So my perception was a little off

Once I decided to be a stay at home mom I thought that this would be my days:

• Get up and do a long devotion and study time.
• Get fully dressed, including hair and make up
• Gently wake my precious children with smiles and happiness
• Make a nutritious home-cooked breakfast
• Write a witty blog post that will encourage and lead others
• fill the day with fun, easy-going family activities, learning opportunities and restfulness
• Welcome home my White Knight with his favorite dinners and a sparkling clean home
• End the day with a quiet devotion and the sense that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and the satisfaction of being a stay at home mom.

During the school year I would also patiently help my son with his homework, bake cookies for my daughter's class and be the perfect sports and room mom.

You know, The Proverbs 31 woman for the year 2012.

Bahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

I have discovered that to be THAT woman I need to be a different woman! One that God has not either a: made me to be or b: started working in me to be. I have spent the last year being more disappointed in myself and my abilities than anything else.

Why in the world did I think I could be the P31 mom to perfection?

This summer I was more the crazy, unfocused, unorganized, scattered and stressed mom. But as the summer went along, and I got more focused about talking to and with God, and getting intentional about studying to better myself through God's Word I learned some things.  See if any of these sound familiar, or maybe something will let you take a deep breath and let some things go.

You can't be what God hasn't made you to be, but you can try to be a better you every day.

More often than not, I am going to screw up at some point each day. I will forget something, lose my temper, forget my priorities etc. God is really awesome about getting me back on track and helping me make amends where I need to, so there is no need to carry around the less-than-perfect mommy guilt. His mercies are new every morning.  Let. It. Go.

A clean house isn't an indication of my abilities as a mother. My children are. I learned that if my kids have clean clothes to wear and clean dishes to eat off of, then the rest can wait.

When my daughter tells me I am the best mom in the world, instead of feeling sorry for her that she has no better frame of reference, I can now honestly be thankful that I filled her love tank and I can also know that maybe, just maybe, today I earned an "atta girl" from my Heavenly Father as well.

Four short devotions, done with complete attention for 5-10 minutes throughout the day will help me stay focused on what is truly important as well as, if not better than, one long session in the morning. If I only get three pages of a study done, but I really think about those three pages for the rest of the day, I am growing and learning. It's not how much, but how deep.

Praying sounds more like day-long off and on conversations, muttering and exclamations these days, but God really really likes to hear from me whenever, wherever.

I will have so much time to blog when my kids are grown and gone. I miss being here more regularly and I hope to get back to my two a week postings soon, but watching my son play football, planting flowers with my daughter, and doing home repair and improvement projects with my White Knight, well those need to be done while I still have the opportunity to do them. Time flies away unnoticed all too often. I am trying to be here (in the moment with my family) which means sometimes I can't be here (blogging).

So what I thought being a stay at home mom would be like isn't anywhere close to what actually is. For me anyway. But I am getting more and more OK with that every day.

Teaching little birds to fly

When did I become the authority on everything?

As I was on a walk today, I was praying for my son, and I heard a little voice telling me to be quiet sometimes. 

The more I thought about it, the more I realized, I tend, completely on accident, to present myself as the ultimate authority on many things to my son. 

I give him laundry lists of dos, don'ts, shoulds, shouldn'ts, try this, don't try that, be aware of this and don't even think about considering this!

As he enters his teen years, I have been asking myself more, "What decisions, good and bad, are right around the corner for him"? Have I been preparing him to discern for himself how to make the wise choice, or have I crippled him into believing that he needs someone to point out the answer?

Constantly I hear "I know" when I tell him something. I have been annoyed by it, thinking, "No, you don't know, that is why I am telling you." But now I wonder, does he know and I am just not allowing him to express things in his own way? Have I been frustrating him by assuming since he doesn't respond the same way I do that he is unprepared for his stage in life? Am I steamrolling his self-confidence by trying to mother too much?

I had an image of a  Momma bird, wing tucked tight to her body, holding her baby chick tight against herself under the protection of her feathers.The only problem is, if we are that Momma bird, we generally don't pay attention to what happens next. We are happy and content with providing complete shelter for our baby. We don't want to take the next step. But here is what has to happen:

For that Momma bird, as her baby bird grows, she loosens her hold. She watches but doesn't control as he stretches his wings, safe inside the nest. She observes and trains but doesn't stop him as he flaps around, testing his strength. She provides support and nourishes him until that one day. The day that definitely is his day. The day he needs to fly. 

Does she grab him close? Does she tuck him under that wing? 

No. 

She watches, and if he takes too long, she nudges, shoos and pushes until he takes off and flies on his own. 

I am in the flapping around, testing his strength phase. If I don't allow him to do things on his own, he won't ever be strong enough when it is his time to fly. 

We have all seen baby birds on the ground. The are flapping around, trying to fly, and there isn't a Momma bird around. 

Or is there?

When we see that baby bird, we wonder why the Momma isn't there helping them, getting them going, keeping the world away until they are ready to try again. (Usually they are close by. We don't see them, but they are almost always there.)

