This week's phrase:
I was just rocking Abby back to sleep and thinking of all the little things that I don't want to ever forget, but know I will.
The sound of the wood on the rocker creaking as I listen to her even breathing, telling me that it's safe to put her to bed, even though I know I won't. At least for another precious minute.
The way her face lights up when I walk in after being gone, even if it is just for an hour.
The sound of "mommy!" from her sweet little voice, even after the 400th time that day, it still makes me feel so humble.
The way it sounds when her little feet are walking.
She loves shoes, but she really, really loves shoes that make noise when she walks. She will stomp her feet, jump up and down, run, walk and tap her little feet to see what noise she can make. When was the last time that I took such abandoned delight in something so simple and mundane as walking? I think, when I get ready for work in the morning, I will find the coolest sounding shoes I have and jump up and down, run, walk and tap my feet. There is glory in putting one foot in front of the other.
I seem to struggle to focus on "this".
I look at what it was, what it could be, but find it difficult to just accept "this".
It doesn't matter what "this" is. If I can't look at "this" and be grateful for it, instead of wishing it was like it used to be, or how I dream it can be I will never find contentment and be able to glorify God for ALL that he provides me.
(dictionary.com has 22 definitions for "way". I am choosing to go with #18: a course of life, action, or experience)
Often I wish that I had a manual, or guidebook, on how to get through things, to fix things, to be a better parent, to communicate with my spouse, to communicate with my friends, to see things in a better perspective, to be more effective in ministry, and on and on and on it goes.
You may be thinking the obvious: "You do have a manual for those things. The Bible."
I agree. To an extent. The Bible shows us what we are supposed to be, the goals we are to have and what is expected of us; but am I the only one that feels God could have elaborated on the How-To section?
Example: I know I am supposed to submit to my husband as to the Lord (Ephesians 5:24) but when I am really struggling and fighting an inner war with this, how do I?
Sometimes the only way to find the "way" is by faith. I have learned, and am learning, this the hard way.
I am also a second-guesser. "Did God really mean for me to do this, or is it my own desire that is putting it there?" (usually if I don't want to do it, I know it is from God.It may sound flippant, but it is usually true. The right thing is rarely what we want to do.) But it is that lack of concrete, I read it word-for-word confirmation that I struggle with.
Sometimes faith is the only way to get through. Faith in a strength that is stronger than I am. Faith in a wisdom that is far above mine. Faith in a prayer being heard, even though I am still waiting for an answer. Faith that there really isn't anything too small to take to God. Faith that I will find my way.
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