Pastime activities and time passing

Just stopping in for a minute to let you know that I am still around! Things always get busy for our family in the fall. Little Man, who is the same height I am now, is just about to wrap up his football season. More losses than wins this year but as a team they have played well. We have just been playing some giants! Several times my 5 foot 8 inch tall boy has gone up against kids that were so big he bounced off them when he hit them, but he kept at it! Two more games, two days of rest, then right into practice for basketball season. He is holding his own in school right now and so we are well begun into our year of seventh grade adventures. We have his IEP meeting this week so any prayers for wisdom and guidance will be gratefully and gladly accepted!

Little bit is running me crazy! She is loving school, and is starting to show some interest in specific things that we can encourage. I do believe our little star will be getting a kareoke machine for Christmas, and possibly a keyboard. I have read several articles that five is a great age to begin keyboard lessons. She is going to be able to learn the music alphabet, what each note looks like and does, and how to position her fingers. By the time she is seven, if she would like to transition or add another instrument, then she will already have basic music concepts covered. I am thinking she will really like this! She has also developed a love of puzzles and we are doing our best to keep her stocked with challenging ones!

I have discovered that I have no hobbies to update you on. Unless it's walking. I don't really consider that a hobby though. I walk to keep my attitude in check and to keep my cardiovascular and muscle systems fit. But it isn't really something that I would call a hobby. I am up to about 5 miles a day, 2-3 days a week. I do feel better for it though.

 I believe this is what they call a season, this time of others focus. But I really think I need to find something that is all my own. There are lots of things I want to try, but the biggest of them is learning archery. We had an outdoor sports expo outreach at our church over the summer and I really enjoyed shooting! Now, I said ARCHERY, not HUNTING. Big difference. I want to shoot at paper targets taped to straw bales. NOT Bambi. Maybe this can be a goal for 2013. 

I am currently blogging for books. you may have noticed in my last few posts. I love reading and with our reduced budget for books, I have found this a cost-effective way to feed my addiction, while providing a great service to some really good writers!

OK, time for me to be off and doing. I am still busy in kids ministry and I need to go decorate our classrooms for October curriculum. I will be back to write as soon as I can. Until then, I will leave you with a passage that is really warming my heart these days:

But now, this is what the Lord says—  he who created you, O Jacob,    he who formed you, O Israel:“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;    I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters,    I will be with you;and when you pass through the rivers,    they will not sweep over you.When you walk through the fire,    you will not be burned;    the flames will not set you ablaze.For I am the Lord, your God,    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;I give Egypt for your ransom,    Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight,    and because I love you,I will give men in exchange for you,    and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you;

Isaiah 43:1-5

Walking around with rocks in my shoes

When I was out for a walk the other day I got a little tiny stone in my shoe. One that was itty bitty tiny. I was about three and half miles into my walk and was at a nice brisk pace so I didn't want to stop and ruin my rhythm by taking off my shoe and shaking it out.

 

So I kept going.

 

I would shake my foot but that little tiny stone wouldn't move. I stopped long enough to bang my toe on the road a few times to move the itty bitty annoyance, but it still didn't move. I kept walking and with each block, that stone got bigger. By the time I turned the corner at the end of the road it felt like I had a boulder in my shoe. My foot was starting to hurt and all I could focus on was that stone in my shoe. I finally stopped and took my shoe off, but not before I had a pretty tender spot on the ball of my foot. It was sore all that evening and into the next day.

 

Sitting here at the end of today, I realize that sometimes things that happen in our life are like that little tiny stone.

 

I had something happen this morning that, while not big in the grand scheme of life, was enough to annoy me. But instead of sitting down right then and really talking it over with God, maybe look up a few verses, or even call to mind some of the ones I have stored in my heart, I let that situation sit there for awhile.

 

Then I tried to move it to the side, but it didn't go anywhere.

 

Then I took a couple bangs at it in my own power. Yeah, you can imagine how well that worked out.

 

I tried to ignore it for awhile but by this afternoon my attitude was sore, worn down and painful.

 

How often do we let something small have a really big influence on us, simply because we aren't willing to stop and deal with it as soon as we notice it? If you are like me, probably too often to want to admit.

