudes and love EVERYONE!

And now, back to reality.

It is easy to be resolute in these things when we are excited about the possibilities of a new year. When life hasn't yet had a chance to put to the test our "resolving or determining upon an action or course of action".  

We know that we will really do it this time. 

We are strong!

We are committed!

We are fooling ourselves!!

The biggest problem with New Year's Resolutions are that they are utterly specific and completely unattainable! I resolved to quit smoking year after year... and never made it far. I resolved to only eat portion sizes and cut out extra sugar, until that first box of donuts crossed my path.  I resolved to get my emotions under control, until my kid pushed all the buttons that only my kid can push (and will do so gleefully!).

Our heart is in the right place. Our desire is in the right place. But we forget about life. And we forget we aren't perfect. 

So we fail. We let ourselves down. Resolution gone. 

It isn't that we aren't trying, resolutions are just not life-proof.

Paul says it like this:

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no the evil I do not want to do- this I keep on doing. Now, if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."    Romans 7:15-20

Basically, Paul is saying no matter how good we want to be, try to be, strive to be, we are not perfect people. We will never be perfect people. We all struggle with sin, so we will all fall or fail at one time or another.

But don't be discouraged! There is Hope!

One aspect of resolutions is attainable. If you noticed, the last definition is "firmness of purpose".  

Resolutions can and will succeed if they are based on our firmness of purpose. Not definite material or physical goals.

At the end of 2012, will you be able to look back and say, I never swayed from the main purpose of this year. I tried my best to love others more than myself, I tried to be healthier than I was last year. I tried to keep control of my tongue and my attitude when I usually would have let loose with every weapon in my arsenal? Those are kept resolutions.

I have defined my "firmness of purpose" for 2012 like this:

I will love Jesus this year more than I have ever loved him before. I will be more intentional about it. I will work harder at it. And I will let the fruit of that love show in the ways that God has planned for me to the best of my ability and obedience. And I will praise God even when I can't find the good in my current situation, because the good is there because God is there.

I didn't promise myself to lose 70 pounds. 

I didn't promise to never lose my temper with my kids again.

I didn't promise to have all my debt paid off in six months.

I promised to love Jesus and let him work through me. That is a resolution that I will keep.

To share with you...

Sometimes there are things that are just too good not to share. I am posting some things that have inspired, encouraged or otherwise made my day in some way.

10 Points of Joyful Parenting sits on my fridge door. I look at it as often as I need to (to re-adjust my attitude) or want to find a way to focus back in on what this parenting thing is all about. While you are there, take the time to savor the writing of Ann Voskamp. You will be blessed indeed.

A friend and I recently had a conversation about hearing from God. What's it like? How do I know? Is it a voice? A feeling? This I ran across this wonderful gift on Lysa TerKeurst's website.

I was reading Karen Ehman's blog (so wonderfully titled Live Your Priorities, Love Your Life) today and she shared what has become my number one favorite song. Chris Tomlin's All My Fountains. I have listened to it about 20 times today. LOVE. IT.

My ladies ministry at church has started Priscilla Shirer's Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted Bible study. I'm already hooked. Get it? Hooked.

LeAnn Rice over at She Cooks has a recipe that makes all the other recipes jealous. Try this Marble Cheesecake with Dark Chocolate Ganache.

I will be creating these cute little pumpkin people for my front porch this weekend.

And finally...

Football season is winding down, and that makes my heart sad, but my very handsome guard made my Momma Heart very very proud!

And how could we leave out one very cute Jr. Cheerleader sister?

My babies.

Chasing Connection

I twitter. Or Tweet. Or whatever.

I post to my wall.

I update my blog.

I text.

I email.

That is about all I am willing to do. Sometimes that seems to be way too much.

How much time should we spend chasing connection via digital communication? What is it about a little flag, or envelope, or whatever, that has a number next to it to indicate we have a message that gives us a thrill that genuine face-to-face, flesh-to-flesh connection doesn't seem to have anymore?

I have a friend whom I used to send little hand-noted cards and letters written in long-hand. Now we blip away via digital communication. We used to say the highlight of our week was getting some non-bill mail. You know, the kind of mail that isn't asking for money?

I can't remember the last time I sent her something personal.

Could our need to chase connection through digital means also be a reflection of our general lack of manners and consideration nowadays?

We don't have to have to be polite anymore. Most texts don't start:

Dear Barbara,

How are you? It's been too long since I heard from you! How are the girls?

