Being in a funk and waiting, waiting, WAITING!

I am going to be honest with you, I'm in a funk.

I have been in a funk for quite some time now. I don't tell people much because they try to cheer me out of it, or Scripture me out of it, or give me another round of platitudes. 

I don't need that. 

I know what the Bible says. I know all the cheer-up quotes and fuzzy kitten happys that are to be found. But that doesn't mean I will be any the better for hearing them. AGAIN.

Sometimes you just have to sit where you are and wait. You don't like it. It is frustrating. Confusing. Painful. INFURIATING. But you still have to sit where you are and wait and that can bring on a funky funk. The kind of funks I am talking about aren't depression or pity-parties. They are more a high-level of frustration and disappointment over waiting. And waiting. And waiting some more!

And having people constantly telling you that things will turn around, to just take that first step forward and see what happens, that something new is just around the corner, or that God has something for me only serve to point out that all of those great and exciting things are not here yet. Well-intentioned and I am thankful for you for trying don't get me wrong! But none of that helps

Funks come because you want to move forward and can't, not because you don't want to. God is really good at making sure you don't move if He doesn't want you too. Oh sure, you can, but when you do you are outside of God's will and that is waaaay worse than a funk!

So I don't tell people I am in a funk. 

But some people just can't miss it. Like my hubby. He has to live with my funkiness because unfortunately we really meant the "for worse" part of the vows too. Not that I have been hideous to live with, I don't think, but because I am just not me. The great thing about my particular prince charming is that he gets the roller coaster aspect that I bring to our marriage. He understands that there are highs and lows in walking with God, and with me as well, and that there will be times that I am going to be funky, and not the good kind that makes him laugh. We know that we are the perfect example of opposites attracting and that he is just not going to get me sometimes. And you know what he does when those times come? 

Nothing.

I love him for that.

He doesn't try to spur me on, or hurry me up or change me during the funk times. He just lets me be where I am and picks up any slack that I might be leaving. He doesn't complain and he doesn't judge. He just silently supports me where ever I happen to be. He encourages me to stick to the things I need to be doing, and he demonstrates dependability and godliness to me. He pushes when I need it but doesn't try to force me where  I am not ready or supposed to be.

Being in a funk isn't fun. But seeing once again why God brought me and my man together is a blessing. He knew that my crazy, emotional, roller-coaster personality would balance out his quiet, routine, laid-back way of doing life. And of course it works the other way around. 

So, if you are in a funk, I won't try and happy you out of it. But I think I might ask you to look around at who is walking through it with you. That way you can see how good God is and how even though He isn't moving you forward right now, he is still moving. Always has been. Always will. 

And that makes the funk a little easier to sit though.

So my perception was a little off

Once I decided to be a stay at home mom I thought that this would be my days:

• Get up and do a long devotion and study time.
• Get fully dressed, including hair and make up
• Gently wake my precious children with smiles and happiness
• Make a nutritious home-cooked breakfast
• Write a witty blog post that will encourage and lead others
• fill the day with fun, easy-going family activities, learning opportunities and restfulness
• Welcome home my White Knight with his favorite dinners and a sparkling clean home
• End the day with a quiet devotion and the sense that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and the satisfaction of being a stay at home mom.

During the school year I would also patiently help my son with his homework, bake cookies for my daughter's class and be the perfect sports and room mom.

You know, The Proverbs 31 woman for the year 2012.

Bahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

I have discovered that to be THAT woman I need to be a different woman! One that God has not either a: made me to be or b: started working in me to be. I have spent the last year being more disappointed in myself and my abilities than anything else.

Why in the world did I think I could be the P31 mom to perfection?

This summer I was more the crazy, unfocused, unorganized, scattered and stressed mom. But as the summer went along, and I got more focused about talking to and with God, and getting intentional about studying to better myself through God's Word I learned some things.  See if any of these sound familiar, or maybe something will let you take a deep breath and let some things go.

You can't be what God hasn't made you to be, but you can try to be a better you every day.

More often than not, I am going to screw up at some point each day. I will forget something, lose my temper, forget my priorities etc. God is really awesome about getting me back on track and helping me make amends where I need to, so there is no need to carry around the less-than-perfect mommy guilt. His mercies are new every morning.  Let. It. Go.

