You don't have to learn it the hard way

One of my main motivators that moved me into the realm of full-time Mom is my son's education and soon, my daughter's.

Learning disabilities come in all shapes, sizes, and degrees. My son's issues are not major, but because he has more than one, it makes reading and sequencing very difficult, and because his issues ARE different, it means we have to come up with more than one way to work out any one thing. Intellectually he is just like everyone else his age, but formal learning and reading are harder for him than anyone really realizes. It can be overwhelming and frustrating. And that's just for us as his parents. For him it is a constant struggle. It's a de-motivator. It's sometimes embarrassing. It's not something that we can see an end to, so sometimes the "what's the point?" attitude rears it's ugly head.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart 

and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways

submit to him and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5,6

I have recently admitted that I am pretty angry with God that he has not seen fit move Kevin past this issue, that he is allowing the struggle to continue. God is OK with that. He has shown me that part of his plan for Kevin is for me to be more a presence in Kevin's education. This is outside my comfort zone in a huge way. Learning, especially reading, has always come very easily for me, so I sometimes can't understand how Kevin can't get it. But he really can't. And God needs me to learn to be on his side and learning accommodations for him so that he can feel safe not getting it, and not be embarrassed in the process of learning it.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

God is also working out in me that this is Kevin's struggle to grow through, I am on the sidelines. My struggle is to let him go through this, grow through it and let him and God work it out. As a Mom, I want to fix the problem. God wants me to step out of the way and let them work this thing out. I am only playing a supporting role in this one. God knows my babies. More than I ever will. He loves my children. More than I will ever comprehend. To want the best for my children is to want them to turn to God and know Him as intimately as possible. To give the best to my children is to sometimes step back and let them stumble through on their own. After all, they are never, never alone, are they?

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3:16-21

Finally, God is showing me that it is my job to equip myself to support and help Kevin as needed, but the most important thing I can do is seek God's will. How often do I focus in and pray for specific things to get us through this project or that paper, when I need to broaden my prayer? God wants us to pray the big prayers. Ask for things that seem impossible to us. Ask God to move in ways that aren't only impossible for us to believe, but to move even beyond that and do something so huge, so amazing, that we are left standing with our mouths hanging open, hands raised and tears streaming over the fact that God is THAT BIG.

Below are a few resources that are very encouraging. Education and knowing how to learn are so important, but we need to use these things as a secondary line of attack. Turning to God first will ultimately be what helps our children succeed. And if you have kids that need extra help, don't go it alone! Find support!

Equipping Kids for Life-Long Learning (The article contains great practical reminders. I haven't read the book yet, but it is on my to-buy list!)

The Way They Learn ( I had several of Kevin's teachers read this book. They loved it and it truly opened my eyes to how amazing my kid is. And completely opposite of me!)

Every Child Can Succeed (sometimes just reading the title was enough to make me get back in the fight. Yes, he CAN succeed.)

Apples 4 the Teacher (this sight is a gold-mine of things to help those that are struggling to read!!)

Your church.

And if you have teachers or resource/special ed teachers anywhere in your circle, USE THEM! I would have been lost without the vital inside knowledge I got about IEPs, questions to ask and key words to use in conversations. I also have gotten amazing support and encouragement from parents that have traveled the road ahead of me. They smoothed out some bumps, filled in some pot-holes and generally ran along side me cheering me on and reminding me that in the school system, I HAVE to fight for him. And I plan on keeping my cheerleaders until Abby is through school. 

Nurture

To feed and protect; to support and encourage, 

as during the period of training or development; 

foster; to bring up; train; educate

These definitions of nurture might, at first glance, seem to be ordinary words that are held together by the strings of information and development. They seem to be good applications and suggestions on how to develop something into its fullness.

When placed in the context of raising up the next generation, the definitions become almost overwhelmingly terrifying in their weight.

The decision to become a stay at home mom was not made lightly. My main goal was to become more of a presence and influence in my children's lives. But when you really dig into the meaning of what a mother does, it becomes a scary weight that can become overwhelming when you look at it as a whole. Panic can set in if your focus is off, even the tiniest little bit.

Nurture. The definition is there in black and white. But how do I do it?

"Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without criticizing, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith without doubting. For the doubter is like the surging sea, driven and tossed by the wind."

James 3:5-6

There is so much that my children need to know, to learn, to experience. If I forget, even for a moment, where my strengths, abilities and passions come from, I will not be able to do this thing. This thing of mothering. Every time I forget to turn to my Father for guidance, I will have dropped the ball.