I think that Momma bird knows something we need to remember. For our children to be strong enough to fly solo, they need to be able fall. And when they fall, they have to figure out how to find the strength to get back up and try again. On their own. To try harder, or try something else. Sometimes we need to let them see some of the dangers in our world, because if they try to jump out of the nest and fly without all the training, the practice and the falls, without being aware that threats exist, then they will be totally unprepared to make it against the bigger threats to come.

As a parent, I have to nudge my son toward the real world. If I continue to solve every problem, shield him from every struggle, pain, and consequence, he will be completely unprepared to fly. 

I am not saying we need to throw them over the side with a good luck and good bye, but taking a long, hard look at the concept of over-protecting might be in order. 

I know, I KNOW! We don't want our babies to hurt, to struggle, to have to deal with consequences. It hurts our Momma hearts. But to grow strong, healthy, able adults, we need to allow some of the real world in, a little at a time, under our supervision, while we can still help, guide and train.

As tomorrow is Mother's Day, I am going to do my best to start letting my little bird (who is NOT so little) show me what he can do. I am going to let him stretch his wings a little more often, and I am going to let him see over the edge of that nest. Only five short years until he will be considered an "adult" by the world standards, and definitely by his. That's not much time to train him into all he will need to know to fly. 

Let the nudging begin!

Parenting BEYOND your capacity

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."2 Corinthians 12:9

After school is my favorite time of day. I love it when the door flies open and the kids come in chatting about their day, showing me things and settling in after a hard day. 

Yesterday I had laid out several snack options on the counter for them to choose from. They got their snack, started homework and after-school activities, and I didn't get the other snack options put away as quickly as I normally would. I went into the kitchen later and discovered they were all gone. Both kids swore up, down and side-ways that they hadn't touched them. Since the dog can't open the packages by herself and the cat refuses anything that doesn't have the words "seafood feast" on it, I was pretty sure it had to be one of them. They both stubbornly refused to admit to taking the extra snacks. Finally, frustrated and truthfully, really disappointed that the guilty party would allow their sibling to get in trouble too, I gave the same punishment to both. Fair? I guess. It is a hard call to make when you know one is innocent, but the guilty party just won't back down.

This situation really got me to thinking how wearing parenting can be. All day long there are little choices, little decisions that we have to make. Teachable moments are all around and opportunities come along where you have to decide, show grace or teach that decisions have consequences. It is enough to have any parent running for the hills. You want to be the safe parent who they can turn to with any mistake or bad judgement call, but you also have to be the one that teaches discipline, humility, putting others first and self-control. When those things aren't shown, you become teacher, guide and disciplinarian. How do you decide which situation gets what response? Where is the hand-book??!


While it might not be a handbook, I have found a book that really helps when it comes to those times you want to just throw your hands up and beg God to "take them back, PLEASE!"

This book is called "Parenting Beyond Your Capacity" by Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof. 

Now, hear me out! It isn't another one of those books that makes you feel like a failure because you have missed a thousand opportunities, nor is it chocked full of statements that are designed to make you feel overwhelmed with all the things you need to start doing RIGHT NOW to win the heart of your child and grow a productive and valuable member of society. 

This book actually tells you that you CAN NOT do it alone! You are not expected to be perfect, you weren't MADE to be a one-person, child-rearing genius, and that there IS a plan to help you get on track, to help you make some of those hard-call decisions.

Following are a few quotes from the book that really spoke to me. 

"Being a good parent is hard, and in the short term there is not a whole lot of glory attached to it. You can't coast through it. It is intentional.  Anybody can have a child; being a good parent takes work and prayer."

Thank you for telling me I am not the only one that feels parenting is hard! So many people make it look so easy! Sometimes I wonder what it is that everyone else gets that I seem to be totally missing!

"I can promise that even for the most intentional parents, there will be nights when all you can do is fold your hands and cry, "God, help me!" I imagine God hears that and thinks, "I thought you'd never ask!"  You will make plenty of mistakes, and that's okay. Mistakes are often opportunities to show your children not only your fragile humanity but also the way you respond to failure."

What a great reminder that I am NOT alone in this. Not only that, but there is actually someone that knows my children better than I do, that has a plan for them, and that WANTS to be involved. It also reminded me that it is OK to not be the perfect parent, but that I need to admit it and rectify it, where my children can see, and often to them directly. I forget that simply my example to them is the teacher they learn from most, not the words I say.

"Too many of us buy into the myth that we need to become the right kind of parent before God can use us. In reality, God is longing to tell His story through our imperfections and brokenness....Rather than painting a picture of a perfect family, God wants to use family as a canvas for His redemptive story.  He wants to use the family to show us what it means to have an authentic, everyday faith with a God who redeems and restores broken people."

Sometimes as parents we forget that it really isn't about us. We forget that we have a role to play, that the story isn't starring us. It is all about God. Wow! Doesn't that take the pressure off?! 

This thing of parenting isn't about "getting it right", it is about letting God be God in our lives, in our children's lives, and in the very middle of this crazy, messy, imperfect family. Sounds kinda like the verse from above, doesn't it? 

