So my perception was a little off

Once I decided to be a stay at home mom I thought that this would be my days:

• Get up and do a long devotion and study time.
• Get fully dressed, including hair and make up
• Gently wake my precious children with smiles and happiness
• Make a nutritious home-cooked breakfast
• Write a witty blog post that will encourage and lead others
• fill the day with fun, easy-going family activities, learning opportunities and restfulness
• Welcome home my White Knight with his favorite dinners and a sparkling clean home
• End the day with a quiet devotion and the sense that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and the satisfaction of being a stay at home mom.

During the school year I would also patiently help my son with his homework, bake cookies for my daughter's class and be the perfect sports and room mom.

You know, The Proverbs 31 woman for the year 2012.

Bahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

I have discovered that to be THAT woman I need to be a different woman! One that God has not either a: made me to be or b: started working in me to be. I have spent the last year being more disappointed in myself and my abilities than anything else.

Why in the world did I think I could be the P31 mom to perfection?

This summer I was more the crazy, unfocused, unorganized, scattered and stressed mom. But as the summer went along, and I got more focused about talking to and with God, and getting intentional about studying to better myself through God's Word I learned some things.  See if any of these sound familiar, or maybe something will let you take a deep breath and let some things go.

You can't be what God hasn't made you to be, but you can try to be a better you every day.

More often than not, I am going to screw up at some point each day. I will forget something, lose my temper, forget my priorities etc. God is really awesome about getting me back on track and helping me make amends where I need to, so there is no need to carry around the less-than-perfect mommy guilt. His mercies are new every morning.  Let. It. Go.

A clean house isn't an indication of my abilities as a mother. My children are. I learned that if my kids have clean clothes to wear and clean dishes to eat off of, then the rest can wait.

When my daughter tells me I am the best mom in the world, instead of feeling sorry for her that she has no better frame of reference, I can now honestly be thankful that I filled her love tank and I can also know that maybe, just maybe, today I earned an "atta girl" from my Heavenly Father as well.

Four short devotions, done with complete attention for 5-10 minutes throughout the day will help me stay focused on what is truly important as well as, if not better than, one long session in the morning. If I only get three pages of a study done, but I really think about those three pages for the rest of the day, I am growing and learning. It's not how much, but how deep.

Praying sounds more like day-long off and on conversations, muttering and exclamations these days, but God really really likes to hear from me whenever, wherever.

I will have so much time to blog when my kids are grown and gone. I miss being here more regularly and I hope to get back to my two a week postings soon, but watching my son play football, planting flowers with my daughter, and doing home repair and improvement projects with my White Knight, well those need to be done while I still have the opportunity to do them. Time flies away unnoticed all too often. I am trying to be here (in the moment with my family) which means sometimes I can't be here (blogging).

So what I thought being a stay at home mom would be like isn't anywhere close to what actually is. For me anyway. But I am getting more and more OK with that every day.

Dancing in the Minefields

Wow. It has been so long since I posted anything!

I only have a minute, but I HAD to post my current, new favorite song. Yes, current. I will find a new favorite song in the next few days. It's the way of the music lovers world.

Anyway...

I heard this on the radio a few weeks ago, then didn't hear it again for several days. Then I heard it again, got the title and searched it out. I LOVE this song.

Sometimes I need the reminder of what marriage is supposed to be about. More than anything else, it is honoring the commitment that we made to GOD, not each other. If we always seek to honor God first, then we will naturally honor our spouse.

When was the last time you really thought about who your spouse is supposed to be? Yes, your husband or wife. But they are more than that. They are your port in a storm, your confidant, your sounding board and your reality check. They are the one that God has chosen to show you Himself. And it's the same for who you are to your spouse.

When we look at it like that, that we are representing God to our spouse, well, it changes everything doesn't it? No more excusing selfish behaviors. No more giving yourself permission to be angry for another day. No more blaming their actions to excuse your own.

I love the word pictures in this song. When he sings "we went dancing in the minefields, we went sailing in the storm", all I can see is two people, trusting in God and in each other to not only make it through the challenges, but to grow closer and find joy along the way.

I hope you are as blessed by this song as I am. I hope it makes you seek out your spouse and thank them for honoring the promise.



If you search this song on youtube, you can see the official video by the artist. It is worth seeing.

Love & Laundry

As soon as I heard this song I knew I had to post it. I am pretty sure they followed me around with cameras and microphones for a few weeks. Lyrics are below the video. ENJOY!

Here I go again it’s another messy morning
Walk around the clothes that are covering the floor and
Take my kiss and coffee to go
Then put on my mascara while I’m driving down the road
I thought that I could do it all
Turns out I was crazy
Man I need an iPhone and a cleaning lady
We haven’t had a date night in what seems like forever
It might take a miracle to get myself together

Chorus:
Oh I wish that there were more than
24 hours in a day
I haven’t found it yet but there’s gotta be a way
And I keep praying that
I can get everything done
And still have time for love
And a load of laundry

I’d sure like to relax laying in a bubble bath
But then I’d have to clean the tub and really who’s got time for that
There goes my day dream I’m just wishful thinking
Oh shoot I’m running late, I gotta make it to a meeting

I’ve been waiting for this moment all day, just you and me
The lights are low, next thing I know
We’re both drifting off to sleep

Head over to Amy's for more songs to tap your toe by.