A clean house isn't an indication of my abilities as a mother. My children are. I learned that if my kids have clean clothes to wear and clean dishes to eat off of, then the rest can wait.

When my daughter tells me I am the best mom in the world, instead of feeling sorry for her that she has no better frame of reference, I can now honestly be thankful that I filled her love tank and I can also know that maybe, just maybe, today I earned an "atta girl" from my Heavenly Father as well.

Four short devotions, done with complete attention for 5-10 minutes throughout the day will help me stay focused on what is truly important as well as, if not better than, one long session in the morning. If I only get three pages of a study done, but I really think about those three pages for the rest of the day, I am growing and learning. It's not how much, but how deep.

Praying sounds more like day-long off and on conversations, muttering and exclamations these days, but God really really likes to hear from me whenever, wherever.

I will have so much time to blog when my kids are grown and gone. I miss being here more regularly and I hope to get back to my two a week postings soon, but watching my son play football, planting flowers with my daughter, and doing home repair and improvement projects with my White Knight, well those need to be done while I still have the opportunity to do them. Time flies away unnoticed all too often. I am trying to be here (in the moment with my family) which means sometimes I can't be here (blogging).

So what I thought being a stay at home mom would be like isn't anywhere close to what actually is. For me anyway. But I am getting more and more OK with that every day.

City on a hill

Sometimes the most profound thing you will hear is also the simplest.

I am posting a video by Kari Jobe. It is a song called We Are. The lyrics are based on some of my very favorite verses.

I am posting this on Good Friday because this song spoke of Jesus' love in just the right way to me, and is calling me on to share it. I hope that it might do the same to you.

This song simply says:

We are the light of the world

We are the city on a hill
We are the light of the world
We gotta, we gotta, we gotta let the light shine
Let the light shine, let the light shine
We are called to the spread the news
Tell the world the simple truth
Jesus came to save, there's freedom in His Name
So let His love break through

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others" Matthew 5:13-16

"So that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me." Philippians 2:15-18

Getting Undignified

Have you ever had this conversation at church?

"Raise your hands up high to ME".

"Uhhh.... no one else is. I think I will just close my eyes, will that be OK?"

"No, Raise your hands up high to ME".

"But God, that will be embarrassing. No one else is."

Or how about this one.

"Go to the altar."

"I can't. Everyone is watching."

"I want to meet you at the altar."

"But everyone will know I am not perfect if I walk up there. All by myself."

"You won't be alone. I will be with you. Go to the altar. There is freedom there."

"Maybe next week God. I'll just pray here today."

A few weeks ago during worship music, the praise team started playing my very favorite song. It's one of those songs that seems to come from no where when I need to hear it most. When I am feeling disconnected from God. When I have had a hard week. When I am questioning something. When I have been hurt by someone. It is just my song. I never know when it will show up, and I always know, deep inside, that God sends that song to me so that I can refocus myself directly to His heart.

Whenever I sing that song, I raise my hands. At church. At conferences. At home. In the car. I just do. I can't help it. But this last time, I was in the front of the church. It was the early service where there really aren't any "hand-raisers". I knew if I raised my hands, up there in front of the church, that everyone would look at me because I was, most likely, going to be the only one doing so. 

I didn't want to.

I didn't want everyone to look at me. I didn't want to stand out. 

And I almost didn't. 

But God put a Scripture in my heart last year, that helps me in these times.

David, wearing a linen ephod, danced before the LORD with all his might... David said to Michal, "It was before the LORD, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the LORD’s people Israel—I will celebrate before the LORD. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes." 2 Samuel 6:14, 21-22

I thought of David dancing in the streets, and the only one he acknowledged was God. It says he "danced before the LORD". There were hundreds, thousands, of people there to see the Ark brought home, and David didn't care. He danced with all his might, to praise and worship God.  How must he have looked? To the people, probably a little crazy, a little embarrassing. But to God? He looked beautiful.

So I did. I lifted my hands. I closed my eyes, lifted my hands, and felt a blessing that was mine alone. 

Not everyone feels a call or need to raise their hands. It isn't a requirement of proper worship. There is no such thing as proper worship. Worship is focusing your heart, mind and body on God and then giving your all. If you do that, you are properly worshiping, in what ever form it may take.