 

If I had only thought to stop and ask for a Word, I probably would have found the verses below hours ago. They talk about salvation, freedom, trust, hope and obedience. All things I could have used a reminder of this morning. And if I had found these words, I wouldn't have ended the day with a sore and battered attitude.

I could have spent the day trusting God instead of focusing on that one little thing that was irritating me.

 

May I offer these verses to tuck inside your heart for the next time you have a little stone that needs to be removed?

May your unfailing love come to me, Lord,
your salvation, according to your promise;  
then I can answer anyone who taunts me,
for I trust in your word.
Never take your word of truth from my mouth,
for I have put my hope in your laws.
 I will always obey your law,
for ever and ever.
I will walk about in freedom,
for I have sought out your precepts. 
I will speak of your statutes before kings
and will not be put to shame, 
for I delight in your commands
because I love them. 
I reach out for your commands, which I love,
that I may meditate on your decrees.
Psalm 119:41-48

City on a hill

Sometimes the most profound thing you will hear is also the simplest.

I am posting a video by Kari Jobe. It is a song called We Are. The lyrics are based on some of my very favorite verses.

I am posting this on Good Friday because this song spoke of Jesus' love in just the right way to me, and is calling me on to share it. I hope that it might do the same to you.

This song simply says:

We are the light of the world

We are the city on a hill
We are the light of the world
We gotta, we gotta, we gotta let the light shine
Let the light shine, let the light shine
We are called to the spread the news
Tell the world the simple truth
Jesus came to save, there's freedom in His Name
So let His love break through

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others" Matthew 5:13-16

"So that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me." Philippians 2:15-18

Finding balance

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23

Finding balance isn't easy for me. I started the year with a simplified schedule. I cut out several things that I like doing so that I would be able to do other things with more focus and so that I would have more margin. 

It is only the middle of March and I am once again heading toward over-commitment. 

Why is this such a problem for me? I think I have figured it out. Lack of self-control. 

We generally think of self-control when it comes to eating, money, shopping or our temper, but saying no takes a lot more self control that you might think.

I don't get bogged down in things that I hate to do. OK, putting away laundry and hand-washing floors are not things that I love, but I don't hate them. I get overwhelmed by things that are good. That are fun. That I like to do! Serving in one too many ministries at church. Offering help to one more friend. Saying yes to that one temporary job outside the home. Scheduling too many extracurricular activities for our family. One too many lunches with my friends.

I have been known to spend the majority of my time on something trying to "get it in order", but I then am forced to spend extra time somewhere else to make up for it. For example: I decided I needed to put my need to exercise on the front burner because I wanted to get healthy (and lets face it, slimmer and sexier!). I spent a couple weeks putting in tons of extra time trying to walk my way thin and neglected my housework. I then realized that I had a disgusting house and had to spend extra time getting it back in order. My exercise went out the window. Another example: I teach our church's kindergarten thru 5th grade class during one of our main services and I love it. But I also am part of the worship team which feeds my spirit. Last year during the week before Easter I was at the church every afternoon/evening working on something. No exercise or housework or family time that week. by Sunday, you know, EASTER Sunday (My absolute favorite day of the year by the way!) I was so sick I couldn't go to church. I missed my favorite church day, my favorite day of the year because I was so overworked and run down that I became sick. 

Good things don't necessarily make them the right things to be doing. I am once again figuring out how to thin down our family's to-do's so that we can spend more time together. I don't want our summer to be a series of timetables, chore charts and busy busy busy. Not only does this create a home environment that is hurried and chaotic, but it also creates hurried and chaotic emotions and thoughts. 

By using the above verse from Galatians, I have a great scale to weigh our schedule on. Here are a few ways to figure out if what you are comptemplating adding to your schedule should really be there:

Love: Ask yourself if this is something that will allow you and or your family to show love to each other or those outside your family. If it is just something fun to do and will take up valuable time, it might be something you need to pass on... for now.

Joy: Will I or my family be able to experience and share true joy through this activity or commitment?

Peace: Will I be able to keep the peace of our home if I add this? Our home is to be a place of rest and refuge for every person that lives there. If I am adding chaos or clutter that I can't keep up with, it isn't worth it.