More to come from this great book later, but I just had to let you know, if you are struggling with some of these same things, that not only are you not alone, you were designed to have amazing help through this thing we call parenting! 

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."Isaiah 41:10

You don't have to learn it the hard way

One of my main motivators that moved me into the realm of full-time Mom is my son's education and soon, my daughter's.

Learning disabilities come in all shapes, sizes, and degrees. My son's issues are not major, but because he has more than one, it makes reading and sequencing very difficult, and because his issues ARE different, it means we have to come up with more than one way to work out any one thing. Intellectually he is just like everyone else his age, but formal learning and reading are harder for him than anyone really realizes. It can be overwhelming and frustrating. And that's just for us as his parents. For him it is a constant struggle. It's a de-motivator. It's sometimes embarrassing. It's not something that we can see an end to, so sometimes the "what's the point?" attitude rears it's ugly head.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart 

and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways

submit to him and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5,6

I have recently admitted that I am pretty angry with God that he has not seen fit move Kevin past this issue, that he is allowing the struggle to continue. God is OK with that. He has shown me that part of his plan for Kevin is for me to be more a presence in Kevin's education. This is outside my comfort zone in a huge way. Learning, especially reading, has always come very easily for me, so I sometimes can't understand how Kevin can't get it. But he really can't. And God needs me to learn to be on his side and learning accommodations for him so that he can feel safe not getting it, and not be embarrassed in the process of learning it.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

God is also working out in me that this is Kevin's struggle to grow through, I am on the sidelines. My struggle is to let him go through this, grow through it and let him and God work it out. As a Mom, I want to fix the problem. God wants me to step out of the way and let them work this thing out. I am only playing a supporting role in this one. God knows my babies. More than I ever will. He loves my children. More than I will ever comprehend. To want the best for my children is to want them to turn to God and know Him as intimately as possible. To give the best to my children is to sometimes step back and let them stumble through on their own. After all, they are never, never alone, are they?

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3:16-21

Finally, God is showing me that it is my job to equip myself to support and help Kevin as needed, but the most important thing I can do is seek God's will. How often do I focus in and pray for specific things to get us through this project or that paper, when I need to broaden my prayer? God wants us to pray the big prayers. Ask for things that seem impossible to us. Ask God to move in ways that aren't only impossible for us to believe, but to move even beyond that and do something so huge, so amazing, that we are left standing with our mouths hanging open, hands raised and tears streaming over the fact that God is THAT BIG.

Below are a few resources that are very encouraging. Education and knowing how to learn are so important, but we need to use these things as a secondary line of attack. Turning to God first will ultimately be what helps our children succeed. And if you have kids that need extra help, don't go it alone! Find support!

Equipping Kids for Life-Long Learning (The article contains great practical reminders. I haven't read the book yet, but it is on my to-buy list!)

The Way They Learn ( I had several of Kevin's teachers read this book. They loved it and it truly opened my eyes to how amazing my kid is. And completely opposite of me!)

Every Child Can Succeed (sometimes just reading the title was enough to make me get back in the fight. Yes, he CAN succeed.)

Apples 4 the Teacher (this sight is a gold-mine of things to help those that are struggling to read!!)

Your church.

And if you have teachers or resource/special ed teachers anywhere in your circle, USE THEM! I would have been lost without the vital inside knowledge I got about IEPs, questions to ask and key words to use in conversations. I also have gotten amazing support and encouragement from parents that have traveled the road ahead of me. They smoothed out some bumps, filled in some pot-holes and generally ran along side me cheering me on and reminding me that in the school system, I HAVE to fight for him. And I plan on keeping my cheerleaders until Abby is through school. 

Nurture

To feed and protect; to support and encourage, 

as during the period of training or development; 

foster; to bring up; train; educate

These definitions of nurture might, at first glance, seem to be ordinary words that are held together by the strings of information and development. They seem to be good applications and suggestions on how to develop something into its fullness.

When placed in the context of raising up the next generation, the definitions become almost overwhelmingly terrifying in their weight.

The decision to become a stay at home mom was not made lightly. My main goal was to become more of a presence and influence in my children's lives. But when you really dig into the meaning of what a mother does, it becomes a scary weight that can become overwhelming when you look at it as a whole. Panic can set in if your focus is off, even the tiniest little bit.

Nurture. The definition is there in black and white. But how do I do it?

"Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without criticizing, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith without doubting. For the doubter is like the surging sea, driven and tossed by the wind."

James 3:5-6

There is so much that my children need to know, to learn, to experience. If I forget, even for a moment, where my strengths, abilities and passions come from, I will not be able to do this thing. This thing of mothering. Every time I forget to turn to my Father for guidance, I will have dropped the ball.

God will never make fun of me for anything. No matter what it is, he will never think me stupid, or ill-equipped. He will never tell me to figure it out myself, although he may make me work it out myself. But, he will still be there every step of the way. He wants to help me and lead me through everything. He just wants me to be humble enough to ask. And have faith in Him to answer, every time.

Somehow the idea of blundering along, going my own way, loses its appeal when I consider what I am doing this for.

My children.

That makes this life-and-death serious. Eternity serious.