Here I go/ There I go

I think I just passed myself walking down the hall.

Have you ever felt like that?  There is the Mom-me, Wife-me, Employee-me, Home CEO-me, Ministry worker-me, Trying to do some type of Bible study-me, Friend-me; Can I just say all of us are a little tired?

I miss blogging so much! I love to just open my computer, pull up a blank screen and see what I get. Sometimes it makes no sense and I just delete it once I get it all out. Other times I feel like God really had something great for me to share, so I stick it on here. And sometimes, I just like to ramble, have fun, or post a song or video that I am loving at the moment. It's my brain dump.

Well, I haven't gotten to visit the blank-page therapy room lately.  Between work, being a mom and wife and trying to be better about spending time in the Word (still not consistant on that one), and trying to be a friend, I have been feeling spread a little thin. Oh, and did I mention I am apparently trying to single-handedly lead half the ministries in my church (not really, but some days it feels that way!)

About a year ago, I really felt pulled to start a First Place group at my church. I didn't want to lead it alone (it looked really intense work-wise) so I thought I would join one and go through a session before bringing it to my home church. Well, it fell through and I didn't get to go, but I did find out one of my friends in my church had felt led to start a First Place group as well. So, starting about three months ago, we began the process of developing this ministry for the women in our church. We are scheduled to begin in January 2010.  This has been hard for me. I get an idea, flesh it out, and then am ready to implement it and move on quickly. All this planning and such has been driving me crazy...but I am pretty sure God is using this to refine me and teach me patience and the blessing of being prepared.

Then, about 6 weeks ago, our youth pastor announced he was leaving the church. Bob and I have been the only other adults that have served faithfully for the last 3 years, so the leadership of the youth group just sort of transfered to us.  We have spent the last weeks getting speakers, setting curriculum, planning activities and starting the process for camp in the summer. We also lead small groups for Sunday school, so we study for that, as well as making sure that we have people lined up and prepared to use our curriculum for Wednesday night youth group. Adminstrating a youth ministry is a full time job. I am driving to the church on my lunch hour. I am not complaining. Just stating what my day is like.

Finally, I am a full time volunteer in our women's ministry. Because of the other things going right now, I don't have time to serve as I feel called to serve, but I know God is patient and preparing the way for me to step into that role later, when staff is in place in our church. I know I will be leading a women's Sunday morning Bible study group, but not right now. I really enjoy planning and executing events for the women in our church, and love knowing that women will have a chance to get to know Jesus just a little (or a lot) better through our ministry.

Bob and I have made a priority of spending a night together every week, so we signed up for ballroom dance classes with some friends of ours. We just finished our first session and have a break until January. It is so much fun and it is a dedicated "us" night every week.

I have also been horribly neglecting my own personal growth through Scripture. I have spent all my time studying to be prepared to lead/teach, and not spending any time growing myself. I have signed up for a Beth Moore Bible study to begin in December and run through until January. It is good to study the Bible in order to help someone else grow, we should all do it, but not at the cost of allowing God time to communicate with us in our own intimate relationship with Him.

Abby is in full-on crazy 2's. She isn't terrible, just uh.... fickle. I have never been so entertained or enraptured with the wonder of life as I am when I am with her and I get to try to see the world through her 2 year old eyes.

Kevin is going through a rough period now as well. With so much change and unpredictable-ness around him, he has really been struggling. We are dedicating more time to helping him with and through all that is going on around him. At the age of 10, boys are in a sticky spot. They are feeling more of the protector, fix-it, handle-it drive of man-hood, but still struggling with the knowledge that there isn't alot in their power that they can do about it. It is horrible frustrating for him. I am starting to get a glimpse of some of the things we will deal with as he is a tween, things I had no idea would be coming. I have to admit I feel a little like a duck-out-of-water with him. I just don't GET most of it. I want to, it just isn't something that makes sense to me. Thank God for my dear sweet husband, who I know will lead him well through this time.

We also are trying to have friends! In all the busy-ness of life, the blessing of friends often gets shoved to second, third, or even further down the priorty list. We are making an effort to pour into those we love, and those we want to know better.

Finally, the holidays are here!!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas. It is my favorite season of all, and I try to soak up every drop of it before the new year gets here. I have moments of sadness. This was my mom's favorite time of year as well, and we shared so much every year. It is the time I miss her most, especially now that we have Abby, whom she never got to see.

As if that all isn't enough, I still have things that I am struggling to get through, things that I refuse to let go of, and things that God has firmly stamped "wait and see". All of these things adds up to blogging on the back burner. I wish it wasn't what I have to do, but it is. For this season. I am praying that it is a SHORT season. I pray with 100% confidence that our church will have an amazing pastor placed there soon, and that he will put into place amazing staff that will love and serve our community with a heart, hands and feet of Jesus.