Patience: I know I have this in limited supply so I need to ask myself - is my schedule set in such a way as to help me tend my patience, or will it send me off on an emotional explosion by the end of the day, week or month?

Kindness: Will this activity allow either me or my family to show kindness to others? 

Goodness: Will I be honoring God intentionally with this activity?

Faithfulness: Will adding something else to my schedule keep me from being faithful to God in honoring my quiet time, Bible study and prayer?

Gentleness: Will I and/or my family be able to do this activity with gentleness or will we fill rushed and have the possibility of hurting ourselves or others through thoughts, words or deeds?

Self-control: After looking at the situation thoroughly, make a decision based on wisdom and discernment. Do I say yes, no or later? Then do it and stick to my decision.

It's a long, hard list to consider. We tend to seek and desire the best, the newest, the brightest, the most. Because of this mentality, we have taken good things and placed them in a position of power in our lives. 

~ We work longer to acquire things and are tired and worn out all the time because of it.

~ Once we get those things we give them too much of our time and attention.

~ We serve more to prove our heart, even though it just doesn't work that way with God.

~ We have more activities to keep us entertained and yet we become disconnected and lose focus on the important things in the process. 

We are tired, stressed and stretched to our limit. 

I have spent the last week looking at and considering my and my family's pace and focus. Can I encourage you to do the same? 

God did not intend our lives to be too fast, too full and too stressed. He has given us the tools and ability to make an informed, intentional decision regarding everything in our lives. I have determined to take back my schedule and my family's schedule. 

Will you join me?

Struggling with the Sovereign

I was going to follow up my previous post with talking about perfect parent syndrome. It is one of the chapters in the book Parenting Beyond Your Capacity by Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof. Actually they talk about Stock Family syndrome and how it starts with wanting to appear perfect, especially as the perfect parent. I was going to talk about how I struggle with wanting to be the perfect parent. 

But my life the last week has been more about my kids. One in particular. My son. My funny, athletic, tender-hearted, hugging, turning into a teenager son. About how I want him to be more normal and how my faith shakes. 

At least for a little bit.

We had his  latest IEP meeting (Individualized Education Plan) and when we got the results from his reading assessments for the year, it hurt. Practically no improvement this year. At the start of the school year, I was so hopeful and excited to see what God was going to do this year. I was believing Him for big things. For big improvements. And apparently, for something that isn't in His timing and plan. At least, not now.

Every time I have to go to an IEP meeting, or meet with a teacher regarding his reading, I come out heart-sick, angry and let down. 

The truth is, I feel all those things toward God. 

As a parent, to watch your kid struggle with something just breaks your heart, but to put on top of it something that feels like misplaced faith in a God who you believe in and love so much, sometimes it just feels too much to bear. 

I think, "Wouldn't it be better to give up believing God is in this than to believe that He is choosing to allow this for my son?"

I struggle mightily with the fact that my son has something that I can't help him past. That my role in all this is to support and encourage and pray, but not to fix.

In the way that He always does, God listened. He acknowledged everything I was feeling. How do I know? I just do. I feel it inside. I feel like I have been heard. I feel like God wants me to let it out, to share everything with him, even the ugly stuff that I am scared to say, but can't hold in. Even in the midst of being angry and hurt, I still feel like he wants me to bring it all, everything I have, blasting with both barrels or crying out a broken heart. 

And I do. 

Blast away with both barrels and cry. Accuse him of disinterest. Of being unfair. 

After I had had a day to work around my anger and remind myself that God loves my son, and is working out something in his character that will glorify the Lord, that will show my son the sovereignty of His plan and His love for my boy, I picked up my current Bible study for our ladies group.

Now, I am not going to tell you I was feeling particularly excited to get into my study. We are studying David and I felt about as far from the man after God's own heart as I could get. I still wasn't particularly interested in spending time with God yet, but I have made a commitment to do the study and so I opened the pages and grudgingly began to fill in the blanks and read the Scriptures noted inside.

And wouldn't you know it, there God was. I had no idea what the study had in store for us this week, where the author would take us, or what Scripture would be applied. But guess what? God did.