I will get enough things wrong along the way; my prayer is that pride will not add to the list because I didn't humble myself to ask for help and guidance first.

These are my first steps on a new journey.

Linky-Linky Loo-Pa-Looza!

These are some of my web-surfing stops. Hope you enjoy!!!!
Interactive for Toddlers:

Game Goo

Primary Games

Preschool Academy

StoryPlace

KneeBouncers

HomeManagement:

Working Moms

FOTF Chore Articles

Gift Guide

Pet Guide

Recipes and Menu Planning:

Healthy Recipes and Menu Planning (This is my friend April's blog!)

A Taste of Home

Kraft Foods

Personal and Spiritual Refreshing for YOU:

Hearts at Home

Lysa Terkeurst

(In)Courage

Proverbs 31

Mommy Rhapsody

This is FUNNY! I love it, and if you are "just a mom" you will love it too!




Go visit Amy at Signs, Miracles and Wonders for more great music for your weekend!

Love & Laundry

As soon as I heard this song I knew I had to post it. I am pretty sure they followed me around with cameras and microphones for a few weeks. Lyrics are below the video. ENJOY!

Here I go again it’s another messy morning
Walk around the clothes that are covering the floor and
Take my kiss and coffee to go
Then put on my mascara while I’m driving down the road
I thought that I could do it all
Turns out I was crazy
Man I need an iPhone and a cleaning lady
We haven’t had a date night in what seems like forever
It might take a miracle to get myself together

Chorus:
Oh I wish that there were more than
24 hours in a day
I haven’t found it yet but there’s gotta be a way
And I keep praying that
I can get everything done
And still have time for love
And a load of laundry

I’d sure like to relax laying in a bubble bath
But then I’d have to clean the tub and really who’s got time for that
There goes my day dream I’m just wishful thinking
Oh shoot I’m running late, I gotta make it to a meeting

I’ve been waiting for this moment all day, just you and me
The lights are low, next thing I know
We’re both drifting off to sleep

Head over to Amy's for more songs to tap your toe by.

Here I go/ There I go

I think I just passed myself walking down the hall.

Have you ever felt like that?  There is the Mom-me, Wife-me, Employee-me, Home CEO-me, Ministry worker-me, Trying to do some type of Bible study-me, Friend-me; Can I just say all of us are a little tired?

I miss blogging so much! I love to just open my computer, pull up a blank screen and see what I get. Sometimes it makes no sense and I just delete it once I get it all out. Other times I feel like God really had something great for me to share, so I stick it on here. And sometimes, I just like to ramble, have fun, or post a song or video that I am loving at the moment. It's my brain dump.

Well, I haven't gotten to visit the blank-page therapy room lately.  Between work, being a mom and wife and trying to be better about spending time in the Word (still not consistant on that one), and trying to be a friend, I have been feeling spread a little thin. Oh, and did I mention I am apparently trying to single-handedly lead half the ministries in my church (not really, but some days it feels that way!)

About a year ago, I really felt pulled to start a First Place group at my church. I didn't want to lead it alone (it looked really intense work-wise) so I thought I would join one and go through a session before bringing it to my home church. Well, it fell through and I didn't get to go, but I did find out one of my friends in my church had felt led to start a First Place group as well. So, starting about three months ago, we began the process of developing this ministry for the women in our church. We are scheduled to begin in January 2010.  This has been hard for me. I get an idea, flesh it out, and then am ready to implement it and move on quickly. All this planning and such has been driving me crazy...but I am pretty sure God is using this to refine me and teach me patience and the blessing of being prepared.

Then, about 6 weeks ago, our youth pastor announced he was leaving the church. Bob and I have been the only other adults that have served faithfully for the last 3 years, so the leadership of the youth group just sort of transfered to us.  We have spent the last weeks getting speakers, setting curriculum, planning activities and starting the process for camp in the summer. We also lead small groups for Sunday school, so we study for that, as well as making sure that we have people lined up and prepared to use our curriculum for Wednesday night youth group. Adminstrating a youth ministry is a full time job. I am driving to the church on my lunch hour. I am not complaining. Just stating what my day is like.

Finally, I am a full time volunteer in our women's ministry. Because of the other things going right now, I don't have time to serve as I feel called to serve, but I know God is patient and preparing the way for me to step into that role later, when staff is in place in our church. I know I will be leading a women's Sunday morning Bible study group, but not right now. I really enjoy planning and executing events for the women in our church, and love knowing that women will have a chance to get to know Jesus just a little (or a lot) better through our ministry.

Bob and I have made a priority of spending a night together every week, so we signed up for ballroom dance classes with some friends of ours. We just finished our first session and have a break until January. It is so much fun and it is a dedicated "us" night every week.

I have also been horribly neglecting my own personal growth through Scripture. I have spent all my time studying to be prepared to lead/teach, and not spending any time growing myself. I have signed up for a Beth Moore Bible study to begin in December and run through until January. It is good to study the Bible in order to help someone else grow, we should all do it, but not at the cost of allowing God time to communicate with us in our own intimate relationship with Him.