No, now when we need to talk to someone, we can text them:

u get ur copy of meeting notes? Txt me outline pt #2? missed it. THX!

What?? What is that?

And we don't call people anymore. No time for that. We shoot them an email that looks like this:

Hey!Gonna have a get-together at my house on the 22^nd. Prolly around 5:30 or so. You in? Bring the kiddos and your YUM brownies!

Yeah, that feels really personal and warm.

And yet, with all the lightening fast connection why do we tend to feel more alone than ever?

I actually saw a post on Facebook that said they wished real life were more like Facebook. It was so much friendlier there.

That is just sad my friends.

Now, before you point out the obvious, yes I am posting this in a blog.

Ah hum.

I realize the irony. But I also have always committed to writing about things that I see, things that influence me and things that make me think. Do I get my booty kicked right alongside those of you who read my little bloggy thoughts and agree? Sure I do. I can't write about what I haven't experienced!

So, how do we quit chasing connection and actually connect?

Go to the store. Buy a datebook and some really cute cards or stationary. Disconnect from all the electronics and start connecting again. Call a friend and schedule an actual date. Meet for coffee. Get ice cream and sit at the park watching the kids play while you catch up. Go on a double date with another couple you haven't seen in awhile. Send a card of encouragement and a long handwritten letter to your friend who lives a state away but knows you like no other.

Connect.

Loneliness is a plague these days. In a digital age that makes us think we are connected, It sits inside our computers and phones and masquerades as relationships, but as soon as we click the log-off button, we are as lonely as ever. Take some steps today to get back to real relationships.

And if you are like me, then you can blog about your experience. Or post. Or tweet. Or whatever.  

A quick observation

I was in Nashville over the weekend and I observed something quite interesting.

Tucked all around where I was were little bits and pieces of beauty. Quiet little spots to look at nature and relax in the shade while you could sit and watch the world. Little spaces dedicated to green, to nature, to beauty.

No one was there.

Broadway is a busy rush of humanity. Pushing, shopping, partying. There was loud music blaring every twenty feet, bright lights flashing, overpriced food, overpriced drinks, cheap items selling high.

All those people on vacation, in a hurry to cram as much “relaxation” in as they could; hurried past those quiet little spots of rest.

When did we decide that relaxing meant shopping? That vacation meant the hustle and bustle of loud, bright and garish?

Isn't that how we spend our lives anymore? Hurrying from one thing we think we want to another, going so fast we miss all the little bits of beauty that are designed to inspire us along the way?

These observations have flowed over into my day-to-day life as well. How often do I get up with a list of things to get done, and completely miss all those little moments that could have been memories?

The hustle and bustle of laundry and cleaning, the hurrying from one errand to the next, the frustrations of customer service calls. I walk right past the pile of crayons and paper, the swing hanging under the tree, the pretty note cards I bought to send to friends, the pile of blankets that can instantly become a fort.

My little vacation was restful and enjoyable. I made a point for it to be so. But it also re-affirmed to me that I create more stress for myself than I think I do. I can also make a point for my normal day-to-day to be enjoyable as well. It takes only a little bit of intentionality, and a whole lot of slowing down.

What is one thing that you wish you had time to do? One thing that you want to take from a missed moment to a cherished memory?

Find a way to make it happen. Let the quiet spots become something you seek with purpose. Be intentional about enjoying the day you are given.

Grabbing Grace

"From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another."

John 1:16

All my time is spent working. When I look around all I see is things that aren't getting done, things that need completed, repaired, corrected, updated, organized, studied, prepared, scheduled...it

never ends.

All this doing and going and working is overwhelming. Why can't I ever feel like I have accomplished what I have set out to do?

Because I am the one setting out to do it.

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139:16

Very rarely do I wake up in the morning relaxed in the knowledge that I am fully equipped to meet everything coming my way today (2 Timothy 3:17). God is fully aware and fully in control of each and every moment of my life. As Psalm 139 promises, God has ordained every one of my days. But I wake up focused on my to-do list and live in the stress of never marking off everything I "needed" to get done.

Our verse today brings everything down to one simple way to break this exhausting cycle.

Grace.

By grabbing ahold of grace with both hands and refusing to be shaken off by the unexpected and undone.

By learning to understand that there will always be something else that needs my attention, I can grab grace and focus in on what God would have me do. And be OK with letting go of the rest.