The same is true for a call to the altar. Not everyone feels it. Certain words, or feelings are pressed on us by the Holy Spirit to lead us to a special time of humility before God. He doesn't call us to the altar to embarrass us before our friends. He doesn't call us there to 'teach us a lesson'. He calls us there to do special business with our heart, to heal or grow our relationship with Himself. When we refuse to go, when we let appearance hold us back, we miss a special worship time with him. There is something about kneeling before God, praying and doing business with him, that leads to a time of celebration that is unlike other times. 

By being too dignified to go, to kneel, to weep and praise, we miss it. 

David even tells us that we will feel a little silly. But he said he was willing to be "humiliated in my own eyes".  That means we might get a little uncomfortable. Feel a little foolish. Feel, and look, a little undignified. Do it anyway.

The next time you feel the need to praise a little differently than everyone else, or feel a pull to the altar and you don't want to go.... get a little undignified. Raise those hands high. Walk in humble obedience to kneel before your God. Dance with all your might. Get a little more undignified. There is nothing like celebrating before the Lord, for His glory alone. 

In His Arms

I recently realized I was so disconnected from God I hadn't even noticed it had happened. I had been praying my list, trusting him to be in my day, but I couldn't remember the last time I had spent any time with him to just be near him, just us two in the quiet.

Last weekend I went to a wonderful conference called RefresHER. It is a one day conference that is to do just that. Refresh us. Renee Swope was the speaker. She spoke on confidence and allowing ourselves to be seen, built and established through the love and redemption of God's plan for us. I taught a workshop on praying for your children. It was a wonderful day and I felt very refreshed and re-purposed to focus my vision on God, so I would remember to see myself as he does.

Then I realized, I hadn't focused my eyes upwards in quite some time.

God had been speaking to me, blessing me, guiding me, and I hadn't taken any time to just rest with God and be in his presence. To be thankful for all he has given me.

Has that ever happened to you? You realized you were living in the blessing, soaking it in, and giving nothing back? I don't know about you, but when I realized it, I felt like a spoiled, ungrateful brat. Not so much as a "thank you" had been sent heaven-ward in who knows how long.

Wednesday, I got my daughter off to pre-school, came home, turned off everything but my laptop and settled into my favorite chair. I turned on my praise and prayer playlist, grabbed my Bible, my Priscilla Shirer study on Jonah, and my favorite devotion book. I spent the whole afternoon singing, lifting my hands, reading my Bible, and doing my study. I had, in essence, curled up in my Daddy's lap to spend the afternoon cuddling. When I closed my Bible and shut off my music, I felt like a completely different person.

Can I encourage you to do the same? It might not be a whole afternoon. it might be an hour, thirty minutes, or 10 minutes waiting in the carpool lane at school. You will not regret the time you give God to just love him.

One of the songs I listened to, and that really helped me to feel close to my Jesus, was a song I heard at the conference. It is called "In Your Arms" by Meredith Andrews.

For the next four minutes and thirty-one seconds, would you turn off everything but your speakers, close your eyes, and just sit in God's lap? I guarantee it will be time well-spent.

Making Your Home a Haven - 31 Day Challenge

You are going to love this!

As you may (or may not!) know, Autumn is my absolutely favorite season. I just love everything about it, even those dreary, chilly, rainy days. I love watching the farmers in the fields harvesting their crops. I love watching the world turn colors as it prepares to sleep away the winter cold. I love the warmth of a bonfire as we toast marshmallows and cook hot dogs while sipping hot chocolate and laughing. I love the sound of leaves crunching under our feet as we take the dog for walks. I love getting my trunk ready for Trunk or Treat at our church every Halloween. I love the baking and decorating and cooking that seems to only come around during the autumn months.

You get the idea. I LOVE AUTUMN!

And now, I have one more thing to love.

check out this amazing challenge over at Women Living Well Ministries.  This is a do-able challenge for anyone and I can't wait for it to get started!

To share with you...

Sometimes there are things that are just too good not to share. I am posting some things that have inspired, encouraged or otherwise made my day in some way.

10 Points of Joyful Parenting sits on my fridge door. I look at it as often as I need to (to re-adjust my attitude) or want to find a way to focus back in on what this parenting thing is all about. While you are there, take the time to savor the writing of Ann Voskamp. You will be blessed indeed.