Abby is in full-on crazy 2's. She isn't terrible, just uh.... fickle. I have never been so entertained or enraptured with the wonder of life as I am when I am with her and I get to try to see the world through her 2 year old eyes.

Kevin is going through a rough period now as well. With so much change and unpredictable-ness around him, he has really been struggling. We are dedicating more time to helping him with and through all that is going on around him. At the age of 10, boys are in a sticky spot. They are feeling more of the protector, fix-it, handle-it drive of man-hood, but still struggling with the knowledge that there isn't alot in their power that they can do about it. It is horrible frustrating for him. I am starting to get a glimpse of some of the things we will deal with as he is a tween, things I had no idea would be coming. I have to admit I feel a little like a duck-out-of-water with him. I just don't GET most of it. I want to, it just isn't something that makes sense to me. Thank God for my dear sweet husband, who I know will lead him well through this time.

We also are trying to have friends! In all the busy-ness of life, the blessing of friends often gets shoved to second, third, or even further down the priorty list. We are making an effort to pour into those we love, and those we want to know better.

Finally, the holidays are here!!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas. It is my favorite season of all, and I try to soak up every drop of it before the new year gets here. I have moments of sadness. This was my mom's favorite time of year as well, and we shared so much every year. It is the time I miss her most, especially now that we have Abby, whom she never got to see.

As if that all isn't enough, I still have things that I am struggling to get through, things that I refuse to let go of, and things that God has firmly stamped "wait and see". All of these things adds up to blogging on the back burner. I wish it wasn't what I have to do, but it is. For this season. I am praying that it is a SHORT season. I pray with 100% confidence that our church will have an amazing pastor placed there soon, and that he will put into place amazing staff that will love and serve our community with a heart, hands and feet of Jesus.

I have titled this season of my life "Here I go/There I go" for obvious reasons. The easy thing about it is, I am at peace knowing it is just a season.  I have faith that God will bless all the calendar checking, life balancing and saying no to things that I really want to do. I have faith that this is a very short time in the span of God's plan, and if the Isrealites made it through 40 years in the desert, I should handle this season with grace and trust.

I am not doing too bad, either.

Most days.

;)

Brain Dump

Sometimes I need to just have a little clutter clearing in the thought process.

Here goes...

It's sad when the only expectations you have are negative. It's even sadder when those expectations are met. It's easy to be disappointed in people if you have expectations of them. It's better to just not expect anything.

Times of change and uncertainty just don't bother me. I am in a season of uncertainty and I am not bothered. I know that I am exactly where God wants me, doing what he desires for me. God has made himself apparent in many ways, and I have been affirmed that I am on the right path. It isn't necessarily the path I would have chosen, or maybe the scenery is unexpected is a better way of putting it, but I am excited to see where it will lead.

I have discovered some new friendships. It is nice to have people around you that love God and like to just hang out. They don't have agendas or ulterior motives, they just want to serve God and study his word, and do it with his people. I like that.

I have been having really great times of worship. Not in church, but in my heart.

The seasons changing makes me love God all over again. His creativity, artistry and generosity are abounding.

Autumn is my favorite season.

I watched Abby play daycare yesterday. She fed all of her babies before putting them down for naps on their own pallets. She shushed me and her dad. All I could think of was how much my heart hurt from just pure happiness with my life.

Today, she danced around her room and sang along with her CD. Oh to have that abandon and joy for whatever task I am doing.

Kevin needs more physical outlets. I saw this tonight as he was wrestling with my brother, I realized that he has so much energy contained, that it's no wonder he can't concentrate on anything. I am thinking of Te kwon do. Exercise, discipline and respect for authority. Can't go wrong with that combo.

Bob and I are planning our first true vacation. We are looking at taking a cruise. WE are planning to drive down to Florida as part of the trip. I have never been to Florida, I have never seen the ocean, which naturally leads to the fact I have never been on a cruise. I am so excited that I will be getting rid of so many "nevers" in just a few months!

I just ordered a new Bible study on overcoming fear. Oh, did I mention I am terrified of new places and going where I have never been? I guess this will be a never I can get past too!

We have already started Christmas shopping! Never have we gotten this big a start!

We are making great strides on becoming debt free! God has been so good with us and to us! (We love Dave Ramsey!)

My new favorite verse is Luke 1:45:

"Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"

How amazing!

I just had the best cup of hot cocoa. Half dark chocolate, half milk chocolate.

Thank you for joining me for my brain dump.

Complete

Do you remember as a child that there were days that were so complete that you couldn't fathom how life could get better. You played so hard and so long that you were so exhausted your feet felt like lead weights and you body just wouldn't work anymore?

I had the honor and joy of spending the day with my kids last Saturday and we savored every second of it. We went to the State Fair and, although I loved spending time with Kevin and seeing him have fun, I got so much joy by watching Abby experiencing her first fair. She was so exhausted that she barely made it past the fairgrounds on the way home before she was out like a light.

I love the knowledge that I got to be a part of one of those days from childhood that just felt complete, and you couldn't have imagined anything better.

Head on over to Chatting at the Sky for more profoundly normal moments.