God will never make fun of me for anything. No matter what it is, he will never think me stupid, or ill-equipped. He will never tell me to figure it out myself, although he may make me work it out myself. But, he will still be there every step of the way. He wants to help me and lead me through everything. He just wants me to be humble enough to ask. And have faith in Him to answer, every time.

Somehow the idea of blundering along, going my own way, loses its appeal when I consider what I am doing this for.

My children.

That makes this life-and-death serious. Eternity serious.

I will get enough things wrong along the way; my prayer is that pride will not add to the list because I didn't humble myself to ask for help and guidance first.

These are my first steps on a new journey.

I don't like your gift

How would you feel if someone opened your gift and made a face, made fun of it, ignored it or rejected it? 

You spent hours working on this gift.

You created it from your heart specifically for the person that was to receive it.

You customized it to fit them perfectly and to show them to their best advantage. After all that the gift is rejected for one reason or another. They politely said either directly or indirectly: "It's not really me. No thank you."

And in your heart, you felt you were rejected too.

Lest we climb up on our wounded-heart soapbox and look down upon those who would do such a thing, let's look at some of the gifts we have received with, shall we say less-than gracious thanksgiving...

How does God feel when we do the same with the spiritual gifts he has - with great consideration, given us?

Recently, I agreed to do my first dramatic presentation. I was to perform in front of my church on a day when there would be many visitors. While initially I was excited to explore this opportunity, the closer the day came, the more I started refusing the gift that God has given me.

"I can't do this. I am too scared. I am going to forget all my lines and mess it all up. I am going to look silly. I think I over-act."

My list was as long as my arm as to why I couldn't do it. Finally the night came. I was terrified. One of the kids in our church was also giving her first dramatic presentation and right before she was to go on, she was overcome with her fear. While I was encouraging her that she was going to do great, had nailed it in practice and that God was right there with her, I was led to say "It is when we are terrified, and do it anyway, that God is most pleased with us. He blesses that." As soon as I said it, I realized God wanted me to hear that too.

I was rejecting his gift. I was telling Him it didn't fit me and that I didn't want it.

when I realized what I had been telling God I was embarrassed. I was rejecting a gift he had already given me because I was too scared to use it.

Then I simply told God I wanted to do it, but couldn't without Him. I needed His words. I accepted the gift of speaking and dramatic presentation and went for it.

As I was on that stage, I have never felt the presence of Jesus as strongly or as real as I did that night. I felt if I looked up, I would look right at him, he was that real to me. Afterward, several people came up to me to tell me how touched they were by what I had said. Only working in the power of God's gifting, in the place he has called us to be, will bring that closeness to him and the ability to minister to others hearts.

All callings are based on a gift that God has given. A gift specifically designed and created for use to not only glorify Himself, but to bring the bearer of the gift closer to God's heart.

"6Having gifts (faculties, talents, qualities) that differ according to the grace given us, let us use them: [He whose gift is] prophecy, [let him prophesy] according to the proportion of his faith; 7[He whose gift is] practical service, let him give himself to serving; he who teaches, to his teaching; 8He who exhorts (encourages), to his exhortation; he who contributes, let him do it in simplicity and liberality; he who gives aid and superintends, with zeal and singleness of mind; he who does acts of mercy, with genuine cheerfulness and joyful eagerness."

Romans 12:6-8, Amplified

We can't all be the worship leader, or the creative artist, or the eloquent speaker. Not everyone is equipped to be a bold and ready street evangelist. Not everyone can give a dramatic presentation that touches hearts.

But we also can't all be the one who can organize a funeral dinner in under 24 hours. Or the person that sees that one flower or shrub that would bring balance and warmth to the entrance of the sanctuary. We can't all be the one that sees the details and leaves a shine on the floor, full paper towel dispensers and spotless glass in all the entrance doors. There has to be someone to design and print the bulletins and someone to run the sound and media. There has to be someone to be silly and crazy and share the love of Jesus with a bunch of kids.

When we search out a job or task that is outside of our calling  not only are we taking the place of someone who is called to that task but we are telling God "No thanks. You picked the wrong gift for me."

Don't you think he might feel a little rejected?

I have done my fair share of explaining why I can't, or won't, or shouldn't. I have spent too much time in areas that were not mine to serve in and running from the ones that I am called to.

No one else can do what we are gifted to do. When we aren't using our gifts, something is missing. Not acting in our gifts leaves a hole in your church's ministry to others. No matter what your gifting is. What would the Body of Christ look like if we embraced our gifts and used them? How many people would we reach? How much closer to God would we be?