I have titled this season of my life "Here I go/There I go" for obvious reasons. The easy thing about it is, I am at peace knowing it is just a season.  I have faith that God will bless all the calendar checking, life balancing and saying no to things that I really want to do. I have faith that this is a very short time in the span of God's plan, and if the Isrealites made it through 40 years in the desert, I should handle this season with grace and trust.

I am not doing too bad, either.

Most days.

;)

Brain Dump

Sometimes I need to just have a little clutter clearing in the thought process.

Here goes...

It's sad when the only expectations you have are negative. It's even sadder when those expectations are met. It's easy to be disappointed in people if you have expectations of them. It's better to just not expect anything.

Times of change and uncertainty just don't bother me. I am in a season of uncertainty and I am not bothered. I know that I am exactly where God wants me, doing what he desires for me. God has made himself apparent in many ways, and I have been affirmed that I am on the right path. It isn't necessarily the path I would have chosen, or maybe the scenery is unexpected is a better way of putting it, but I am excited to see where it will lead.

I have discovered some new friendships. It is nice to have people around you that love God and like to just hang out. They don't have agendas or ulterior motives, they just want to serve God and study his word, and do it with his people. I like that.

I have been having really great times of worship. Not in church, but in my heart.

The seasons changing makes me love God all over again. His creativity, artistry and generosity are abounding.

Autumn is my favorite season.

I watched Abby play daycare yesterday. She fed all of her babies before putting them down for naps on their own pallets. She shushed me and her dad. All I could think of was how much my heart hurt from just pure happiness with my life.

Today, she danced around her room and sang along with her CD. Oh to have that abandon and joy for whatever task I am doing.

Kevin needs more physical outlets. I saw this tonight as he was wrestling with my brother, I realized that he has so much energy contained, that it's no wonder he can't concentrate on anything. I am thinking of Te kwon do. Exercise, discipline and respect for authority. Can't go wrong with that combo.

Bob and I are planning our first true vacation. We are looking at taking a cruise. WE are planning to drive down to Florida as part of the trip. I have never been to Florida, I have never seen the ocean, which naturally leads to the fact I have never been on a cruise. I am so excited that I will be getting rid of so many "nevers" in just a few months!

I just ordered a new Bible study on overcoming fear. Oh, did I mention I am terrified of new places and going where I have never been? I guess this will be a never I can get past too!

We have already started Christmas shopping! Never have we gotten this big a start!

We are making great strides on becoming debt free! God has been so good with us and to us! (We love Dave Ramsey!)

My new favorite verse is Luke 1:45:

"Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"

How amazing!

I just had the best cup of hot cocoa. Half dark chocolate, half milk chocolate.

Thank you for joining me for my brain dump.

Want to connect? Play!

When things start to feel stressful and you need somewhere safe to go, if you are married, it is your spouse. Well, what if the arguing and frustration is coming from that relationship?

You need to play.

It's really hard to get things started because you have argued about money, or priorities or what needs done around the house. If you are like me you hang on to things for awhile too. He walks out of the room and 15 minutes later it is as if you had never had a disagreement while you are still stewing in your firm belief that he has no clue about the person he married and WHAT are you going to have to do to get through to him, right?

Well, the best thing I have found to do is go do something fun. It is a conscience choice to put aside the things that annoy you and focus on the fun and silly guy you dated. Fun and games is a time where any disagreements or differences should either be utilized in the game, or put aside for the time being.

We have started riding bikes together. It is great family time, and we like to play jokes on each other and our son. It is just a chance to get outside and have some fun while being healthy. I have loved it.

We also have started trying to work together in the kitchen. I am learning how to share the space. I tend to have my way of doing things and my own rhythm, so this is a "fun" activity...in the making.

We also like to work in the yard together. Planning, planting, then sitting back and just enjoying the atmosphere.

We even like to play hidden treasure computer games together. We lay on the bed, have popcorn and look for objects together. Sounds silly but it is relaxing and fun.

What do you like to do to find the fun and silly guy you married? Bowl? Roller skating? Dancing? Cooking?

Make fun time a priority and you will find, as I have, that you are more willing to let the little things that used to annoy you go. Playing and dating like teens reminds you why you found him to be the hottie he is in the first place and reconnects you to each other on a more relaxed level.

For more ideas and inspiration on marriage, plase head over to Marriage Monday. Just click the button to follow the link!


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Relief

The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender. Proverbs 22:7

Everyone needs a Total Money Makeover! I am so in love with this concept! If you have never met Dave Ramsey, you must click this link NOW! (and if you need to re-visit some concepts, or get that re-energizing kick in the pants, click that link!)

I am so excited! We have gotten rid of our last credit card!

WOO HOO! YAY!!! Oh, ya, do tha boogie, do tha boogie, do tha boogie! Wah wah wah Baby!