A friend and I recently had a conversation about hearing from God. What's it like? How do I know? Is it a voice? A feeling? This I ran across this wonderful gift on Lysa TerKeurst's website.

I was reading Karen Ehman's blog (so wonderfully titled Live Your Priorities, Love Your Life) today and she shared what has become my number one favorite song. Chris Tomlin's All My Fountains. I have listened to it about 20 times today. LOVE. IT.

My ladies ministry at church has started Priscilla Shirer's Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted Bible study. I'm already hooked. Get it? Hooked.

LeAnn Rice over at She Cooks has a recipe that makes all the other recipes jealous. Try this Marble Cheesecake with Dark Chocolate Ganache.

I will be creating these cute little pumpkin people for my front porch this weekend.

And finally...

Football season is winding down, and that makes my heart sad, but my very handsome guard made my Momma Heart very very proud!

And how could we leave out one very cute Jr. Cheerleader sister?

My babies.

A quick observation

I was in Nashville over the weekend and I observed something quite interesting.

Tucked all around where I was were little bits and pieces of beauty. Quiet little spots to look at nature and relax in the shade while you could sit and watch the world. Little spaces dedicated to green, to nature, to beauty.

No one was there.

Broadway is a busy rush of humanity. Pushing, shopping, partying. There was loud music blaring every twenty feet, bright lights flashing, overpriced food, overpriced drinks, cheap items selling high.

All those people on vacation, in a hurry to cram as much “relaxation” in as they could; hurried past those quiet little spots of rest.

When did we decide that relaxing meant shopping? That vacation meant the hustle and bustle of loud, bright and garish?

Isn't that how we spend our lives anymore? Hurrying from one thing we think we want to another, going so fast we miss all the little bits of beauty that are designed to inspire us along the way?

These observations have flowed over into my day-to-day life as well. How often do I get up with a list of things to get done, and completely miss all those little moments that could have been memories?

The hustle and bustle of laundry and cleaning, the hurrying from one errand to the next, the frustrations of customer service calls. I walk right past the pile of crayons and paper, the swing hanging under the tree, the pretty note cards I bought to send to friends, the pile of blankets that can instantly become a fort.

My little vacation was restful and enjoyable. I made a point for it to be so. But it also re-affirmed to me that I create more stress for myself than I think I do. I can also make a point for my normal day-to-day to be enjoyable as well. It takes only a little bit of intentionality, and a whole lot of slowing down.

What is one thing that you wish you had time to do? One thing that you want to take from a missed moment to a cherished memory?

Find a way to make it happen. Let the quiet spots become something you seek with purpose. Be intentional about enjoying the day you are given.

I don't like your gift

How would you feel if someone opened your gift and made a face, made fun of it, ignored it or rejected it? 

You spent hours working on this gift.

You created it from your heart specifically for the person that was to receive it.

You customized it to fit them perfectly and to show them to their best advantage. After all that the gift is rejected for one reason or another. They politely said either directly or indirectly: "It's not really me. No thank you."

And in your heart, you felt you were rejected too.

Lest we climb up on our wounded-heart soapbox and look down upon those who would do such a thing, let's look at some of the gifts we have received with, shall we say less-than gracious thanksgiving...

How does God feel when we do the same with the spiritual gifts he has - with great consideration, given us?

Recently, I agreed to do my first dramatic presentation. I was to perform in front of my church on a day when there would be many visitors. While initially I was excited to explore this opportunity, the closer the day came, the more I started refusing the gift that God has given me.

"I can't do this. I am too scared. I am going to forget all my lines and mess it all up. I am going to look silly. I think I over-act."

My list was as long as my arm as to why I couldn't do it. Finally the night came. I was terrified. One of the kids in our church was also giving her first dramatic presentation and right before she was to go on, she was overcome with her fear. While I was encouraging her that she was going to do great, had nailed it in practice and that God was right there with her, I was led to say "It is when we are terrified, and do it anyway, that God is most pleased with us. He blesses that." As soon as I said it, I realized God wanted me to hear that too.

I was rejecting his gift. I was telling Him it didn't fit me and that I didn't want it.

when I realized what I had been telling God I was embarrassed. I was rejecting a gift he had already given me because I was too scared to use it.