State Fair Day

Today we spent the day at the state fair.

I have to admit, It was fun. We looked at exhibits, saw some live stock, people watched, had fun at conservation world, and the big hit of the day...DOGS!

As soon as we walked in the gates there was a dock dog competition going on. There was a stage that was the "dock", and the dogs would run down it and jump into a huge splash pool chasing a toy. We all watched for quite a while.

Later in the day, in Conservation World, we stumbled upon a Jump! dog show. Of course I forgot my camera today, so I didn't get to get many pictures, and none of the dogs, although they were the hands down favorite thing of the day for both kids.

We were going to take Kevin to the midway and let him ride some rides, but it will be cheaper to take all four of us to Six Flags! He was OK with not riding anything. It was the end of the day and we were all tired of being on our feet and ready to head home.

Although I did forget my camera, I caught a couple fair images on my phone that I wanted to share.

Ahhhh, sweet home-made fudge! I managed to get past with only a picture to sustain me.

No trip to the state fair is complete without checking out the butter cow. This year the artist (s?) really out-did themselves by including Abraham Lincoln reading a book while leaning against a log, a couple woodland animals, a couple of butterflies (I didn't get them in the picture!) and of course, the cow.

Waiting for the JUMP! dog show to start

People watching

All wore out and heading home.

I am so bummed! I was waiting to get a couple pics of Kevin on the rides, then we didn't end up doing rides! He really was there and we had a great day!

Denial and crying for a little while

My baby just turned 10. At 12:46am he became a kid with a double digit age.

He has friends staying the night, so I was nice. I called him in the other room to do my fun little "at exactly this time 10 years ago..." story.

He is not supposed to be in the pre-teen double digits.

He is supposed to still be playing with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and taking a nap in the middle of the day.

He is supposed to still be a cute little thing that wants to do nothing more than take care of Mommy.

He is not supposed to be playing baseball (and impressing the stink outta me as catcher) and getting ready to head into the 4th grade.

He is not supposed to be doing fearless dives off the high dive at the pool. Running the board, stomping the jump, soaring away....tuck in the head, arms and legs straight, cutting the surface with hardly a splash. I am amazed by his fearlessness and natural ability.

He's not supposed to be giving his dad as good as he gets in a paintball war.

He is not supposed to take off on his own and go to his friends house without me holding his hand to go across the road.

He is not supposed to be only 8 inches shorter than I am.
I keep trying to deny that time is passing, but it is just not playing along. It just keeps marching.

Tick. Tock.

Flip the calendar page and on it goes.

Tick. Tock.

My kiddo isn't a little kid anymore. My Little Man is almost as tall as I am, and we only have a few short years left where I am the only woman that he wants to hug him.

If you will excuse me now, I am going to go cry for a little while.

Front Porch Sittin'

My new bloggy friend Lynette has started a fun little party over at her blog. It is just a good way to meet people and find new blogs to visit.

She talks about knowing your Friends and how women used to sit on the front porch just sharing life together. You know, there is so much truth in that. Growing up, I can remember my mom sitting over at our neighbors house. We used to stop next door on our way home (if Mom was there visiting) and be put to work, usually shelling beans or sweeping the front porch. Front porches were just as much a part of our friendship culture growing up as the kitchen table.

So, when I saw this invitation, I just had to join in. the whole purpose is just to tell "10 charming, interesting, fun things about you", just to get to know each other. Sounds fun!

(No, not my porch, but a girl can dream can't she?)

Here are my 10 things you wanted (or didn't but will anyway) to know about me.

• I grew up in Southwest Arkansas. I still consider myself a southern girl, with all the genteel-ness that is implied. Sipping sweet tea, owning a crystal deviled egg serving dish, saying Ma'am and Sir and having doors opened for me are a natural and expected part of a southern girls life. Every time I have the chance to head south, I get so excited. There is a different atmosphere and pace to life in The South, and I truly miss it.
• I devour books like chocolate. I never have less than two or three that I am working my way through at any given time. I keep a fun fiction book for my bath-time. I keep something that challenges me to place God deeper in my life in some way (marriage, parenting, personal growth, finances), a Bible study. Sometimes I overlap, sometimes I speed through one and neglect the others. I am pretty sure I would wither away without reading.
• Decorating my life is a passionate hobby. My home, my yard, scrap booking, cooking, crafting; the list goes on and on. I love to find ways to let my creative side out, although rarely does the finished product look anywhere near as beautiful as it does in my head.
• I love my son and I enjoy him and watching him grow up as been a pleasure and an honor (remind me I said that when he hits the teen years!!) but there is something about my daughter that connects with me and keeps me a gooey, in-love mess. (remind me I said that when she hits the teen years!!). I always thought that it was just Daddys that were wrapped around little girls fingers, but no, Mommys fit just fine too.
• I watch waaaay too much TV. I adore quirky shows. My favorite TV show is Chuck. Or is it Fringe? Wait, no, it is definitely Dancing with the Stars. And the Bachelor. And Bachelorette. And Bones. And House. I can't forget Biggest Loser or NCIS. Thank goodness I am a confirmed Night Owl and there are tons of shows on line. It is actually the middle of the night when I watch the majority of shows.
• I love meeting new people and experiencing new things, but I am absolutely terrified of having to go to a place I have never been. I don't know if it is the fear of getting lost, of looking like I don't have it all together, or the uncertainty of going a new path, or even a combination of all of those. I have tried over and over to get past it and still struggle with it.
• I can listen to music 24/7/365. It is the ultimate way for me to connect with God and praise him. I am listening to music right now. (You Belong to Me by Grey Holiday if you want to find them and check them out!)
• I am a sympathy crier. If I see tears in someones eyes, hear that little quiver in their voice or even if I imagine that they are close to crying, my waterworks kick into high gear. I also cry at any and every Hallmark commercial, The old Christmas commercial for Folgers where the little girl comes down the stairs and finds her brother home for Christmas ("Peter!") , great songs, movies, books (The Last Valentine took me three hours to read the last three chapters. I had to keep stopping to let my vision clear from the torrent of tears), and finally, I have seen this movie about 20 times and still sob like I am unbalanced when Shadow appears)
• I don't know how to sleep without my cat. I have had one since I was 7.
• When I go to the zoo (and I mean every.time.we.go) I pretend to be the Crocodile Hunter when we get next to the croc display. I do the voice, I crouch down and "sneak up" on my prey, I make up completely ridiculous facts and generally run my family off. It is so much fun!!