We started with eight three years ago, as well as a loan with high interest that we took out to pay off the cards the first time, and then we maxed them all back out and still had the loan. We also had a car loan and medical bills. We are down to 9 months on the car loan, 2 years on a low interest loan and our mortgage (which is an ARM so the interest just went down but we kept the payments the same as the previous payment to get rid of more principal). Once the car loan is gone, we will double up on the 2 year loan, then start whacking away at the rest of the mortgage.

It is soooo true that you become a slave to money. All you see is the money you don't have but need. Debt is a nightmare that Satan has convinced us is necessary reality. The stress and the desperation that come from all those phone calls and bills in the mail floods over into family and friends.

We have been slaves to lenders our entire marriage. I am not even sure what it will feel like when we finally get rid of the rest of our debt. All I can tell you is that the relief we are experiencing NOW is soooo amazing!

Has it been a fun three years? Uhhh...no. No vacations. No extras. No splurges. We cut waaay back on eating out. We turn down most invites to go out with our friends because they want to spend money that we want to put on debt. We even cut down on video rentals and "fun foods" like unnecessary snacks.

Did we do all of the steps right? No. We still haven't built our safety net in our savings account and we just in the recent past started tithing correctly again. But we are on the way to getting where we need to be, and we know it is because God is working. Not in our finances. In us.

We learned that our bad finances are a result of our pride (not asking for help, not wanting others to know we were struggling so continuing to purchase and go further into debt), ignorance (we went upside down on our car loan and have spent the last 6 1/2 years paying twice what the car is worth), irresponsibility (spending on new things when we still were in debt on the old things, buying what wasn't necessary, not planning and being committed to following a budget and payment schedule, constantly paying bills after the due date) and lack of faith.

I know that I struggled (and sometimes still do) with the fact that God will provide what I need, and he is the best one to determine what I need. I still tend to think I know best, and instead of allowing God to be God in my life, I give him a time limit to meet what I think are my needs, then I just go ahead and take care of them myself.

Can I tell you how those times turned out? Ya, not pretty.

If you are a slave to money (and if you have ANY debt, you are a slave) please please please check out Dave Ramsey.

You really DON'T need a credit card. A visa or MasterCard debit card work just like them, but you can't go into debt, because if you don't have the money then you can't use the card. It really is that simple.

Oh, and just a little lesson we have learned the hard way and want to pass along to anyone that will listen...DO NOT GET OVERDRAFT PROTECTION ON YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNT!! It seems like a good idea, but you will eventually either use it like a short term loan and get socked with fees and penalties, or you will get stuck in the cycle of going into debt on overdraft, losing half your paycheck to cover all the fees and penalties and then having to go back into the overdraft protection to pay the bills. It is a vicious cycle and you need to never get caught there. We were getting dinged for about $600 a month before we could get out of it. I swear our life goal (money wise) is to never have overdraft protection again. It is to be wise with our money instead.

For all of you that hate money, reading about it, thinking about it, hearing about it from others, I apologize. I just had to do some written praise work on this because God has been soooooo good to grow us, help us and continue to show us the way to be delivered from all our mistakes regarding our finances. Sure, a huge check in the mail would have been quicker (and more fun) but I know we would have gone right back into debt. We had to learn this lesson the super hard, super long, super sure way by working it out and growing up. Maybe if we had done the growing up part sooner, God might have helped us a little bit faster. Just goes to show that, once again, his timing, unlike ours, is perfect.

Thursday 3some ~ Walk This Way

A three word phrase, divided into thirds, then expounded upon.

This week's phrase:

WALK:

How funny.

I was just rocking Abby back to sleep and thinking of all the little things that I don't want to ever forget, but know I will.

The sound of the wood on the rocker creaking as I listen to her even breathing, telling me that it's safe to put her to bed, even though I know I won't. At least for another precious minute.

The way her face lights up when I walk in after being gone, even if it is just for an hour.

The sound of "mommy!" from her sweet little voice, even after the 400th time that day, it still makes me feel so humble.

The way it sounds when her little feet are walking.

She loves shoes, but she really, really loves shoes that make noise when she walks. She will stomp her feet, jump up and down, run, walk and tap her little feet to see what noise she can make. When was the last time that I took such abandoned delight in something so simple and mundane as walking? I think, when I get ready for work in the morning, I will find the coolest sounding shoes I have and jump up and down, run, walk and tap my feet. There is glory in putting one foot in front of the other.

THIS:

I seem to struggle to focus on "this".

I look at what it was, what it could be, but find it difficult to just accept "this".

It doesn't matter what "this" is. If I can't look at "this" and be grateful for it, instead of wishing it was like it used to be, or how I dream it can be I will never find contentment and be able to glorify God for ALL that he provides me.

WAY:

(dictionary.com has 22 definitions for "way". I am choosing to go with #18: a course of life, action, or experience)

Often I wish that I had a manual, or guidebook, on how to get through things, to fix things, to be a better parent, to communicate with my spouse, to communicate with my friends, to see things in a better perspective, to be more effective in ministry, and on and on and on it goes.