Then I simply told God I wanted to do it, but couldn't without Him. I needed His words. I accepted the gift of speaking and dramatic presentation and went for it.

As I was on that stage, I have never felt the presence of Jesus as strongly or as real as I did that night. I felt if I looked up, I would look right at him, he was that real to me. Afterward, several people came up to me to tell me how touched they were by what I had said. Only working in the power of God's gifting, in the place he has called us to be, will bring that closeness to him and the ability to minister to others hearts.

All callings are based on a gift that God has given. A gift specifically designed and created for use to not only glorify Himself, but to bring the bearer of the gift closer to God's heart.

"6Having gifts (faculties, talents, qualities) that differ according to the grace given us, let us use them: [He whose gift is] prophecy, [let him prophesy] according to the proportion of his faith; 7[He whose gift is] practical service, let him give himself to serving; he who teaches, to his teaching; 8He who exhorts (encourages), to his exhortation; he who contributes, let him do it in simplicity and liberality; he who gives aid and superintends, with zeal and singleness of mind; he who does acts of mercy, with genuine cheerfulness and joyful eagerness."

Romans 12:6-8, Amplified

We can't all be the worship leader, or the creative artist, or the eloquent speaker. Not everyone is equipped to be a bold and ready street evangelist. Not everyone can give a dramatic presentation that touches hearts.

But we also can't all be the one who can organize a funeral dinner in under 24 hours. Or the person that sees that one flower or shrub that would bring balance and warmth to the entrance of the sanctuary. We can't all be the one that sees the details and leaves a shine on the floor, full paper towel dispensers and spotless glass in all the entrance doors. There has to be someone to design and print the bulletins and someone to run the sound and media. There has to be someone to be silly and crazy and share the love of Jesus with a bunch of kids.

When we search out a job or task that is outside of our calling  not only are we taking the place of someone who is called to that task but we are telling God "No thanks. You picked the wrong gift for me."

Don't you think he might feel a little rejected?

I have done my fair share of explaining why I can't, or won't, or shouldn't. I have spent too much time in areas that were not mine to serve in and running from the ones that I am called to.

No one else can do what we are gifted to do. When we aren't using our gifts, something is missing. Not acting in our gifts leaves a hole in your church's ministry to others. No matter what your gifting is. What would the Body of Christ look like if we embraced our gifts and used them? How many people would we reach? How much closer to God would we be?

Be encouraged. Even if you feel you have lost the opportunity to use a gift in the past, God will bring more ways to use it if you ask Him. Be open, be willing to say "yes" when you are invited outside your comfort zone and "no" when you are offered something where you are not called.  

Amazingly, the places we are most meant to be are usually the places that stretch us the most, bring the most fear, and take the most from us. And after we have given all the emotion, energy, thought and faith we can, we see that God did something totally amazing through us and it brought glory to His name.

And remember what your mom taught you: "No matter what, don't forget to say thank you for whatever you get."

Blessed is she...

"Blessed is she, who has believed, that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished."

Luke 1:45

My entire relationship with Jesus can be summed up in this one verse. From the first time I read it years ago it has been the one verse that I feel completely reflects my relationship with Jesus.I quote it all the time, it is the tag-line on all of my email, I sign it on cards, I share it to encourage others.

Why? I am currently studying Beth Moore's Believing God Bible study and in it she talks about speaking out truth from Scripture. Following are 10 wonderful promises that we can name and claim as our own as Daughters of the Most High King.

“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.”

Isaiah 12:2

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Ephesians 2:8-10

“Praise be to the LORD, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The LORD is my strength and my shield;

my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.”

Psalm 28:6-7

“The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.”

Isaiah 58:11

“Because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

Romans 8:14-15

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.”

Romans 8:26-27

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:37-39

“And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.”

Colossians 2:15

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

James 1:5

“But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.”

James 1:25

And in the silence comes a word

I miss my little bloggy corner of the world. It is like I am in my most comfy chair with my blankie and my diet Dr. Pepper chatting with some really great girlfriends about God, life, chocolate and purses.

My life has been a crazy whirlwind of, well, everything. I will give you a quick catch-up.

