I guess you can tell that I have been trying to work through some stuff lately. I worry things over and over in my head and give them to God only to take them back and worry them some more.
It is so hard to sit in the quiet and wait. "Be still and know that I am God." It's easy for me to know he is God, much harder to be still.
The bad thing is that it is just a lack of trust. I still feel that I know what timetable things should be done on. I know the best way to proceed. I know what's best.
I had a friend tell me to quit being arrogant. The truth hurts but that doesn't make it any less true.
Arrogance, pride, controlling, doubting. All things that shouldn't be in the description of my relationship with God, yet there they are.
I have taken some steps. I still trust in God's unending mercy and unfailing grace. I have "Jesus with skin on" all around me to support me and kick my butt. I know I will never have it better than I do with Jesus. I just wish that you did get that magic wand Jesus that takes away all the struggle and "just fixes it all." Of course, that isn't the real Jesus. That's not what the real Jesus offers. So I will take what he does offer. I will take all that undeserved love and compassion and guidence and wrap myself up in it and press on.