Have you ever felt like you are a jigsaw puzzle that God wants you to put together, but only he can see what the final picture is supposed to look like?
Recently I have been looking at the things I have been doing and trying to figure out if the ministry I serve in is the right one, or if I should be in more than one, or if I need to step out of all ministry to have time to clear my head and redirect.
I have been trying to really pay attention to the things and activities that attract me, as well as the things that I am naturally drawn to, and the things that bring me joy. I have to say that the more I try and figure it out the less sure of myself I am. These are some of the things I am looking at:
I love things that allow me a creative outlet; like scrapbooking, polyvore, decorating my home, and formatting and generating projects on the computer.
I love to shop, but in certain ways. Once a week I take Abby, the umbrella stroller and some cash and spend the whole day hitting all the consignment and resale shops in my area. We try to see how much we can get for a certain amount. I also am always watching for deals on things that I know would bless my family or friends. I also love to shop on ebay.
I love to lead my high school girls small group. It is so much fun for me to just hang out with them for awhile and facilitate conversation and get them to ask questions and such. I like the process of finding curriculum that I think would bless them and grow them.
I love love love to read. I read all the time. I read spiritual growth, Christian fiction, Christian chick lit, Bible studies, biographies...pretty much anything I can get my hands on.
I am passionate about the music I listen to. So much of what I listen to has a deeper meaning to me, and often I can directly link a song to a situation, feeling or time in my life. Singing is my favorite form of worship and any time I can get to a concert it is very special for me.
I love to hang out with the women in my church. I like to serve with them, have Bible studies with them, shop, eat, pray and laugh and cry with them. I love the fact that God has given me such great friends.
I like to play volleyball and frisbee.
I like board games and NERTS, and spoons.
I like sitting around with my friends and just chatting.
I love being a servant to others.
I would much prefer to be the behind the scenes gal that does the support and prep work than the one out in the front of the house.
So, you see, I am pretty confused as to how best to use the things that God has given me a love for, talent with or desire for. I am not worried, but it is just another instance of me not being content with only seeing a portion of the final picture. I would much prefer to see all that God sees.
On the other hand, I was really blessed by coming up with the list above. I realize that it is only a scattering of things about me, but it shows me how unique God made me, and that everything listed above was placed in me to be an avenue to glorify God.
Have you ever dealt with this issue? If so I would love to hear about it.