Be encouraged. Even if you feel you have lost the opportunity to use a gift in the past, God will bring more ways to use it if you ask Him. Be open, be willing to say "yes" when you are invited outside your comfort zone and "no" when you are offered something where you are not called.  

Amazingly, the places we are most meant to be are usually the places that stretch us the most, bring the most fear, and take the most from us. And after we have given all the emotion, energy, thought and faith we can, we see that God did something totally amazing through us and it brought glory to His name.

And remember what your mom taught you: "No matter what, don't forget to say thank you for whatever you get."

Grabbing Grace

"From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another."

John 1:16

All my time is spent working. When I look around all I see is things that aren't getting done, things that need completed, repaired, corrected, updated, organized, studied, prepared, scheduled...it

never ends.

All this doing and going and working is overwhelming. Why can't I ever feel like I have accomplished what I have set out to do?

Because I am the one setting out to do it.

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139:16

Very rarely do I wake up in the morning relaxed in the knowledge that I am fully equipped to meet everything coming my way today (2 Timothy 3:17). God is fully aware and fully in control of each and every moment of my life. As Psalm 139 promises, God has ordained every one of my days. But I wake up focused on my to-do list and live in the stress of never marking off everything I "needed" to get done.

Our verse today brings everything down to one simple way to break this exhausting cycle.

Grace.

By grabbing ahold of grace with both hands and refusing to be shaken off by the unexpected and undone.

By learning to understand that there will always be something else that needs my attention, I can grab grace and focus in on what God would have me do. And be OK with letting go of the rest.

We are promised that in the fullness of grace we will receive one blessing after another. What is the blessing you could most use today? Peace? Time to catch your breath? Giving yourself permission to put down the to-do list and just be in the moment? The ability to be OK with what didn't get done? A refreshing of your spirit through a quality time with God alone?

There are some women noted in Scripture that I am quite sure learned how to grab ahold of grace and not let go.

"Greet Tryphena and Tryphosa, those women who work hard in the Lord. Greet my dear friend Persis, another woman who has worked very hard in the Lord."

Romans 16:12

 

Notice the three most important words that describe these women's work.

 

In the Lord.

 

We don't know what these women did specifically. That wasn't the point. We were only to learn from them that they worked hard in the Lord. They had it figured out. The Lord is the point. When we know what the point is, we don't stress over the work.

 

Yes, it is in the Lord we find strength, the ability to prioritize, and the excitement for the purpose. It is by grabbing grace that we find our sense of accomplishement. We can go to sleep with peace in what we did, and wake with anticipation of a day spent serving the Lord and being blessed for it.

 

Blessed is she...

"Blessed is she, who has believed, that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished."

Luke 1:45

My entire relationship with Jesus can be summed up in this one verse. From the first time I read it years ago it has been the one verse that I feel completely reflects my relationship with Jesus.I quote it all the time, it is the tag-line on all of my email, I sign it on cards, I share it to encourage others.

Why? I am currently studying Beth Moore's Believing God Bible study and in it she talks about speaking out truth from Scripture. Following are 10 wonderful promises that we can name and claim as our own as Daughters of the Most High King.

“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.”

Isaiah 12:2

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Ephesians 2:8-10

“Praise be to the LORD, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The LORD is my strength and my shield;

my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.”

Psalm 28:6-7

“The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.”

Isaiah 58:11

“Because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

Romans 8:14-15

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.”

Romans 8:26-27

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:37-39

“And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.”

Colossians 2:15

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

James 1:5

“But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.”

James 1:25

Some News

I have some news, but before I share, I guess I need to tell you the back story to get you current.

First, If you have read my blog in the past, you will know that Kevin needs some extra help with aspects of his learning. Although we have worked well with the school, homework has always been a nightmare. I say that in the sense that by the time I get home from work, it is dinner time. Once we get dinner over with, then we can start homework. With his reading difficulties, homework, on average, takes several hours a night. It wasn't anything for him to be finishing up at 11:00pm. Not ideal in the least, but we didn't have any options.

Also, For the past six months or so, God has been really working on me. He has been really convicting me over my lack of trust in the finance department. My lack of obedience, my lack of trust, my lack of faith, my lack of giving up control. I have been fighting God on this issue for about as long as I have been trying to walk with Him. I don't know why other than the fact that I don't want to give up the driver's seat, even though I keep crashing the car, so to speak. After about six weeks of what my friend Shelley calls God screaming at me (the same message in place after place after place for weeks on end) God finally got through to me. I am not one to go down easy, even when the fight is with God, and as you can image,after that kind of fight the surrender wasn't easy. But God. After I finally told God I would listen and obey him, I did. And it hasn't been as hard as I would have thought. Now, not saying I haven't taken a couple wrong turns since then, but I am on a good path now.