We are promised that in the fullness of grace we will receive one blessing after another. What is the blessing you could most use today? Peace? Time to catch your breath? Giving yourself permission to put down the to-do list and just be in the moment? The ability to be OK with what didn't get done? A refreshing of your spirit through a quality time with God alone?

There are some women noted in Scripture that I am quite sure learned how to grab ahold of grace and not let go.

"Greet Tryphena and Tryphosa, those women who work hard in the Lord. Greet my dear friend Persis, another woman who has worked very hard in the Lord."

Romans 16:12

 

Notice the three most important words that describe these women's work.

 

In the Lord.

 

We don't know what these women did specifically. That wasn't the point. We were only to learn from them that they worked hard in the Lord. They had it figured out. The Lord is the point. When we know what the point is, we don't stress over the work.

 

Yes, it is in the Lord we find strength, the ability to prioritize, and the excitement for the purpose. It is by grabbing grace that we find our sense of accomplishement. We can go to sleep with peace in what we did, and wake with anticipation of a day spent serving the Lord and being blessed for it.

 

Some News

I have some news, but before I share, I guess I need to tell you the back story to get you current.

First, If you have read my blog in the past, you will know that Kevin needs some extra help with aspects of his learning. Although we have worked well with the school, homework has always been a nightmare. I say that in the sense that by the time I get home from work, it is dinner time. Once we get dinner over with, then we can start homework. With his reading difficulties, homework, on average, takes several hours a night. It wasn't anything for him to be finishing up at 11:00pm. Not ideal in the least, but we didn't have any options.

Also, For the past six months or so, God has been really working on me. He has been really convicting me over my lack of trust in the finance department. My lack of obedience, my lack of trust, my lack of faith, my lack of giving up control. I have been fighting God on this issue for about as long as I have been trying to walk with Him. I don't know why other than the fact that I don't want to give up the driver's seat, even though I keep crashing the car, so to speak. After about six weeks of what my friend Shelley calls God screaming at me (the same message in place after place after place for weeks on end) God finally got through to me. I am not one to go down easy, even when the fight is with God, and as you can image,after that kind of fight the surrender wasn't easy. But God. After I finally told God I would listen and obey him, I did. And it hasn't been as hard as I would have thought. Now, not saying I haven't taken a couple wrong turns since then, but I am on a good path now.

Finally, I have been completely overwhelmed, time-wise. I have scaled back everywhere I could think of, but just could not get peace about the amount of time I was dedicating at home. I spent a lot of time figuring out if it was conviction, which is God, or feeling condemned, which is NOT God. I wanted to make sure I was working things out in God's will. Oh how I have longed for a burning bush! For God to say, this is the exact thing I want you to do at this time. I will be there every step of the way, I will tell you what to say, and tell you what to do. But I never got one.  Once again, God started talking. Loudly. Not a burning bush, but pretty good. The same message everywhere I went. It was funny at times because a friend would be sharing something she got out of Bible study, that was exactly what she wanted to hear, and it was the same message I had been hearing everywhere; but because God was working out different things in each of us, the same Bible study had two completely different outcomes.

Where is all this information leading?

As of July 9th, I will be a stay-at-home Mom! Is this scary? SO. VERY. MUCH. but you know what? I am OK with that. I have already had some confirmations since I turned in my notice at work. Will I miss my job? YES! I loved working with wonderful women, in a ministry that is very near and dear to God's heart (a crisis pregnancy center). I will also miss seeing God show up in some unexpected and awesome ways. But, I know that God has some really great stuff for me down this new path I will begin.

One of the things I hope to come back to is blogging. Not that I think I am so witty, or experienced, or more able than any other Jesus-loving girl out there. I just think that sometimes something that happens in my life might look a little bit like something going on in someone else's life. And if I write about my experience, maybe, just maybe, it will help that someone, even a little bit. Also, there are things and times in my life that God has just been abundant, awesome, amazing, patient, caring, convicting, loving, comforting, insistent, amusing, gentle, firm, and always over-the-top lavish in his treatment of me. I just have to share that kind of stuff!

If you are still visiting me, or receiving my feeds, THANK YOU! I hope to be back to regular posting soon. But in the meantime, please pray as I prepare to start this new chapter in my family's life.

The Stuff You Use

Isn't this just life?? Now, if we can just learn the simple truth of how everything is something God can use in our life, we will be much better off.

Enjoy!


This is the stuff

And in the silence comes a word

I miss my little bloggy corner of the world. It is like I am in my most comfy chair with my blankie and my diet Dr. Pepper chatting with some really great girlfriends about God, life, chocolate and purses.