We are doing Beth Moore's study "David: Seeking a Heart Like His". This is what I read:

"When we wait on God, He gives supernatural strength and accomplishes the inconceivable.  did you notice how God gave David the vision for the temple but his offspring was to build it? God can entrust a vision or an idea to us that may be ours to pray about and prepare for, but not participate in directly....." 

A couple of paragraphs later I read this: 

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32

In His sovereignty, He knew exactly what I would be struggling with, and He knew exactly what I would be reading. I tend to think that he was sitting there, waiting for me to catch up with Him. After I read what I read, I had the distinct feeling that God was saying, 

"You, my daughter, forget who I AM. I couldn't wait for you to get here. I knew that we needed to meet right here and I wanted you to see me show up right on time... like you just said I never do. I love you, and am ALWAYS involved in everything that hurts you, that makes you cry, that tries to pull your heart from ME. You are never alone in your hurt. And what you seem to forget so easily is that I love your son more than you will ever be able to understand; I am with him through all of this, every second of it. Every step of struggle, my hand is on his shoulder."

In that little section of study, God showed me that I was not waiting on him, that I was wanting to see things done my way, in my timeline. 

He was reminding me that He will only move in His way and His time because they are good and perfect, and my plans are... well.... not.

He sees so many things that I never will, has planned things I know nothing about. And I tend to forget that He loves my boy so much more than I do and that I will never comprehend the depth of it.

He reminded me that I need to keep praying for and preparing for what God is going to do in my son's life, but what God is doing with and in Him is between the two of them alone. 

And he reminded me that He had given up His own Son just so He could do these things for my son.

So, no post about perfect parenting today, just an honest glimpse into how God shows up to comfort a heart that is doubtful, angry and hurting.

 He is so good. All the time.

 Even when I tell Him he isn't, he patiently waits for me to figure it out.

And then we start again on this Walk of Faith between a Sovereign God and a fickle, doubting faith-girl.

Parenting BEYOND your capacity

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."2 Corinthians 12:9

After school is my favorite time of day. I love it when the door flies open and the kids come in chatting about their day, showing me things and settling in after a hard day. 

Yesterday I had laid out several snack options on the counter for them to choose from. They got their snack, started homework and after-school activities, and I didn't get the other snack options put away as quickly as I normally would. I went into the kitchen later and discovered they were all gone. Both kids swore up, down and side-ways that they hadn't touched them. Since the dog can't open the packages by herself and the cat refuses anything that doesn't have the words "seafood feast" on it, I was pretty sure it had to be one of them. They both stubbornly refused to admit to taking the extra snacks. Finally, frustrated and truthfully, really disappointed that the guilty party would allow their sibling to get in trouble too, I gave the same punishment to both. Fair? I guess. It is a hard call to make when you know one is innocent, but the guilty party just won't back down.

This situation really got me to thinking how wearing parenting can be. All day long there are little choices, little decisions that we have to make. Teachable moments are all around and opportunities come along where you have to decide, show grace or teach that decisions have consequences. It is enough to have any parent running for the hills. You want to be the safe parent who they can turn to with any mistake or bad judgement call, but you also have to be the one that teaches discipline, humility, putting others first and self-control. When those things aren't shown, you become teacher, guide and disciplinarian. How do you decide which situation gets what response? Where is the hand-book??!


While it might not be a handbook, I have found a book that really helps when it comes to those times you want to just throw your hands up and beg God to "take them back, PLEASE!"

This book is called "Parenting Beyond Your Capacity" by Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof. 

Now, hear me out! It isn't another one of those books that makes you feel like a failure because you have missed a thousand opportunities, nor is it chocked full of statements that are designed to make you feel overwhelmed with all the things you need to start doing RIGHT NOW to win the heart of your child and grow a productive and valuable member of society. 

This book actually tells you that you CAN NOT do it alone! You are not expected to be perfect, you weren't MADE to be a one-person, child-rearing genius, and that there IS a plan to help you get on track, to help you make some of those hard-call decisions.

Following are a few quotes from the book that really spoke to me. 

"Being a good parent is hard, and in the short term there is not a whole lot of glory attached to it. You can't coast through it. It is intentional.  Anybody can have a child; being a good parent takes work and prayer."

Thank you for telling me I am not the only one that feels parenting is hard! So many people make it look so easy! Sometimes I wonder what it is that everyone else gets that I seem to be totally missing!