Now, Go see Lynette and post your own list!

Update on the room makeover

Ok, so I didn't get the "before" pictures of Kevin's room before Bob had gutted it and started some work on the walls. We will not be able to do a late night work session tonight because A: I was up most of the night with the toddler cutting two molars so I am exhausted and 2: we are scheduled for a power outage between the hours of 11pm and 4am. I will get some pictures tomorrow before we get any of the major work going.

We did get the bedding and bath linens today, as well as a mirror with the exact blue of the bedding for the trim. I was so excited!

I might miss him a little bit. Ya, just a little.

Day of departure...

Is it totally awful that I am not really sad that my kiddo is heading out for a week at camp? I am actually looking forward to a half-rest week (only half because we DO still have that other little punkin runnin' around).

Stay tuned for the soon-to-follow post about me missing my baby and how I can't stand him being gone. (but it won't be coming today! :)

Summer Camp!

Well, tomorrow morning at 7:15 we will load our kiddo up to leave us for his first year at camp. It is 6 hours away and I am a little nervous about him going so far away, but I am being a good mom and not freaking out (too much!)



He is all packed, his lunch is ready, I am baking cookies for them to have the first night at camp, and I am going to pray for God to just blow Kevin away this week! He will be super busy with learning new things, great music, Bible knowledge and just plain 'ol kid fun. I am so excited for him!



While the cat's away, the cat's parents will play. We will be undergoing a week-long surprise makeover of his room. He will have a skater themed room upon his return, complete with a chain-link wall and some authentic road signs and even a working stop light. He will have a "gaming " area, as well as new bedding, paint and miscellaneous. We found some Tony Hawk bedding at Wal-Mart that sparked the idea. (He LOVES Tony Hawk)



If I can get my stuff together and be somewhat organized, I will take pictures to post here later. :)

Thursday 3some ~ Walk This Way

A three word phrase, divided into thirds, then expounded upon.

This week's phrase:

WALK:

How funny.

I was just rocking Abby back to sleep and thinking of all the little things that I don't want to ever forget, but know I will.

The sound of the wood on the rocker creaking as I listen to her even breathing, telling me that it's safe to put her to bed, even though I know I won't. At least for another precious minute.

The way her face lights up when I walk in after being gone, even if it is just for an hour.

The sound of "mommy!" from her sweet little voice, even after the 400th time that day, it still makes me feel so humble.

The way it sounds when her little feet are walking.

She loves shoes, but she really, really loves shoes that make noise when she walks. She will stomp her feet, jump up and down, run, walk and tap her little feet to see what noise she can make. When was the last time that I took such abandoned delight in something so simple and mundane as walking? I think, when I get ready for work in the morning, I will find the coolest sounding shoes I have and jump up and down, run, walk and tap my feet. There is glory in putting one foot in front of the other.

THIS:

I seem to struggle to focus on "this".

I look at what it was, what it could be, but find it difficult to just accept "this".

It doesn't matter what "this" is. If I can't look at "this" and be grateful for it, instead of wishing it was like it used to be, or how I dream it can be I will never find contentment and be able to glorify God for ALL that he provides me.

WAY:

(dictionary.com has 22 definitions for "way". I am choosing to go with #18: a course of life, action, or experience)

Often I wish that I had a manual, or guidebook, on how to get through things, to fix things, to be a better parent, to communicate with my spouse, to communicate with my friends, to see things in a better perspective, to be more effective in ministry, and on and on and on it goes.

You may be thinking the obvious: "You do have a manual for those things. The Bible."

I agree. To an extent. The Bible shows us what we are supposed to be, the goals we are to have and what is expected of us; but am I the only one that feels God could have elaborated on the How-To section?