You may be thinking the obvious: "You do have a manual for those things. The Bible."

I agree. To an extent. The Bible shows us what we are supposed to be, the goals we are to have and what is expected of us; but am I the only one that feels God could have elaborated on the How-To section?

Example: I know I am supposed to submit to my husband as to the Lord (Ephesians 5:24) but when I am really struggling and fighting an inner war with this, how do I?

Sometimes the only way to find the "way" is by faith. I have learned, and am learning, this the hard way.

I am also a second-guesser. "Did God really mean for me to do this, or is it my own desire that is putting it there?" (usually if I don't want to do it, I know it is from God.It may sound flippant, but it is usually true. The right thing is rarely what we want to do.) But it is that lack of concrete, I read it word-for-word confirmation that I struggle with.

Sometimes faith is the only way to get through. Faith in a strength that is stronger than I am. Faith in a wisdom that is far above mine. Faith in a prayer being heard, even though I am still waiting for an answer. Faith that there really isn't anything too small to take to God. Faith that I will find my way.

For the home of Thursday 3some, click on the graphic above.

We interrupt this blogger block...

I know I haven't been around much the past couple of weeks. I am experiencing some pretty annoying bloggity blockage. I have things I want to write about...just no motivation to sit down and apply.

To interrupt this blogger block I am now going to post some random pictures that I love.

When she was born, Abby was compared to Gene Simmons because of her tongue sticking out skills...She still has them.

I really love this guy. He's so darned cute, too.

This is my too-cute kiddo at one of his ball games. He had a great time catching and his team ended their season with an 11-2 record.

Happy Father's Day!

This week I of course want to honor my husband.

I love that the following video is something that my man takes seriously. He knows that Kevin wants to be just like him, good or bad. I am so proud when my hubby sits down and helps him with him homework, shows him how to mow the yard and how to treat girls, but more importantly, I love that Kevin is learning how to treat women from watching the loving way his dad treats me in the little day-in-day-out ways, that God comes first by seeing his dad on the couch reading the Bible, listening to him pray at night and wanting to serve because he sees his dad serving the people in his life with a humble heart.







My heart just breaks with love to watch Bob with his little princess. It makes me so happy to see her wrap him around her little finger and how he is already teaching her how she should be loved by all those evil boys to come. I love to see his face light up when she comes running up to him when he comes in the door, how he thinks there has never been anything funnier/cuter/more precious/more blessed than the gift of our little girl. I can't wait to see their relationship grow as she becomes a little girl, a young lady, a teen and finally, a woman. We pray that God will do amazing things with her life, and with her Dad setting the standard, I know she will make God proud!



Happy Father's Day honey. I Love You!




Verse 1:
Gotta hold on easy as I let you go.
Gonna tell you how much I love you,
though you think you already know.
I remember I thought you looked like an angel wrapped in pink so soft and warm.
You've had me wrapped around your finger since the day you were born.

Chorus:
Your beautiful baby from the outside in.
Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again.
Go on, take on this whole world.
But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl.

Verse 2:
When you were in trouble that crooked little smile could melt my heart of stone.
Now look at you, I've turned around and you've almost grown.
Sometimes you're asleep I whisper "I Love You!" in the moonlight at your door.
As I walk away, I hear you say, "Daddy Love You More!".

(Repeat Chorus)

Verse 3:
Someday, some boy will come and ask me for your hand.
But I won't say "yes" to him unless I know, he's the half
that makes you whole, he has a poet's soul, and the heart of a man's man.
I know he'll say that he's in love.
But between you and me. He won't be good enough!

What were we going to do again?

If you are like me, you are constantly thinking of things that need done, but will be time/labor/money intensive. I have come up with a way of remembering what all those projects are, and also tracking where we are with money and materials for the project.

I bought a cheap spiral bound index card notebook. It is 3X5 so it is not too large. It has lines so it can be somewhat neat.

Each index card contains the idea for one project. I have ones that say: "Redecorate back entry stairs", "clean out garage", "make sitting area in back yard", "organize scrapbook items", "redecorate kitchen", etc...

They can be big projects or little. They all get put into the spiral. Then as time and funds permits, we flip through the spiral, find one we want to work on and have the funds and materials for, and go to work! When the project is completed we just rip the card out and toss it!

My husband gave the project spiral to our toddler the other day to play with. I told him that he couldn't get rid of it that easily, I would just buy another and re-write all of it.

He just laughed.

Once For All

A three-word phrase divided into thirds and then
expounded upon...

Once: This is my dream word. I would love to say something "once". Ask something "once". Pick up something "once".

Alas, it is not to be.

I have kids. I have a dog. I have a cat. I have a husband. I have a life! I will, for the rest of my life, repeat myself over and over, continually request that the lights be shut off before leaving the room, that the shoes of everyone in my family have a home and to please put them there, that the dog would quit scratching and the cat quit, for dear petes's sake! leaving "gifts" all over the house!