"I can promise that even for the most intentional parents, there will be nights when all you can do is fold your hands and cry, "God, help me!" I imagine God hears that and thinks, "I thought you'd never ask!"  You will make plenty of mistakes, and that's okay. Mistakes are often opportunities to show your children not only your fragile humanity but also the way you respond to failure."

What a great reminder that I am NOT alone in this. Not only that, but there is actually someone that knows my children better than I do, that has a plan for them, and that WANTS to be involved. It also reminded me that it is OK to not be the perfect parent, but that I need to admit it and rectify it, where my children can see, and often to them directly. I forget that simply my example to them is the teacher they learn from most, not the words I say.

"Too many of us buy into the myth that we need to become the right kind of parent before God can use us. In reality, God is longing to tell His story through our imperfections and brokenness....Rather than painting a picture of a perfect family, God wants to use family as a canvas for His redemptive story.  He wants to use the family to show us what it means to have an authentic, everyday faith with a God who redeems and restores broken people."

Sometimes as parents we forget that it really isn't about us. We forget that we have a role to play, that the story isn't starring us. It is all about God. Wow! Doesn't that take the pressure off?! 

This thing of parenting isn't about "getting it right", it is about letting God be God in our lives, in our children's lives, and in the very middle of this crazy, messy, imperfect family. Sounds kinda like the verse from above, doesn't it? 

More to come from this great book later, but I just had to let you know, if you are struggling with some of these same things, that not only are you not alone, you were designed to have amazing help through this thing we call parenting! 

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."Isaiah 41:10

Itchy Feet

"...I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation..." Philippians 4:11-12

I have been sick for the past three weeks. I have had a good day here and there, but it is just one of those illnesses that begins and then keeps morphing into something new. Today I was in Prompt Care getting a shot to counter-act my allergic reaction to the medication they put me on last week. Yeah, that is how my last three weeks have gone.

I have always struggled with Itchy Feet. I have a list as long as my arm of places I want to visit. Places two hours away, two days drive away, and on the other side of the world. I would happily go to any of them.

After sitting on my couch and laying on my bed for the last three weeks, the Itchy Feet has grown to monster proportions. 

Every time I think about all the thousand and one places I would rather be, I get a little whisper is the back of my head. 

It is telling me that wanting to be where I can't go is only making it worse. 

"But I really don't want to be here anymore!" I whine to that voice, sometimes out loud. 

But that voice is speaking truth. Wanting and wishing for what we do not have, or for where we can not go, leads to more than wanting and wishing. It can lead to discontentment. Discontentment can very quickly turn into bitterness. 

I have been thinking of all the things I would like to do. Things on my lists that keep getting pushed down further because of new responsibilities, new needs that come along. Every time I have to push something I want to do down on my list because of something that I have to do, I have learned that I have a choice to make.

The first thing I can choose to do is see the things I want falling further and further down my list. I can get mad, I can whine, I can make a fuss, and I can eventually become bitter about it. The more I choose this option, the bigger my loss will feel, because it is all I am looking at.

OR

I can choose to realize that this is simply where I am right now. This location is where God has placed me to fulfill His plan in me. If God had something for me in Ireland, I would be there. If God thought that I needed a beach break, I would be on one. If God wanted me to focus my time, energy and talents on one of my "wish list" wants, then I would be doing it. And I am sure those things are in my future. Just not my future tomorrow. 

God wants us to focus on now. 

On where he has us now. On the skills, talents and works that He has for us now. On the people He wants us to help now. On the lessons He is teaching us now.

One thing God is teaching me right now is that until I get what He has for me now, I can't get to the places He wants me to be next. He is patient. He will not let me skip a step. How I choose to respond to where He has me now will determine how quickly I can move on. 

Is there somewhere you want to go, or something that you want to do? Is focusing on that place or thing keeping you from seeing all God has for you now? Today might be the day that you need to spend time with God asking him to re-focus your effort and energy and desire. 

Learning to be content in where you are now, doing what you do now will actually help you get where you are going next- faster. 