Example: I know I am supposed to submit to my husband as to the Lord (Ephesians 5:24) but when I am really struggling and fighting an inner war with this, how do I?

Sometimes the only way to find the "way" is by faith. I have learned, and am learning, this the hard way.

I am also a second-guesser. "Did God really mean for me to do this, or is it my own desire that is putting it there?" (usually if I don't want to do it, I know it is from God.It may sound flippant, but it is usually true. The right thing is rarely what we want to do.) But it is that lack of concrete, I read it word-for-word confirmation that I struggle with.

Sometimes faith is the only way to get through. Faith in a strength that is stronger than I am. Faith in a wisdom that is far above mine. Faith in a prayer being heard, even though I am still waiting for an answer. Faith that there really isn't anything too small to take to God. Faith that I will find my way.

For the home of Thursday 3some, click on the graphic above.

Sounds like...

I had never really thought about blogging about things that happened a long time ago...the pre-blog years as it were. But, you don't know about it, so why shouldn't I?

Thanks to DeeDee for giving me this great idea, as well as the most hysterical example! You have to read it here.

The following took place when Kevin was about 5 years old...

Kevin has cousins that are how-ever-many-times removed. They are twin boys named Sonny and Butch. He didn't see them very often so he never learned to tell them apart. To get around this, when he wanted to get one of the boys attention, he would say "SonnyButch", combining the names into one.

One weekend we were at their house and they were all playing together when Kevin fell and hit one of the boys with his mouth... shoving his two top front teeth up into his gums and turning the tissue around them black.

That week we got him in to see a new dentist that specializes in children. When she asked what happened he told her he fell on SonnyButch. Well, when you have the diction and pronunciation of a five year old boy, as well as using a name that you made up, it doesn't really sound like SonnyButch. It sounds more like "Son of a b***h".

Ya. It sounded pretty clear too.

The dentist's head whipped around and she looked at us...then she looked at him again and said "You fell into who?" "SonnyButch" was the reply from my cute little blond-headed child (once again, sounding exactly like Son of a b***h).

It took a few moments for it to sink in...I heard "SonnyButch" because I knew that was what he called them...but if you didn't KNOW the phonetic quirks of the child in question...well, can you blame her? I was immediately mortified and could feel my face turn red. A sure sign of innocence, right?

I than began The Parent Back Peddle.

"He actually IS saying Sonny-Butch", I told her with a forced little laugh. Then I launched into a long and rambly explaination of the story, and then focused on the "can't you see the hilarity" disclaimers. Of course, the situation was funny, but you could tell she was trying to decide if she wanted to believe me or not.

Then, (I do think this is my favorite part), she looked at Kevin and said...

"Is that really what you said?"

That is code for "Is your mommy telling me the truth, or is she really teaching you to speak in profanity with abandon? I'm not sure if I can trust her yet, but you, cute little kid...well, you'll spill it because you are too young to know to lie about something like this."

After my five year old son came to my defense and cleared my name, amazingly enough with a simple head-nod and "uh-huh", she determined the damage and we have been patients of hers ever since.

We also worked with Kevin on using the word "or".

Happy Father's Day!

This week I of course want to honor my husband.

I love that the following video is something that my man takes seriously. He knows that Kevin wants to be just like him, good or bad. I am so proud when my hubby sits down and helps him with him homework, shows him how to mow the yard and how to treat girls, but more importantly, I love that Kevin is learning how to treat women from watching the loving way his dad treats me in the little day-in-day-out ways, that God comes first by seeing his dad on the couch reading the Bible, listening to him pray at night and wanting to serve because he sees his dad serving the people in his life with a humble heart.







My heart just breaks with love to watch Bob with his little princess. It makes me so happy to see her wrap him around her little finger and how he is already teaching her how she should be loved by all those evil boys to come. I love to see his face light up when she comes running up to him when he comes in the door, how he thinks there has never been anything funnier/cuter/more precious/more blessed than the gift of our little girl. I can't wait to see their relationship grow as she becomes a little girl, a young lady, a teen and finally, a woman. We pray that God will do amazing things with her life, and with her Dad setting the standard, I know she will make God proud!



Happy Father's Day honey. I Love You!




Verse 1:
Gotta hold on easy as I let you go.
Gonna tell you how much I love you,
though you think you already know.
I remember I thought you looked like an angel wrapped in pink so soft and warm.
You've had me wrapped around your finger since the day you were born.

Chorus:
Your beautiful baby from the outside in.
Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again.
Go on, take on this whole world.
But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl.

Verse 2:
When you were in trouble that crooked little smile could melt my heart of stone.
Now look at you, I've turned around and you've almost grown.
Sometimes you're asleep I whisper "I Love You!" in the moonlight at your door.
As I walk away, I hear you say, "Daddy Love You More!".

(Repeat Chorus)

Verse 3:
Someday, some boy will come and ask me for your hand.
But I won't say "yes" to him unless I know, he's the half
that makes you whole, he has a poet's soul, and the heart of a man's man.
I know he'll say that he's in love.
But between you and me. He won't be good enough!