Finally, I have been completely overwhelmed, time-wise. I have scaled back everywhere I could think of, but just could not get peace about the amount of time I was dedicating at home. I spent a lot of time figuring out if it was conviction, which is God, or feeling condemned, which is NOT God. I wanted to make sure I was working things out in God's will. Oh how I have longed for a burning bush! For God to say, this is the exact thing I want you to do at this time. I will be there every step of the way, I will tell you what to say, and tell you what to do. But I never got one.  Once again, God started talking. Loudly. Not a burning bush, but pretty good. The same message everywhere I went. It was funny at times because a friend would be sharing something she got out of Bible study, that was exactly what she wanted to hear, and it was the same message I had been hearing everywhere; but because God was working out different things in each of us, the same Bible study had two completely different outcomes.

Where is all this information leading?

As of July 9th, I will be a stay-at-home Mom! Is this scary? SO. VERY. MUCH. but you know what? I am OK with that. I have already had some confirmations since I turned in my notice at work. Will I miss my job? YES! I loved working with wonderful women, in a ministry that is very near and dear to God's heart (a crisis pregnancy center). I will also miss seeing God show up in some unexpected and awesome ways. But, I know that God has some really great stuff for me down this new path I will begin.

One of the things I hope to come back to is blogging. Not that I think I am so witty, or experienced, or more able than any other Jesus-loving girl out there. I just think that sometimes something that happens in my life might look a little bit like something going on in someone else's life. And if I write about my experience, maybe, just maybe, it will help that someone, even a little bit. Also, there are things and times in my life that God has just been abundant, awesome, amazing, patient, caring, convicting, loving, comforting, insistent, amusing, gentle, firm, and always over-the-top lavish in his treatment of me. I just have to share that kind of stuff!

If you are still visiting me, or receiving my feeds, THANK YOU! I hope to be back to regular posting soon. But in the meantime, please pray as I prepare to start this new chapter in my family's life.

The Stuff You Use

Isn't this just life?? Now, if we can just learn the simple truth of how everything is something God can use in our life, we will be much better off.

Enjoy!


This is the stuff

And in the silence comes a word

I miss my little bloggy corner of the world. It is like I am in my most comfy chair with my blankie and my diet Dr. Pepper chatting with some really great girlfriends about God, life, chocolate and purses.

My life has been a crazy whirlwind of, well, everything. I will give you a quick catch-up.

Kevin has taken off as a 5th grader. His grades have improved, his reading and learning disabilities have taken a decided up-swing, he is becoming slightly more responsible (I say slightly because let's face it, he is a pre-teen boy. I only expect so much!), and is still finding his own in the sports arena. For the last three months it has been basketball. I have discovered that it is not only football where I am "that Mom". Yes, I am "that Mom" for basketball too. I went on YouTube and taught myself how to set a pick, box out and what the positions on the court are supposed to be doing. So I could coach more effectively from the stands. Yes, it went over as well as you would expect. He completely ignores me. Oh well, I am having a blast watching him play.

Somehow a thirteen year old girl is living in my three year old daughter's body. She never sits, never quits talking, has hormone swings every twenty minutes and I devastate her whole world if I won't let her wear a dress to play around the house or wear her fancy Sunday dress that Grandma made her to bed. She will cook in her kitchen, craft at the table for hours and bounce like a bouncy ball during her weekly tumbling class. She asks to go to church every day, loves her best friend and basically thinks she rules the world. The best part, though, is when she cuddles up with me on the couch with stack of books and we just read until we both are not able to keep our eyes open any longer.

Bob and I went to a marriage conference that was generously provided by our church family. I highly recommend " A Weekend To Remember" for anyone who is married. Happily, desperately, hopelessly. It doesn't matter. You will walk out with a fresh, inspired perspective on yourself, your spouse, your marriage and as a parent. Anyway, neither Bob nor I like to talk about the important stuff with each other. We are now like that awkward couple you see in the comedies that have gone to marriage counselling and now use the "communication tools".

"It sounds like you are saying _____________. Is that what you intended to say or am I misinterpreting your meaning."

"It really hurts my feelings when you _________________. I know you don't intend to hurt my feelings and I will make an effort to understand you did not mean it the way I took it."

Awkward.

But it works.