Kevin has taken off as a 5th grader. His grades have improved, his reading and learning disabilities have taken a decided up-swing, he is becoming slightly more responsible (I say slightly because let's face it, he is a pre-teen boy. I only expect so much!), and is still finding his own in the sports arena. For the last three months it has been basketball. I have discovered that it is not only football where I am "that Mom". Yes, I am "that Mom" for basketball too. I went on YouTube and taught myself how to set a pick, box out and what the positions on the court are supposed to be doing. So I could coach more effectively from the stands. Yes, it went over as well as you would expect. He completely ignores me. Oh well, I am having a blast watching him play.

Somehow a thirteen year old girl is living in my three year old daughter's body. She never sits, never quits talking, has hormone swings every twenty minutes and I devastate her whole world if I won't let her wear a dress to play around the house or wear her fancy Sunday dress that Grandma made her to bed. She will cook in her kitchen, craft at the table for hours and bounce like a bouncy ball during her weekly tumbling class. She asks to go to church every day, loves her best friend and basically thinks she rules the world. The best part, though, is when she cuddles up with me on the couch with stack of books and we just read until we both are not able to keep our eyes open any longer.

Bob and I went to a marriage conference that was generously provided by our church family. I highly recommend " A Weekend To Remember" for anyone who is married. Happily, desperately, hopelessly. It doesn't matter. You will walk out with a fresh, inspired perspective on yourself, your spouse, your marriage and as a parent. Anyway, neither Bob nor I like to talk about the important stuff with each other. We are now like that awkward couple you see in the comedies that have gone to marriage counselling and now use the "communication tools".

"It sounds like you are saying _____________. Is that what you intended to say or am I misinterpreting your meaning."

"It really hurts my feelings when you _________________. I know you don't intend to hurt my feelings and I will make an effort to understand you did not mean it the way I took it."

Awkward.

But it works.

I have been traveling through this most amazing journey that started with Lysa TerKeurst's Made to Crave. I have found a certain level of confidence in who I am in God. I truly do trust that I am beautiful. Now, not to say that if I look I wouldn't find some things that I would like to change about my appearance, but the key is, I no longer go looking for them. I can look in the mirror and love my spunky haircut, my eyes, and my smile. I look past the parts that aren't as thin as I would like to the fact that God has provided me with clothing that compliment me and are comfortable. I feel good in what I wear. I feel comfortable in the skin God put me in. I see the woman that loves Jesus desperately, that is serving in her strengths and at the end of the day, feels like she accomplished something, even if it was small in the grand scheme of things.

Do I still struggle with things? YES! Just tonight in our ladies Bible study God showed me two areas of my life that are spiritual deserts. I had never noticed my lack of faith over these two things because my faith in God is so strong in others. I always wondered how I could believe for the good that God wants for my life, and even that He is willing to work these changes in me, but for some reason I just couldn't get out of God's way. Now I know. I don't see this being an easy time ahead. It never is when God is demanding control and I am unwilling to give it up, even though I know it is what is best for me.

I am unsure what my future looks like. Abby will be entering Pre-K next fall, Kevin will be in junior high, and I will be entering a new season of motherhood. What does that mean? I don't have a clue.

I will begin teaching in our children's ministry next month. I am very excited. And scared. I might be all they see of Jesus in a week. I need to make sure it is the right reflection. Jesus. Not me.

God is showing me new ways to serve and lead in our women's ministry and worship arts. Things that I have never considered before. Artistic ways. Very personal ways. It might seem like all forms of worship are easy for me, as much as I love to praise God, but I am just like everyone else. It is hard to stand before others and be raw and honest in my worship; shutting out the world and worshipping God alone, while still trying to lead others to that place of raw honesty as well. What uncomfortable place will God call me to next? I don't know. I just know I hope I will, with shaky voice and twisted stomach, say "yes" to whatever He asks of me.

I am by no means where God is taking me, but I am on a journey that is an exciting ride. I miss my bloggy world. I wish I had time (and energy) to visit every day. I miss putting into written word the things God shows me when I take the time to look and listen to His voice. I hope to once again post with regularity, but this season of my life is busy. I can't guarantee anything, but I can tell you that when I do have time to post, it will be about what God is doing in my life. The pretty and the painful.

