I think I just passed myself walking down the hall.
Have you ever felt like that? There is the Mom-me, Wife-me, Employee-me, Home CEO-me, Ministry worker-me, Trying to do some type of Bible study-me, Friend-me; Can I just say all of us are a little tired?
I miss blogging so much! I love to just open my computer, pull up a blank screen and see what I get. Sometimes it makes no sense and I just delete it once I get it all out. Other times I feel like God really had something great for me to share, so I stick it on here. And sometimes, I just like to ramble, have fun, or post a song or video that I am loving at the moment. It's my brain dump.
Well, I haven't gotten to visit the blank-page therapy room lately. Between work, being a mom and wife and trying to be better about spending time in the Word (still not consistant on that one), and trying to be a friend, I have been feeling spread a little thin. Oh, and did I mention I am apparently trying to single-handedly lead half the ministries in my church (not really, but some days it feels that way!)
About a year ago, I really felt pulled to start a First Place group at my church. I didn't want to lead it alone (it looked really intense work-wise) so I thought I would join one and go through a session before bringing it to my home church. Well, it fell through and I didn't get to go, but I did find out one of my friends in my church had felt led to start a First Place group as well. So, starting about three months ago, we began the process of developing this ministry for the women in our church. We are scheduled to begin in January 2010. This has been hard for me. I get an idea, flesh it out, and then am ready to implement it and move on quickly. All this planning and such has been driving me crazy...but I am pretty sure God is using this to refine me and teach me patience and the blessing of being prepared.
Then, about 6 weeks ago, our youth pastor announced he was leaving the church. Bob and I have been the only other adults that have served faithfully for the last 3 years, so the leadership of the youth group just sort of transfered to us. We have spent the last weeks getting speakers, setting curriculum, planning activities and starting the process for camp in the summer. We also lead small groups for Sunday school, so we study for that, as well as making sure that we have people lined up and prepared to use our curriculum for Wednesday night youth group. Adminstrating a youth ministry is a full time job. I am driving to the church on my lunch hour. I am not complaining. Just stating what my day is like.
Finally, I am a full time volunteer in our women's ministry. Because of the other things going right now, I don't have time to serve as I feel called to serve, but I know God is patient and preparing the way for me to step into that role later, when staff is in place in our church. I know I will be leading a women's Sunday morning Bible study group, but not right now. I really enjoy planning and executing events for the women in our church, and love knowing that women will have a chance to get to know Jesus just a little (or a lot) better through our ministry.
Bob and I have made a priority of spending a night together every week, so we signed up for ballroom dance classes with some friends of ours. We just finished our first session and have a break until January. It is so much fun and it is a dedicated "us" night every week.
I have also been horribly neglecting my own personal growth through Scripture. I have spent all my time studying to be prepared to lead/teach, and not spending any time growing myself. I have signed up for a Beth Moore Bible study to begin in December and run through until January. It is good to study the Bible in order to help someone else grow, we should all do it, but not at the cost of allowing God time to communicate with us in our own intimate relationship with Him.
Abby is in full-on crazy 2's. She isn't terrible, just uh.... fickle. I have never been so entertained or enraptured with the wonder of life as I am when I am with her and I get to try to see the world through her 2 year old eyes.
Kevin is going through a rough period now as well. With so much change and unpredictable-ness around him, he has really been struggling. We are dedicating more time to helping him with and through all that is going on around him. At the age of 10, boys are in a sticky spot. They are feeling more of the protector, fix-it, handle-it drive of man-hood, but still struggling with the knowledge that there isn't alot in their power that they can do about it. It is horrible frustrating for him. I am starting to get a glimpse of some of the things we will deal with as he is a tween, things I had no idea would be coming. I have to admit I feel a little like a duck-out-of-water with him. I just don't GET most of it. I want to, it just isn't something that makes sense to me. Thank God for my dear sweet husband, who I know will lead him well through this time.
We also are trying to have friends! In all the busy-ness of life, the blessing of friends often gets shoved to second, third, or even further down the priorty list. We are making an effort to pour into those we love, and those we want to know better.
Finally, the holidays are here!!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas. It is my favorite season of all, and I try to soak up every drop of it before the new year gets here. I have moments of sadness. This was my mom's favorite time of year as well, and we shared so much every year. It is the time I miss her most, especially now that we have Abby, whom she never got to see.
As if that all isn't enough, I still have things that I am struggling to get through, things that I refuse to let go of, and things that God has firmly stamped "wait and see". All of these things adds up to blogging on the back burner. I wish it wasn't what I have to do, but it is. For this season. I am praying that it is a SHORT season. I pray with 100% confidence that our church will have an amazing pastor placed there soon, and that he will put into place amazing staff that will love and serve our community with a heart, hands and feet of Jesus.
I have titled this season of my life "Here I go/There I go" for obvious reasons. The easy thing about it is, I am at peace knowing it is just a season. I have faith that God will bless all the calendar checking, life balancing and saying no to things that I really want to do. I have faith that this is a very short time in the span of God's plan, and if the Isrealites made it through 40 years in the desert, I should handle this season with grace and trust.
I am not doing too bad, either.