I have been traveling through this most amazing journey that started with Lysa TerKeurst's Made to Crave. I have found a certain level of confidence in who I am in God. I truly do trust that I am beautiful. Now, not to say that if I look I wouldn't find some things that I would like to change about my appearance, but the key is, I no longer go looking for them. I can look in the mirror and love my spunky haircut, my eyes, and my smile. I look past the parts that aren't as thin as I would like to the fact that God has provided me with clothing that compliment me and are comfortable. I feel good in what I wear. I feel comfortable in the skin God put me in. I see the woman that loves Jesus desperately, that is serving in her strengths and at the end of the day, feels like she accomplished something, even if it was small in the grand scheme of things.

Do I still struggle with things? YES! Just tonight in our ladies Bible study God showed me two areas of my life that are spiritual deserts. I had never noticed my lack of faith over these two things because my faith in God is so strong in others. I always wondered how I could believe for the good that God wants for my life, and even that He is willing to work these changes in me, but for some reason I just couldn't get out of God's way. Now I know. I don't see this being an easy time ahead. It never is when God is demanding control and I am unwilling to give it up, even though I know it is what is best for me.

I am unsure what my future looks like. Abby will be entering Pre-K next fall, Kevin will be in junior high, and I will be entering a new season of motherhood. What does that mean? I don't have a clue.

I will begin teaching in our children's ministry next month. I am very excited. And scared. I might be all they see of Jesus in a week. I need to make sure it is the right reflection. Jesus. Not me.

God is showing me new ways to serve and lead in our women's ministry and worship arts. Things that I have never considered before. Artistic ways. Very personal ways. It might seem like all forms of worship are easy for me, as much as I love to praise God, but I am just like everyone else. It is hard to stand before others and be raw and honest in my worship; shutting out the world and worshipping God alone, while still trying to lead others to that place of raw honesty as well. What uncomfortable place will God call me to next? I don't know. I just know I hope I will, with shaky voice and twisted stomach, say "yes" to whatever He asks of me.

I am by no means where God is taking me, but I am on a journey that is an exciting ride. I miss my bloggy world. I wish I had time (and energy) to visit every day. I miss putting into written word the things God shows me when I take the time to look and listen to His voice. I hope to once again post with regularity, but this season of my life is busy. I can't guarantee anything, but I can tell you that when I do have time to post, it will be about what God is doing in my life. The pretty and the painful.

Walking On The Stars

"But I trust in you, LORD; I say, 'You are my God.'”  Psalm 31:14

This is one of my new favorite songs.

I am trying to stay in a very "up" place. It is what you would call my new year resolution, if you like. Joy and obedience and perserverence are a choice. We can choose to look beyond this moment, this choice, this circumstance, to what God wants for us. We know we can trust him, that his plans for us are good, and that we will ultimately be in God's will if we seek only to glorify Him with each choice that we make. By choosing joy, obedience and perserverence, we can not only make it though whatever our life looks like, we will be walking closely with God. Every step.

This song shows how I see walking with God. It is so fun and beautiful. I hope you enjoy!

Lyrics below.



Take me away


Save me from myself and all I do

Life just aint the same when I’m with you

I can climb the sky you got me walking on the stars

Now, I can see the world from way up high

Troubles I once knew I left behind

I can climb the sky you got me walking on the stars



I see my life sometimes and I ask why

My heart became like stone and turned to ice tell me what have I become

But you came just in time like a shooting star across my universe out of the dark tell me what have I become



I see life through new set of eyes

Set on someone different that I never realized

Outside my mind is a lost world that lies

But step into my thoughts you’ll believe you can fly

Your words like wings gravity they defy

My heart like a leaf on the wind catchin rides

They say we can’t make it at least we gotta try

We make to much sense to foolishly pass it by

So I’m taking a rainbow up to the 5th floor

Steppin out to see that you’re really worth more and I

See our love in 3D

No more 2 dimensional worries

Climb until the sky don’t exist no more

That’s when I’ll knock knock on your front door

Open to the possibilities I ignored

But I know now exactly what our love was meant for



(Bridge)

And I can see, much more clear

When I’m lost in your atmosphere

You pull me close, to the place

Where you’re always waiting

So I won’t stop, the walls are down

Make my way at the speed of sound

Hold me now hold me now


Check out Amy's Blog for more great songs!!

Your Love

The more I ask God to break me down the more He does. As I find more and more that I need to give over to him, the more this song makes sense. And the more that I tell God all I need is His love, the more I truly believe it.

Enjoy this song. It is shaping up to be my theme song for 2011.

Head over to Amy's when you are done and check out some more great songs to start your year off right!

Happy New Year!