My life has been a crazy whirlwind of, well, everything. I will give you a quick catch-up.

Kevin has taken off as a 5th grader. His grades have improved, his reading and learning disabilities have taken a decided up-swing, he is becoming slightly more responsible (I say slightly because let's face it, he is a pre-teen boy. I only expect so much!), and is still finding his own in the sports arena. For the last three months it has been basketball. I have discovered that it is not only football where I am "that Mom". Yes, I am "that Mom" for basketball too. I went on YouTube and taught myself how to set a pick, box out and what the positions on the court are supposed to be doing. So I could coach more effectively from the stands. Yes, it went over as well as you would expect. He completely ignores me. Oh well, I am having a blast watching him play.

Somehow a thirteen year old girl is living in my three year old daughter's body. She never sits, never quits talking, has hormone swings every twenty minutes and I devastate her whole world if I won't let her wear a dress to play around the house or wear her fancy Sunday dress that Grandma made her to bed. She will cook in her kitchen, craft at the table for hours and bounce like a bouncy ball during her weekly tumbling class. She asks to go to church every day, loves her best friend and basically thinks she rules the world. The best part, though, is when she cuddles up with me on the couch with stack of books and we just read until we both are not able to keep our eyes open any longer.

Bob and I went to a marriage conference that was generously provided by our church family. I highly recommend " A Weekend To Remember" for anyone who is married. Happily, desperately, hopelessly. It doesn't matter. You will walk out with a fresh, inspired perspective on yourself, your spouse, your marriage and as a parent. Anyway, neither Bob nor I like to talk about the important stuff with each other. We are now like that awkward couple you see in the comedies that have gone to marriage counselling and now use the "communication tools".

"It sounds like you are saying _____________. Is that what you intended to say or am I misinterpreting your meaning."

"It really hurts my feelings when you _________________. I know you don't intend to hurt my feelings and I will make an effort to understand you did not mean it the way I took it."

Awkward.

But it works.

I have been traveling through this most amazing journey that started with Lysa TerKeurst's Made to Crave. I have found a certain level of confidence in who I am in God. I truly do trust that I am beautiful. Now, not to say that if I look I wouldn't find some things that I would like to change about my appearance, but the key is, I no longer go looking for them. I can look in the mirror and love my spunky haircut, my eyes, and my smile. I look past the parts that aren't as thin as I would like to the fact that God has provided me with clothing that compliment me and are comfortable. I feel good in what I wear. I feel comfortable in the skin God put me in. I see the woman that loves Jesus desperately, that is serving in her strengths and at the end of the day, feels like she accomplished something, even if it was small in the grand scheme of things.

Do I still struggle with things? YES! Just tonight in our ladies Bible study God showed me two areas of my life that are spiritual deserts. I had never noticed my lack of faith over these two things because my faith in God is so strong in others. I always wondered how I could believe for the good that God wants for my life, and even that He is willing to work these changes in me, but for some reason I just couldn't get out of God's way. Now I know. I don't see this being an easy time ahead. It never is when God is demanding control and I am unwilling to give it up, even though I know it is what is best for me.

I am unsure what my future looks like. Abby will be entering Pre-K next fall, Kevin will be in junior high, and I will be entering a new season of motherhood. What does that mean? I don't have a clue.

I will begin teaching in our children's ministry next month. I am very excited. And scared. I might be all they see of Jesus in a week. I need to make sure it is the right reflection. Jesus. Not me.

God is showing me new ways to serve and lead in our women's ministry and worship arts. Things that I have never considered before. Artistic ways. Very personal ways. It might seem like all forms of worship are easy for me, as much as I love to praise God, but I am just like everyone else. It is hard to stand before others and be raw and honest in my worship; shutting out the world and worshipping God alone, while still trying to lead others to that place of raw honesty as well. What uncomfortable place will God call me to next? I don't know. I just know I hope I will, with shaky voice and twisted stomach, say "yes" to whatever He asks of me.

I am by no means where God is taking me, but I am on a journey that is an exciting ride. I miss my bloggy world. I wish I had time (and energy) to visit every day. I miss putting into written word the things God shows me when I take the time to look and listen to His voice. I hope to once again post with regularity, but this season of my life is busy. I can't guarantee anything, but I can tell you that when I do have time to post, it will be about what God is doing in my life. The pretty and the painful.