Walking On The Stars

"But I trust in you, LORD; I say, 'You are my God.'”  Psalm 31:14

This is one of my new favorite songs.

I am trying to stay in a very "up" place. It is what you would call my new year resolution, if you like. Joy and obedience and perserverence are a choice. We can choose to look beyond this moment, this choice, this circumstance, to what God wants for us. We know we can trust him, that his plans for us are good, and that we will ultimately be in God's will if we seek only to glorify Him with each choice that we make. By choosing joy, obedience and perserverence, we can not only make it though whatever our life looks like, we will be walking closely with God. Every step.

This song shows how I see walking with God. It is so fun and beautiful. I hope you enjoy!

Lyrics below.



Take me away


Save me from myself and all I do

Life just aint the same when I’m with you

I can climb the sky you got me walking on the stars

Now, I can see the world from way up high

Troubles I once knew I left behind

I can climb the sky you got me walking on the stars



I see my life sometimes and I ask why

My heart became like stone and turned to ice tell me what have I become

But you came just in time like a shooting star across my universe out of the dark tell me what have I become



I see life through new set of eyes

Set on someone different that I never realized

Outside my mind is a lost world that lies

But step into my thoughts you’ll believe you can fly

Your words like wings gravity they defy

My heart like a leaf on the wind catchin rides

They say we can’t make it at least we gotta try

We make to much sense to foolishly pass it by

So I’m taking a rainbow up to the 5th floor

Steppin out to see that you’re really worth more and I

See our love in 3D

No more 2 dimensional worries

Climb until the sky don’t exist no more

That’s when I’ll knock knock on your front door

Open to the possibilities I ignored

But I know now exactly what our love was meant for



(Bridge)

And I can see, much more clear

When I’m lost in your atmosphere

You pull me close, to the place

Where you’re always waiting

So I won’t stop, the walls are down

Make my way at the speed of sound

Hold me now hold me now


Check out Amy's Blog for more great songs!!

Your Love

The more I ask God to break me down the more He does. As I find more and more that I need to give over to him, the more this song makes sense. And the more that I tell God all I need is His love, the more I truly believe it.

Enjoy this song. It is shaping up to be my theme song for 2011.

Head over to Amy's when you are done and check out some more great songs to start your year off right!

Happy New Year!

The Shepherds and the Magi

Each played a part.
One "spread the word concerning all they had been told about this child... glorifying God for all the things they had heard and seen."

The other "bowed down and worshipped him."

THE SHEPHERDS

"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”



Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,


“Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told."
Luke 2:8-20 (NIV)




THE MAGI

"After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.”



When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. When he had called together all the people’s chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Messiah was to be born. “In Bethlehem in Judea,” they replied, “for this is what the prophet has written:


‘But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
for out of you will come a ruler
who will shepherd my people Israel.’


Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. He sent them to Bethlehem and said, “Go and search carefully for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him.”


After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen when it rose went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh."
Matthew 2:1-11 (NIV)



We are to be like both, bowing down in worship of him, as well as spreading the word and glorifying him for all the things we have heard and seen.
 
Merry Christmas

Unspeakable Joy!

I have always liked Joy To The World but once again, Chris Tomlin takes something beautiful and then takes it to the next level. My favorite new song of the season!

Have a wonderful week before Christmas by finding time to be alone with Jesus and worship with everything you have. His favorite gift is YOU!



Head over to Amy's for a great Christmas music offering!

Love Me

This week I am posting JJ Heller's "Love Me".  I had previously written an entry on my blog that fits with this song. It is here.

I have been so blessed by JJ Heller's pure voice and worship. I pray you are as blessed.



Visit Amy to hear more great songs.

Thanksgiving

Before the holiday season is off and running away from us, I thought it would be nice to just sit quietly for a few minutes and think about what we have to be thankful for.  To look at God and just say, "thank you" in the quiet of our thoughts and hearts. 


I found this song and it was the perfect background for this activity. I hope you are blessed by it.


"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."


Colossians 2:6-7


"I will give you thanks in the great assembly; among the throngs I will praise you."


Psalm 35:18


"But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content."


Psalm 131:2



For more things to be thankful for, head over to Signs, Miracles and Wonders for her Thanksgiving week offerings.

