My new memory verse is
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Oh Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."
I chose this verse for several reasons.
First, it is the main verse of the Bible study we will begin this month. We will be studying the lies we as women tell ourselves. I am very excited about this study. It not only will help me to grow in my personal relationship with God, but with other women in my church.
Second, it is a good reminder that we have to pay attention to not only what we say, but what we think in our hearts. Sometimes we feel like if we don't say what we are thinking, we are OK; we conveniently forget that God sees the INTENTION of our actions and words. I have gotten much better about being a good gatekeeper of my words. I will try to judge for myself if what I am about to say is going to lift up, lead in a Godly way, or educate the person I am speaking with. I am working on gentleness with my words. I am much better at it than I was a year ago anyway. But, I tend to have this inner monologue that runs all the time. I am pretty sarcastic in my thoughts and even though I know it is wrong, I still tend to lead with that attitude. So, the meditation of my heart is still pretty prickly, not gentle.
Third, I really struggle with the way I talk to myself and think about myself. That inner sarcastic voice? Well, it is directed at myself way more than it is ever directed at others. I was asked to do a short devotion in January for a women's game night. For the entire month I struggled with thoughts like, "What do I have to offer? I'm such a screw up that there is nothing I can offer them". Or, "I'm sure no matter what I think of everyone else will already know it. What's the point?" Even after I spoke, I was thinking about the part I skipped, that silly remark that got a laugh, but probably made them all think I was stupid, and how I should have talked about THIS instead of THAT. I do this kind of thing no matter what I endeavor to try.
So, I have chosen Psalm 19:14. It is making me look at how I talk to myself and how I even approach my relationship with God. I have been asking myself, "How do you REALLY feel about how God feels about YOU?" It's easy for me to read in scripture about how much God loves us, what he has done for us, how he sees us...but I still put limitations on how much I think God can really love a screw-up like me.
I have learned that the best way to change something is to start with something small, and work my way up. so right now I am going to work on changing the way that I think and talk to myself. it's so much easier for me to change the way I treat others than the way I treat myself. Maybe I should take a cue from the grace I extend to others and start giving some to myself. After all, Jesus thought I was worth dying for. That should tell me something, shouldn't it?