Like a child

"Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” Luke 18:16-17

I love to listen to my daughter talk about Jesus. You would think to hear her that He was walking along side of her, holding her hand and smiling as she shares her little girl secrets. She got angry one day because it was cloudy and Jesus couldn't see her from heaven when there were clouds in the sky. She knows that when she prays that Jesus is giving her his full attention. He is so real to her that he is her best friend.

My daughter embodies the above verses. Jesus is her hero. Her best friend. Her protector. Her secret keeper. There is nothing he can't do and she knows that he loves her. 

When did we decide it was silly to love Jesus like that as adults?

There is a song that I have been listening to over and over. It is reminding me of who Jesus was. 

He was a man whose heart broke every time he looked at someone trapped in their choices, their situations, their pain... their hopelessness.

He was a man whose joy couldn't be measured as he looked at each person he freed from their traps and chains. Who saw him. Truly saw him.

He was a man who loved. He loved his friends. He loved his followers. He loved the blind man crying out in desperation, the widow with nothing but her faith in God and one little coin, sick children, outcasts and the weak.

Did he love? Oh how he loved!!

He was a man whose anger burned white-hot against those who dared to mock and defile his Father's house. 

He was a man whose laughter rang as he spent time with friends.

He was a man whose strength we will never comprehend as he said yes to what no man could. 

He was everything. He is everything.

My prayer for you is what I have prayed for myself. That we would come to know this man who is more than we will ever understand. That we would look at this man as a child might. Nothing qualified. No trying to rationalize things. Nothing politically correct or explained down to terms that make us more comfortable with who he is. 

I pray that He would be our Super Hero. Our Best Friend. Our Secret Keeper. Our Savior. 

And that we would never stop being amazed and awed at the true beauty of Him.

That is my prayer.

"Who, being in very nature God, 

   did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 

but made himself nothing, 

   taking the very nature of a servant, 

   being made in human likeness. 

And being found in appearance as a man, 

   he humbled himself 

   and became obedient to death— 

      even death on a cross! 

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place 

   and gave him the name that is above every name, 

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, 

   in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 

and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, 

   to the glory of God the Father."

Philippians 2:6-11

Getting Undignified

Have you ever had this conversation at church?

"Raise your hands up high to ME".

"Uhhh.... no one else is. I think I will just close my eyes, will that be OK?"

"No, Raise your hands up high to ME".

"But God, that will be embarrassing. No one else is."

Or how about this one.

"Go to the altar."

"I can't. Everyone is watching."

"I want to meet you at the altar."

"But everyone will know I am not perfect if I walk up there. All by myself."

"You won't be alone. I will be with you. Go to the altar. There is freedom there."

"Maybe next week God. I'll just pray here today."

A few weeks ago during worship music, the praise team started playing my very favorite song. It's one of those songs that seems to come from no where when I need to hear it most. When I am feeling disconnected from God. When I have had a hard week. When I am questioning something. When I have been hurt by someone. It is just my song. I never know when it will show up, and I always know, deep inside, that God sends that song to me so that I can refocus myself directly to His heart.

Whenever I sing that song, I raise my hands. At church. At conferences. At home. In the car. I just do. I can't help it. But this last time, I was in the front of the church. It was the early service where there really aren't any "hand-raisers". I knew if I raised my hands, up there in front of the church, that everyone would look at me because I was, most likely, going to be the only one doing so. 

I didn't want to.

I didn't want everyone to look at me. I didn't want to stand out. 

And I almost didn't. 

But God put a Scripture in my heart last year, that helps me in these times.

David, wearing a linen ephod, danced before the LORD with all his might... David said to Michal, "It was before the LORD, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the LORD’s people Israel—I will celebrate before the LORD. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes." 2 Samuel 6:14, 21-22

I thought of David dancing in the streets, and the only one he acknowledged was God. It says he "danced before the LORD". There were hundreds, thousands, of people there to see the Ark brought home, and David didn't care. He danced with all his might, to praise and worship God.  How must he have looked? To the people, probably a little crazy, a little embarrassing. But to God? He looked beautiful.

So I did. I lifted my hands. I closed my eyes, lifted my hands, and felt a blessing that was mine alone. 

Not everyone feels a call or need to raise their hands. It isn't a requirement of proper worship. There is no such thing as proper worship. Worship is focusing your heart, mind and body on God and then giving your all. If you do that, you are properly worshiping, in what ever form it may take.