No matter how much I would love to never have to say something more than once, I have to remember that God grants me MUCH more mercy than I deserve. Every day I wake up and God starts over..."Remember I love you most", "Chose to honor Me today", "Let your love for Me dictate your thoughts, words, and actions".

"I forgive you".

How God must wish he only had to say these things once. But because of his infinite grace, mercy, and love, he says them over and over.

For: I love how I have people that are FOR me. They love me. They push me. They hold me accountable. They laugh with me. They cry with me. They take, they give, they sit quietly and let me just be.

They know all my ugly inside stuff and love me anyway.

They are never more than a phone call, text or short car ride away. It doesn't matter if they have been by my side for 3 years, 15 years, or my whole life. They have walked in front of me and led me when I couldn't find the way on my own, they have walked beside me and experienced all the things that make up my life, and they sometimes walk behind me, allowing me to blaze the trail, all the while willing to push me when I get tired, or help me up when I fall.

They are my people, and they are FOR me.

ALL: This makes me think of the times when I haven't given my all. I struggle with that constantly. I sometimes give just enough. I sometimes give nothing. But I rarely give my all to something. I try to blame it on the quirks of my personality. "Focus is hard for me." "long-term projects are hard when you have ADD". "I just don't have a lot of patience".

Those phrases, and the ones that are just like them, that I utter and use as my handy go-to reasons when I don't FEEL like finishing, working harder, or changing myself, are just excuses for me not to give my ALL.

Praise GOD that Jesus wasn't a quitter. He had all the opportunity, the power and the right to say, "No. I won't go further. I have already worked, sacrificed, struggled to teach them, offered to lead them, proved that I love them, and still they want more of me. I can't. I won't. I'm going home".

But he didn't.

He saw our fate, our struggle, our arrogance. He saw our in-ability to help ourselves, our repeated fall into sin. He saw what it would take to save us and he didn't quit, he didn't turn away, he didn't make excuses. He gave ALL. For me. For you. For ALL.

For more Thursday 3Some Fun, head over to Wild Olive Shoot!

I Run to You

There are so many things in this song that I really relate to right now. I will have to blog about it soon. All I can say is in the lyrics of this song I see my relationship with God, with my husband, my kids and my friends. I also understand the feeling of trying to run my life and having it run me instead.

I hope you love this song as much as I do.




For more great inspiring songs, follow the link in my right hand column.

Never Give Up

A three-word phrase divided into thirds and then

expounded upon...

NEVER GIVE UP

(Yes, this is supposed to be posted on Thursday, but I am horrible about remembering to do even the most daily activity, so this is really pushing it, but at least I got it done before I have to do the next one! :)

Never:

Most notably, I SWORE I would NEVER get pregnant again after I had my son. After being horribly uncomfortable the entire last trimester, massive swelling (men's size 13 sandals anyone? UGH!) post-partum depression, and just generally struggling with being a mom for the year that followed, I knew I would never want to go through that again. Enter God. Yep, you get your life right, your walk right and your marriage healing, and lookey lookey what God can do. Abby is a true blessing for a woman who was to NEVER be pregnant again.

Give:

I love to give. Might not be much, but I am definitely a giver. Everyone thinks that my love language is gifts but it sure isn't! I love finding out things about people, little things like favorite color, beverage, hobby etc. and then give them little gifts of encouragement when I think they need a little pick-me-up. I like sending cards for no reason. I like giving my friends treats. I love to leave milkshakes in the freezer at my friend's office for her to find. It sounds like I am really generous, but the truth is, I LOVE making people happy. It is totally selfish. I like to see the reactions, those are my favorite part. I wish I could say that I didn't need the gratification of knowing that they were so happy/surprised/pleased/encouraged. But I do. ah well.

Up:

I am always up way too late. I stay up because I love the alone time. I should be a good homemaker and clean or organize, but usually I just blog, watch videos or TV-online, take long baths, read or otherwise be very self indulgent. I hate that I stay up until the wee hours to get my alone time, but at this stage of my life, with my hubby, my kids, working and working in my ministries, it is what I have so I work with it. I generally write all of my blogs between 11pm and 2am. :) I have been more faithful to get to bed early the majority of the time, but sometimes I just need a little "stay-up" time.

Thursday 3somes are so much fun! Head on over to Wild Olive Shoot and meet my friend Leslie to join in!

Trying to live the prepositional phrase

Reading along in the Bible and there are all the horrid things that are going on and how we all stumble and fall and fail...then two words happen.

but God

Every time I see "but God" I get excited to read what comes next. You see, God doesn't leave us there, forget us, forsake us.

We are sinful...but God forgave us.

We are sinful...but God is merciful.

We are sinful...but God is just.

We are sinful...but God is loving.

For all the falling down, messing up and tearing down I have done, I take the "but God" and refuse to hear the "but Shannon".