Where Oh Where and Dreams Are Coming

Where oh where did all this life come from?

It seems the days get shorter and my to-do list gets longer. As the kids get older they have more activities. 

As I grow in my spiritual walk I have more "God appointments".

As I get busier outside the home the housework doubles.

As I focus on all that, I have to figure out how to get a date night in for my hard-working hubby.

And somewhere in all that, a day just for myself would be just peachy-keen, jelly bean!

I miss my writing, but can't seem to find the time to put more than a sentence or two together. Then the thoughts are gone completely. I am writing this at 2:30am. It is the only alone-time I have for now. That's ok, but sometimes what seems inspired at 2:30am sounds wacky and slightly concerning for my mental status at 10:00am. If this post ends up falling into the wacky instead of inspired category, well, at least I finally posted something, right?

I love my life right now. I wouldn't change it for anything. But I am left to wonder, where oh where did all this life come from? 

God constantly reminds me to have margin, to organize and to prioritize. And now, all of a sudden, I am being told that I need to dream. In devotions. In conversations. In other's blog posts. In a random web-page that I found while searching for something completely un-related. Even in songs. 

I have so many dreams. So many things I want to do, to see, to experience. I was over at Beth Moore's Blog and she asked a question in her "If I Could, I Would..." post. My answers?

1.            be a stay-at-home mom/writer
2.         learn to read, write and speak Russian and Italian, then spend a month or two in each country,    coming alongside ministries working with women and teens caught in and rescued from the human trafficking industry.
3.         spend tons of my time with my family traveling to see all of God’s amazing artistry in nature

The amazing thing is that these dreams are just the tip of the iceberg. I have so many things, but those three just rolled right out of my keyboard and onto the screen. 

Sometimes to begin dreaming, you have to let go of the old dream.

Bob and I are ending our time in youth ministry this month and I am so very sad. It isn't as if we are leaving the church and will never see them again, but things will be different. 

Change.

I usually like it, but in this instance, eh, not so much.

We have been in the Barn for almost five years and I have grown to love the ministry, the work, the potential, the frustrations and the joys. Now we have to step away.

We will begin our new phase of in-church ministry October 1st as the new leaders of the new college and young adult ministry. I am very excited about this opportunity, and a little nervous.  Just as I should be.  And on the bright side, I will have all of my current students back in my ministry within a few years at most. 

Is this what all the dream-focused God whispers are about?

I don't think so.

We are developing our women's ministry. I am excited to see what part I will play in it over the coming year. 

I never, ever, EVER would have guessed that I would speak to a group of women for an hour and a half, but I did it this summer, and it was an amazing God-thing. I came away happy and convinced I had done just what God had wanted me to. 

What a feeling!

Is that where all the dream-nudging is pushing me? More and deeper in women's ministry? 

I don't think so.

You see, I can dream and hope and imagine all I want, but I will never see as much as God does. And I know that He has dreams for me.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

“your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
       How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,
       they would outnumber the grains of sand.”

Psalm 139:16-19

God has big, God-sized dreams for me. 

It is so important to be open to the desires and longings I feel. To the talents I have, the gifts given to me. These are the things that God will use. 

But if I only look for the dreams that I can comprehend, then I am going to miss that big, God-dream that He created me for. The thing that will glorify Him above all others. 

“everyone who is called by my name,
       whom I created for my glory,
       whom I formed and made.”

Isaiah 43:7

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”

2 Corinthians 3:17-18

So, as I move forward, I will do my best to keep my heart, my eyes, and my hands open to the dreams that seem to be on their way to me. Soon I will sit down and write a list of all the dreams I could possibly dream for myself. Wishes, hopes and desires that will make up my "if I could, I would..." list. Then I will keep my eyes open for God to take my dreams even further than those.

So, dear reader, when was the last time you let go and just dreamed, then gave it to God to take your dreams even further than that?

Safe

I just love this song. Jesus is my safe harbor for everything. Singing songs like this are such a praise moment for me because I have been in the whirlwind of the world, and I know what peace Jesus brings.



Signs, Miracles and Wonders has more songs for praising.

Mommy Rhapsody

This is FUNNY! I love it, and if you are "just a mom" you will love it too!




Go visit Amy at Signs, Miracles and Wonders for more great music for your weekend!