The same is true for a call to the altar. Not everyone feels it. Certain words, or feelings are pressed on us by the Holy Spirit to lead us to a special time of humility before God. He doesn't call us to the altar to embarrass us before our friends. He doesn't call us there to 'teach us a lesson'. He calls us there to do special business with our heart, to heal or grow our relationship with Himself. When we refuse to go, when we let appearance hold us back, we miss a special worship time with him. There is something about kneeling before God, praying and doing business with him, that leads to a time of celebration that is unlike other times. 

By being too dignified to go, to kneel, to weep and praise, we miss it. 

David even tells us that we will feel a little silly. But he said he was willing to be "humiliated in my own eyes".  That means we might get a little uncomfortable. Feel a little foolish. Feel, and look, a little undignified. Do it anyway.

The next time you feel the need to praise a little differently than everyone else, or feel a pull to the altar and you don't want to go.... get a little undignified. Raise those hands high. Walk in humble obedience to kneel before your God. Dance with all your might. Get a little more undignified. There is nothing like celebrating before the Lord, for His glory alone. 

Beating a dead horse

"Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful."  2 Timothy 2:23-24

"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe" Philippians 2:14-15

There are times and places to dig in your heels and refuse to budge. There are times when not letting go of something is exactly the right thing to do. Morally or ethically or spiritually. We should never compromise. 

But other times? Well, have you ever heard of beating a dead horse?

Beating a dead horse: To bring up an issue that has already been resolved. Any attempt to discuss said issue is pointless, as it has already been done repeatedly.

These are the conversations that we refuse to drop. Either with our spouse, with our kids, with our friends,  or even with God. We call them "discussing", "revisiting", or "making our point". But Scripture says we are arguing. Being quarrelsome. Even complaining. 

How do you know if you are "beating a dead horse"?

Here are some clues:

- No matter how you re-phrase or re-structure your argument, you are saying the same thing you said the last ten times you talked about this particular subject.

Beating a dead horse.

- You know that the person you are trying to have the discussion with has firmly refused to budge any of the other times you have talked about it. They know your position, your reasons and your desire, and they are still not budging. 

Beating a dead horse.

- Nothing changes but you feel the need to push your idea one more time (either directly or indirectly).

Beating a dead horse.

Besides bringing frustration and tension, beating a dead horse can also sow discord and bitterness if you are in disagreement with your spouse or your friend and you just won't let it go.

It can bring feelings of rejection and inadequacy in your children.

It can bring struggle and quiet to your communication with God.

You may feel like you are completely justified in your position, and you may be right. 

But if you and your spouse are not in agreement and you just keep hammering your point, eventually your spouse will run for cover when they see you coming, or completely shut down. And lets face it, after a while, don't we know our spouse won't agree? We are just poking at them to satisfy our need to let out some frustration over not getting our way.

Your friend might decide that it is better to have some space (away from you) instead of covering the same ground.

Your kids might choose to disconnect and shut you out. After all, you care more about getting your way than actually listening to them.

God will listen to your every word, every desire, and continue to lead you where He wants you to go. You can go with a willing heart- or kicking and screaming to get your way every. single. step. You will eventually end up where He wants you anyway, you will just do it the "learning your lesson" way (and really, who prefers that!?).

May I encourage you today to give over to God your desire to be right? Let him resolve your heart to what is, not what you wish could be.  The best way to start is to ask yourself "Is getting my way really more important than my relationship with ___________________?"

Remember, as stated in our verse above, we are to shine like stars, and we can't do that if we are in the process of beating a dead horse.

From reacting to responding

My quest to follow after Jesus more closely is starting off on a very difficult foot. 

What a surprise, huh? 

As I have written in the past, my son is amazing. He is sweet. He is a hugger. He is so fun to watch play basketball and football. He is an unbeatable big brother. 

And he knows how to push my buttons like no other. And he loves to do it. I just don't get it. 

OK, well I sorta do. It is fun to push buttons when you get such fun reactions. 

I have been known to do any and/or all of the following at some point over the past 12 years:

Yell

Scream

Slam doors

Make empty threats

Cry

Give up

Back down

My son has even told me in the past that he intentionally will keep pushing at me until I over-react. Yes, my sweet and loving son likes, no loves, to push my buttons. 