How often do I stop myself and grant the grace and mercy needed to the people in my life that need it most? If I am to be a "little Christ" I need to start every action and thought of my life with "but Shannon".

Oh how this hurts... to know that I don't live that little prepositional phrase.

How must if feel to my kids to know that instead of telling me of a mistake and recieving the reaction "but Shannon is merciful" they get a frustrated Mom who forgets to give the mercy that is needed.

How must it feel to my husband to not receive the peace of "but Shannon is loving" on those days when I decide that he didn't live up to the expectations I placed on him, ones he didn't even know were there.

Struggling to obtain this Little Christ heart means remembering that I am no better, no stronger, no holier than any that cross my path and striving to live a life that responds with "but Shannon...".

What Nots

So, I haven't really updated you on the whole "just life" moments going on around the SeeSaw home. Here are some of the what nots that have transpired over the last few weeks.

• I turned 33. My Dear Hubby likes to rub it in that I am older than him, but I take comfort that he is only a few months behind me.
• Bob was able to get a new garage door at a super cheap price. We now have a functioning garage again! It is so nice to be able to put Abby in her car seat when it is storming without being drenched in the process. Plus, the old garage door had bowed out so that it looked like we had so much junk in there that it was about to bust the door off. Kinda embarrassing. Now there is no indication of how much junk we have. ;)
• I am getting close to finishing the redecoration of our living room. We have a large red sectional and dark woodwork and hardwood floors. To keep the room from being too dark I painted the walls a very soft yellow and then used bright colors of marine blue and Illini orange to brighten it up. I only have a few things for the wall and a new rug and this room will be done!
• Kevin was Paul Revere in a living wax museum at school. He had to memorize a one minute speech (which with his learning difficulties was done with very hard work!) All the kids in his class lined the hall and had an "on" button next to them. Their classmates, parents and teachers could then press the button and they would give their speech. I thought this was very creative and wish I could have seen it (I had to work but the Hubby got to go. He said Kevin did a great job!)
• Kevin has also started baseball. This is his first year of kid pitch. He is doing well. He is one of the few kids on his team that has a pretty powerful arm, so he is in outfield. Not a lot of action, but he does a good job. His batting is consistently improving. It has been hard to switch from machine pitch to kid pitch, but he is getting better at calling the ball as it is coming.
• Abby is growing waaay to fast! She is really smart. One of her favorite things to do is sit on the couch and play with her flash cards. She is also in love with the "pick up, pick up" game. Singing the words in a cute little voice.
• OK, I KNOW that everyone says their kid is super-smart, but Abby really is!
• she is also in the middle of an allergy/sinus infection. After three days of gooey eyes and runny nose she managed to vomit mucus all over me. That's when I said enough is enough and took her to the Dr. for meds. Praying she is back to full health soon!
• I am still at Loving Arms. I have been struggling with working as many hours as I do. I would really like to cut them down but haven't seen how that will work yet. I just know that God did not give us the gift of our kids so that someone else can raise them.
• I just had my colonoscopy and it came back clean. I don't have to reschedule again for 5 years. YIPEE!
• I am still struggling with the high blood pressure when I work out. As long as I don't do anything that requires bending too far or face-down work like push-ups I don't do too bad. It is just another frustrating thing about my body that really gets to me.
• I went to the medical supply store and got my order turned in for my compression socks. Yes, I have to wear them because of the swelling in my legs.
• I would like to have a full body transplant please!
• I am working on a batch of Amish friendship bread. Tara, does that count as homemade bread?
• Bob and I decided to go on a second honeymoon next year since we didn't really have a first one. Just a few days in St. Louis. I really want to go to a lot of places so am struggling to figure out where to go. Plus, I have an almost-phobia of new places. I LOVE doing new things and meeting new people, but going somewhere that I have never been and not knowing how to get around absolutely terrifies me. I think I am going to have to try to trust him to do the planning. Everything I plan to do scares the living daylights out of me so I have to quit!
• I think I am very close to getting my hubby to take dance lessons with me!

Well, I think that is about it for now. School will be out in a few days and we are planning a few fun things over the summer. Kevin will be on a rotating schedule of Nana and Papa's house, day camp and time with Mom (Tuesdays, my day off!:). Bob and I will be going to camp with the youth group next month, Kevin will be going to camp for the first time in July (gasp!), we are planning a trip to Indianapolis to go to the zoo and children's museum and possibly a weekend away for just me and the hubby (oh to dream big dreams!). I will have lots to update over the summer. Just pray that this summer DOESN'T involve any more trips to the ER for Kevin!

Thankful Thursday

I haven't posted a thankful entry for several weeks. What is wrong with me?!?

1. I am sooo thankful that my colonoscopy came back clear. This is the second one I have had. I don't mind the procedure, but I sure do hate the prep. Then, of course, my mind goes crazy the night before and I totally stress out because I am POSITIVE that they will find something. Of course, they didn't find anything and I am cleared for another five years.

2. I am thankful for my kids. Not for any reason, other than I love them. I still struggle with figuring out Kevin, but I am assuming that that will not change much in the coming years. After all, I have never been a boy, which means I have never been a pre-teen guy, or a teenage boy. I am sure I will be even more confused in the years to come, but will take every second of it. Abby makes me smile and makes my heart happy. I am stocking it up now. She is way too much like her mother for us to continue having a peaceful relationship. The girl is a stubborn spitfire and I am proud as all get out over her.

3. I am thankful that I got to go out to dinner with my hubby. We haven't been doing too much fun lately, focusing on getting our bills caught up and taking some big chunks out of our debt. It is so hard to keep at it when all you want to do is get away for the weekend and relax. We are persevering though, and it is paying off (ha! Get it, paying off? I kill me!) We are planning a family vacation the end of June. It will just be 2 1/2 days, but it is going to be so much fun and I am soooo excited.

4. I am thankful that focusing on paying things off and getting caught up has made me more appreciative of the things that we get to do. I don't take any pleasures for granted, since we haven't got to experience them lately. They seem even more like blessings when we do get to do something special.

5. I am thankful for Jesus' stubborn Love. That man just doesn't let go, no matter how awful, distrustful, disrespectful, obstinate, whiny, lazy, self-centered, self-serving and ugly I get. He still loves me. Ya, he really, really loves me. That is some stubborn Love and I am so grateful that is is attached to me.

For more inspiring Thankful Thursday posts follow the link in my right hand column.

The Invisible Woman

I have really been struggling with feeling insignifcant and unnoticed lately. I know God sees me, but in my human-ness, I want to feel seen by the people around me too.

If you have been struggling with this same feeling, this video is for you.

Happy TSMS Saturday.




For more inspiration, click on the link in my right hand column.

The Corrs

This week I am posting videos of The Corrs. They have been my favorite group for as long as I can remember. I love their pop stuff, but their instrumental stuff either just makes me so relaxed, so calm or makes me want to well...ok, I'll say it...jig! (Yep, I got some green in my blood!)

When I listen to them I can't help but be in a better mood. I hope you love the following as much as I do. A little further down you will find their more contemporary style.











Below are some of their "pop" or "mainstream" stuff.

The following song reminds me of my friend Kelly who passed away way before her time to go.




The next song is my favorite Corrs song. It makes me think of my hubby and how after 12 years I still feel this way about him. My dream is to one day dance with him to this song. (no, we have never danced together, he doesn't dance. I have always wanted to do a ballroom type dance to this song. It will happen one day!)




Click on the link in my right column to head over to Then Sings My Soul Saturday for more great music!

What's fun for us

I'm double posting for Marriage Monday this month. I "pre-screened" the topic and wrote what was in my heart, but then the preview was posted and there was a specific question in there so I am writing a second posting to more closely follow the spirit of the topic this month. I hope you enjoy both.

Bob and I have a slightly weird sense of fun. We like to work. Not 9-5, office and clients, bosses and deadlines. We like to get dirty together doing home improvement, yard work, gardening, cleaning, etc.

We both want to begin taking mission trips, but don't feel called to the VBS opportunities that have been offered. Rather, we are looking for one where we can go to repair an orphanage, build a feeding center, clean a village, etc. It is so much fun, and so enriching, to be able to work alongside someone to improve their living situation in a tangible way, leaving something solid and long-standing behind. In addition, people are more likely to talk to someone they don't really know if you are laboring alongside them.

A couple of years ago we were blessed with the opportunity to serve in inner-city Chicago. We spent two days cleaning the neighborhood and going door to door getting the info of our church plant out. My husband spent the two days working on a one car garage, turning it into a youth center. His team got to have some really great conversations while working with the men and kids of the neighborhood. I spent most of my day cleaning the neighborhood and then going door to door. The work I did was important and I know God blessed it, but now there is no sign I was ever there. My husband's labor, on the other hand, still stands.

There are so many areas in our country that need such manual service. We are beginning to search around to see what options are available. We would like to work here in the United States, as well as outside of our country.

It's not just memories of the time spent with and serving others that we bring home, it's also how our relationship has grown when we serve others. You learn so many things, new things and amazing things, when you watch your spouse serve and love others for Jesus.

And if we want to just relax and get away? Well, he is a camper. He loves to pitch a tent and spend the weekend hiking and just sitting still watching the fire. I like to camp as long as it includes some excitement like canoeing or (still on my wish list but I will get to do it someday) white water rafting. I am hoping that we can get away together, just the two of us, within the next couple of months. It's also a great way to remember all the ways that God is creative. nature does that, and sharing it with my hubby is something that helps to feed my soul.

It really is a blessing to be married to a man that lives to serve. We are a great fit, and when we need to get away and just relax, well, we are in sync there, too. I guess God really does know how to fit ALL the pieces together, huh?

head on over to Marriage Monday to read more great stories of friendship in marriage, just click on the button in my right hand column, and tell e-mom hi while you're there!