And I let him.

It would be so much better if I could say that he makes me over-react. But that simply wouldn't be true. I can absolutely choose to stay calm, to not react, to not give in. 

But generally I don't. Instead of responding, I react.

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."

Colossians 3:12

There is no excuse for not responding with patience and gentleness. With goodness and self-control. I already have these things. These are things that God knew I would need and he supplied them to me when I accepted Jesus as my savior. But God didn't make these things my default. I have to choose them. I have to actively reach for them, use them, and grow them. 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

Galatians 5:22-23

The fruit is there, but I am not choosing it.

I am really starting to see that I am damaging my son's view of God's ability to change a person. Maybe he doesn't get it yet, maybe he will see that his mom is just a really flawed human being that makes bad choices. But maybe he sees that God doesn't really change people and can't help with struggles. 

Maybe my son prayed that he would receive an encouragement or special word from God, and God had chosen me to serve as the answer to that prayer. 

But without using the power of the Holy Spirit inside me, of stopping and thinking and responding instead of reacting, my son didn't receive that encouragement or special word. At least not from me.

How sad that makes my heart. After I over-react, there is always guilt, always doubt in my abilities, always regret. 

It is time to make a change.

If you saw my New Year's post, you know I am not into making specific resolutions. But this year I am committing to follow Jesus more closely than ever before. This has to start in my home. It has to start with me and the testimony that I want to live out in front of my son and daughter.

"Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us."

Titus 2:6-8

The amazing thing about the Bible is that there really is something for everything. It isn't hype. It isn't hard to find. God isn't the impossible task-master. By asking for his help, he is quick and faithful to help. 

When I asked God to help me in changing how I react to my son, I found this in under a minute:

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. James 1:19-21

A swift kick in the backside, as well as an encouragement and instruction. 

So, over the year, as I commit to following Jesus, the fruit will be a better testimony lived out in front of my son. And this is just the beginning. 

Will it be easy? No. Will I get it right every time? No. But I will be striving and stepping in the right direction. And that is what this year, and following Jesus, are all about.

In a Minute

"In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."  Psalm 5:3

As a parent, I am constantly saying "in a minute!"

"Mom come here!"

"In a minute!"

"Mommy, look at this!"  

"In a minute!"

"Mom, can I"....

                              "Mom, may I"....

                                                             "Mom, listen"....

"IN A MINUTE!"

With the constant demands of kids, I get in the habit of having them wait until I have completed one thing (usually at least a thought!) before I move on to their next need. If there isn't blood, a stranger or broken bones involved, I want them to learn to wait their turn, be polite, and have respect for other people. I forget sometimes that they just need to know that I am there for them. That I am willing to put them first, get eye-to-eye with them and say "Yes, baby? What is it?"

But lately, I feel like I have said "wait a minute" a lot. I said it the other day and my daughter just growled "uuuuugh!" and stomped off. It made me wonder what amazing four-year-old girl insight I had missed. And just how many times I had asked her to wait that day.

I didn't even know.

As the week wore on, I kept thinking about this. As usually happens, eventually I managed to apply it to myself.

When was the last time I called out to God and heard, "In a minute!"?

As we see in the verse above, God hears us. Not "in a minute".  No "hold on while I finish this up." But as soon as we give voice to our prayer, God hears us.

It's as if he drops everything, leans down close to us, face-to-face, and says "Yes Baby? What is it?"

Our prayers are so important to God. He drops everything to hear them. In his amazing ability, he does this for every one of us, whenever we call to him. No matter how many times or ways we pray, he is always there to hear.

When was the last time you really prayed as if you believed this? When was the last time you waited in expectation for God?

I have to say, the idea of expecting God to actually act on my prayer sometimes doesn't really enter the picture. I pray, I feel like God knows my thoughts and hopes, and then I just go on about my day. I don't ever expect to see God's answer. Have you been there before, too? Are you there now?

Be encouraged to expect God today. He is waiting to hear from you, and your prayers are never in vain. Expect those God-sized answers. Expect to see something amazing. Expect to see a miracle. But never expect to hear "Wait a minute!".

It just will never happen.